I found this story to be well written and very unique. It was intriguing and very attention catching. The detail is amazing and the perspective from which its shown is GRAVY.

One thing to work on is, while near-perfect, a little more emotional work for Mia. Now as it is the emotional detail is great, but at some points it would help to add more than just "Mia felt warm". Otherwise you're doing everything right.

Keep on writing!

I don't think this is at all confusing, it's a comfy level of complexity that's still fairly straightforward, giving it a slow enough pace for plenty of beautiful, thoughtful and cute bits too. The mysterious Anemos connection sounds interesting, with a great description of what Ivan and Sheba have discovered already. It seems quite unusual for the people in someone's head not to be able to communicate with the head they're in, which is sort of refreshing and interesting, especially considering how much time they all spent together before this.

I'm afraid I don't really think Mia would torture herself like that. In the game, it seemed like the Water of Hermes would easily be enough to keep Imil healthy, and while she'd miss everyone, she wasn't saying goodbye forever, just comforting some kids who'd really miss her too. It sounded like people travelled between towns a lot before the monsters broke out (and whenever it wasn't winter in Imil). Still, suspension of disbelief's not too hard in this case, and you do bring out Mia's kindness and affection brilliantly.

Her fondness towards Garet is pretty cute, he is a really nice character and I really like the way you've written him here. 'He’s fallen through roofs and emerged unscathed'... Isaac and Mia's feelings together are uplifting, so emotional and sweet. (Though I always get a bit annoyed by New Vale, a ridiclolous idea that everybody seems to have taken on... I try and just put up with it.) Then, of course, Sheba and Ivan's reactions are great, funny and sweet too. I look forward to part two!

Very good, sort of hard to understand thoug. Keep up the good work!