|Reviews for The Rohan Pride Chronicles, Part I: Alone|
| Adrea019 6/15/12 . chapter 71
Very captivating story, I enjoyed reading it. It was very well written and you kept it interesting all throughout. I think it is rather hard to write an almost entirely OC fic and keep a reader entertained to the very end, but you certainly did it.
A couple of pointers:
I missed a few practical details of her impisonment in your story. When she was captured, she was a child and they released her when she was a teenager. Guthwyn surely must have outgrown her clothes by that time. I would have like it if you touched on that, because I couldn't rid of an image in my head of her with too tight and too short robes. Also where did they pee? Shower?
Also. Say you become a slave in a place like Isengard or Mordor. You are never to see your family, your home again. You live in a cell, eat pitiful food, are always in danger, see horrible, soul-crushing things. All you do is work and sleep and know that there is no future for you. There are tough people that would endure that and live to see another day ( i.e Guthwyn, obviously ), but I would think that there must have been people that just commited suicide in those circumstances. I would have a couple of slaves slash their wrists if I were wonderful enough to write such an amazing story.
Back to the good stuff now. At first I was a bit disappointed that you didn't write what was happening in Rohan at the time, but then you did an absolutely fanstastic job at dropping hints on that. Very well done.
Guthwyn was such a bitch to Legolas, though :P He's such an elf to be pleasant to her even after all the things she said to him. I certainly would have snapped back at her in his place.
Off to reading part 2 now! I'm looking forward to Guthwyn meeting Eomer and Eowyn.
| Imaginer Lady 1/27/12 . chapter 6
I'm so curious about where did you find name of ''Feride''?By the way chapter was pretty good :)
| Sherrywine 1/1/12 . chapter 1
Your story is a joy to read, so far!
Though I have been a fan fiction reader for years, I have only just stumbled onto your Rohan Pride Chronicles. One of my readers recommended the trilogy to me as a very good read. After reading the first chapter, I can definitely see what she was talking about. Your writing style is very good, and the placement of an OC character in a fiction world is done smoothly.
It is definitely a story I am going to continue to read.
I do feel that your syntax is a bit bogged down by extra wordage that is not always needed to get the idea of your sentences across, and in some ways this is detrimental to the reading of the story for a new reader who has no knowledge of your writing or the story.
For example, you would say "A short while later found them coming into the clearing." This is a complete sentence but it is rather passive in nature, and makes the reader question what the actual subject and verb of the sentence is. To clear up confusion regarding this sentence, I might say "A short while later, they came into the clearing."
Not only does this correct the use of passive voice (which is never a good idea to write in due to the lack of reading flow), but it keeps your verb tenses the same. You often switched from past tense ("Guthwyn pouted...") to present tense ("A short while later found them coming...") and back. This is VERY confusing for the reader to follow, and it is always a good idea to keep tenses the same within the same event in your story.
Those are my first impressions of your story, and I am getting ready to go on to chapter two. Thank you for taking time to read my comments and constructive advice. Great job and keep writing :)
| ZapZapYotsuba 11/25/11 . chapter 70
I just left a review on the last chapter, and I had mention your story had left me speechless - in a good way - but I just remember something I wanted to ask you...did Haldor love Gúthwyn? He is a very sick and twisted person...er elf...but he would do certain things that would leave me seconding guessing myself. I would just love to hear your from you, the wonderful author and mastermind behind Haldor, whether he held some sort of love for her?
In a way it seems like Gúthwyn is this bright flame that resides in the darkness of Mordor and I can't help but feel like Haldor was drawn to her, like a moth to a flame...it's interesting that you titled part one as 'Alone' because I found that not only was Gúthwyn alone but Haldor as well - in a twisted way he gets her to agree to become is permanent bedmate and then follows her immediately after leaving Mordor, on top of that he saved her life from the Easterling...which had me constantly question myself, did he do it to hold more leverage over her, as said? Or did he do it because he didn't want another man touching her? Or did he do it just to spit Borogor, he being the one that beat Borogor to the punch? I figured it was all of the above...
Anyways yeah, love to hear your thoughts! Thanks!
| ZapZapYotsuba 11/25/11 . chapter 71
That has to be one of the best Lord of The Rings fanfics I have ever read!
It has literally left me speechless...and I can't believe that this story only has a 177 reviews! Your story is quite literally from the pages of Tolkien - it was exhilarating to read it - I found myself going through this emotionally roller coaster, Gúthwyn is a remarkable character and I look forward to reading Part II!
| The Suburban Coyote 11/15/11 . chapter 71
YES! YES, YES, YES, YES, YESYESYESYESYES! -!
