It's all right, but first, 'finesse' is used wrongly. It should be written as '...a kick executed with finesse.'

Seond, Lo Pan pulls out a .223 pistol, not a Magnum.

Ok.

1.I like this

2. I want to read more about Ariel

3. I never review unless the stuf hits me perfectly.

4. Write more or face a big unlucky dog. You know which one.

So awesome. This is a great interpretation of the scene.

See, the thing here is Lo Pan fights like a Japanese bar brawler. All them charges and punches and kicks. That's a Japanese thing. Chinese folk, them folk with the kung fu, we do weird things to the joints and the tendons, make them move in ways they're not meant to.

And, now, less pride-talk and more fallout. America is dead- there's no more prejudices against America, because there is no more america. The last americans were on the enclave, and everyone already hated them. "Whitey bitch," or "foreign bitch" is more likely than "american bitch." Fight could have had a bit more detail, but it had good flow. Big fan of your writings, by the way- read that one about the actress, the poem "On the rooftops, in the rain" and the I read Conference. Good stuff, all. Now read my story:

http:/www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid1022529

Many others have read it, and they say it's good, so...

I loved the NPC banter and the graphic fight scene, I rate it at a 09/10

cool, lot's of descriptive action

I remember telling you what a high I get whenever a girl/woman kicks a guy's butt all over (China)town. This is definitely one of the better stuff I've read recently. All I can say is continue writing, so that the rest of us can actually read it!

Great Story, i'm going to find the other one now! 10/10

That was very good. Tho' I killed Lo Pan within a few rounds (he didn't get a chance to draw his gun), I was also at a very high level.

Now that's a fight scene. See ya Cal!

Muahahaha! Fatality! And hurray, someone else who decided to make the Chosen One a woman! ;) Good work!

Heh...very good. It's really entertaining to read.

Heh, nice one, I should say. Finally a Fallout story. I'll wait for new and longer stories. Perhaps in NCR or Enclave base?

Oh, and the duel is not 'that' easy when I fought thru them.

Hey, this is good!