YOU HAVE MY EXTREME SATISFACTION! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
| The Suburban Coyote 11/15/11 . chapter 41
Someone needs to grow a spine an gut that pointy-eared sonava b***! ! Kill him soon, pretty please? I want it to be slow.
| Angie 10/25/11 . chapter 8
I don't think she'd refer to the afterlife as the 'Halls of Mandos'.
| The Lauderdale 10/6/11 . chapter 13
I read about half way through this story some years ago and thought that I had reviewed several of the chapters at that time, but I guess I must have imagined it. Anyway. Reading again from the beginning for the MEFAs and thought I would comment on two things in this chapter.
The first is Abaudia's admonition to Guthwyn. Her neglecting to give the girl this valuable advice for four years, only remembering to tell her on the very morning of the attack, feels forced. I don't know if you're inclined to go revise at any point - you wrote this chapter years ago - but it's just something to think about.
The second is your description of the Uruk-hai: "another hybrid race, but this time blending Orcs and goblin men." This is true in the movies, and you include other movie-verse elements, such as the Warg-rider, Sharku. It is not canonical to Tolkien, however. While it is never explicitly stated as fact in the books, Treebeard guesses that the Uruk-hai were created by breeding Orcs with Men, and Tolkien confirms this in his other writings: "[Men] would or could be made to mate with Orcs producing new breeds, often larger and more cunning. Saruman rediscovered this, or learned of it in lore, and in his lust for mastery committed this, his wickedest deed: the interbreeding of Orcs and Men, producing both Man-orcs large and cunning, and Orc-men treacherous and vile."
This is a fairly significant point: Tolkien calls it Sauron's "wickedest deed," and it echoes the creation of the first Orcs many Ages before ("This it may be was the vilest deed of Melkor, and the most hateful to Iluvatar.") Since it is important, and since you ask for readers to comment on anything non-canon, I thought I should mention it. As to why it was changed for the movies, most believe it was because Peter Jackson wanted to avoid the unfortunate implications of interbreeding and rape, but rape is already acknowledged as a reality in this story and your larger series.
| Doll-Fin-Chick 9/29/11 . chapter 72
She really is dense, isn't she? Still, I'm rooting for the Legomance all the same. You're so good at not even giving me a hint. XD I know you only occasionally respond to reviews, and I can't blame you as really I say the same things over and over (Poor Guthwyn!) haha but even when you do you leave me hanging! XD It's a good, if mildly frustrating thing.
I love the subtle way you direct the story and the very real human emotions behind it as well as the slow pace. You weave an intricate story seemingly so effortlessly!
I always hope to see this update in my inbox, makes my day every time. I adore this series way too much Here's hoping to see more soon!
| Zashire 9/29/11 . chapter 72
Loved the chapter! :) Legolas's behind-the-curtain work was cute, as was Guthwyn's reaction to it. I hope she doesn't reject the implications of his actions for much longer. x.x Ah, well, that's part of what makes the story so entertaining to read.
Oh, by the way, I think you put this chapter up in the wrong story. :x
| Magic Of Every Kind 8/25/11 . chapter 71
I am simply writing to congratulate you on sculpting such a brilliant masterpiece. The way you write is not unlike Mr Tolkien himself and thus makes the story even more effective. Unfortunately, due to an error on my part, I knew several characters fates beforehand (excluding those in the original works, i.e. Boromir) but nevertheless found myself riveted to the very end. I must confess, I was nearly in hysterics when I came to the final chapter (in a good way, mind you). For hours, I have sat at my computer and read your work, which I know cannot be good for my health but I have been so utterly captivated by your tale. The characters are well thought out (especially Guthwyn), the language is suited to the time and your attention to detail, regarding places and journeys, is immaculate. Very well done. Also, you made me rethink my views on many of the trilogies characters...especially the elves, whom I previously viewed as perfect. Although I know they have not changed in any way, your insertion of such a character as Haldor has made me realize that even 'the fair folk' are not without sin. And one last thing, I'd also like to thank you, for spinning such a tale is no easy task and I am privileged to be able to benefit from such toil. Thank you for being such an amazing writer!
I am just about to start reading your second book, 'Reunions' and I am looking forward to it immensely. Well done and thank you, once again.
| Kiiimberly 5/10/11 . chapter 71
I think it's amazing you started writing this in sixth grade, and so well too. Props to you :) I'm going to start reading the sequel now :D
| Kiiimberly 5/10/11 . chapter 70
WTF. I normally don't cuss but that was freaking intense. I'm so glad Haldor is dead. He got what he deserved.
| Kiiimberly 5/10/11 . chapter 69
AHHHH. Who pulled her?