Its been so long I'd forgotten how good your stories were, must go and read them again. Colourful characterisation, I found myself thinking Eliza was rather evil at some points in the chapter, but I loved her at the end. The ending dialogue between Scott and Michael (love the choice of names by the way, read your background bit too) was excellent, really puts motivations in perspective. I'd love to see more in the new year, if you're up for it of course.

Nightshade.

good if your writing for Sonic x.

this sucked, delete it.

I

Meant to be posted for the third chapter, which has now been rewritten. Not allowed to post another for it, since I've already reviewed it.

-

Pace needs to greatly decrease. Take time describing simple activities, like traveling, talking, and character interaction.

The dialogue should be mixed with description, which this story lacks, and you need to spend at least an hour reading through your stuff before it's posted.
If you don't like the content, then work more. It's only good enough for the people that read it when it's good enough for your eyes and mind.

It's also too long. Split it up into chapters of about four-thousand words each, and people won't be intimidated by an impossibly tiny scroll-bar.

Interesting take on a classic concept.

Your fancharacters are in line, and under control, which is always good, but, unlike almost everyone else, you overuse dialogue, as opposed to overuse of description.

To my eyes, your world is white and black, inhabited by colored characters and little else.

I've been meaning to finish this chapter for ages. ^^ The first half made me really like Eliza more then I did before (Not that I didn't like her before), mainly because of all the Sonic torturing. And the resentment towards heroes, which I'm glad you had Sonic figure out about on his own instead of having another character explain to him why she doesn't like them. It's better that way. Speaking of Sonic I'm surprised about how you showed his past, I never expected it to be so dark. Given Sonic's personality you'd not think he'd have had a harsh past, but I guess he just hides his emotions well.

As to what the other guy said, I think CAPS are a necessary evil when used sparingly and appropriately -- and since this _IS_ fan fiction, I believe rules can be bent to enhance tension and style. (That's just my humble opinion as a grammar descriptivist.)

You have a natural talent for writing action sequences. I know I say that a lot but you really do. I literally can't tear my eyes away from the page and am on my seat reading as fast as I can to see what happens next.

That being said, you also have strong dialogue. I never find myself thinking (That's so cliche!) or (That sounded weird coming out of that character's mouth.

Now onto Joanie's criticisms, lol. I really did enjoy it a bunch. I'm kind of confused about Eliza's evil behavior XD it seems a bit OOC for her -- just because she's so _vicious_. Then again, she does have good reasons for her motivations. I was just finding myself not liking her until the end, which is probably how you planned it, huh? XD lol

There was also the bit with Eliza and Sonic... I know I said it before, but this is just a reminder - it felt like it wrapped up too easily. But thinking about it again, I realize that you write in an active Screenwriting style. That scene would be 100 times more effective live than on the page. So more kudos to you. :D

Finally, I love the names you chose for the boys. Michael and Scott are great choices. I really love the ending bit with the two of them. Nice character development. :D

Please write more Sipp XD whenever you can! But homework first, okay? That is a necessary evil. :D

I hate Sonic. Hate him hate him hate him. Love Eliza, and the characterisation thereof.

m snake pit

Nice use of the word 'squeal'. 'It can't end like this' would be better out of quotation marks and just said 'he repeated the words in a whisper, then screamed them', or something. In all caps and with exclamation marks it becomes sorta redundant.

It is a passion.
It is a life.
From the great words of Dr.Sipp

I am cool.
You are not.
From the great words of Your Local Physco

Thank you for your time.

*Your Freakalated Well Educated girl on a bus*

Your Logical almost Local Pyscic but also Pysco friend

a very cool story. i really like it. u sure have a gift for writing. keep up the good work!

This one did take me quite a while to read, but I'm very glad I had the chance to read it all in one sitting instead of in chunks like I usually do, because I probably wouldn't have been able to tear myself away from this fc if I tried. Favourite parts were Espio's comment about Mighty being pregnant (Your Espio has such a great sense of humour :P ) and the description of Knuckles from the DL soldiers' points of view. I just adored how you used everything from his eyes to his body structure to show how he radiated his tough, cold exterior. It was awesome. And Eliza is amazingly cute. I know you get people telling you that all the time but this story really showed her cuteness, especially her reactions to Mighty when she first met him.

Okay, now that I've successfully read both the prologue and first chapter, now I can comment! XD

First off I have to say that you are one of my absolute favorite fan fic authors. (Sorry to inflate the ego, but it's true XD) You've got an innate sense of timing and know how to drag out the suspense over a long story and keep the reader on their toes, that's something not every writer can do.

Also, I find your dialogue superb and true to what each of the characters might say. I appreciate your ability to take cliche lines and twist them around into something new and inventive and most of the time very humorous! Especially in the case of the villain/hero bantering. And about that, your villains have depth and that's very nice to see. :)

I can tell that this is an earlier work, but I still enjoyed it very very very much and I'm looking forward to more chapters. I noticed a number of small typos throughout, but they are very easy to fix.

I would be honored to be another beta reader for you if you need one! I love reading your stories (even the old ones that you don't want me to see, mwah! XD).

As a fellow writer, you inspire me and I thank you for taking time to share yoru fan-verse with us. It's great!

*prostrates herself before the Sipp* Sorry for not reviewing this sooner >.

Goodness Sipp! For something that was writen a year an a half ago this still has a very smooth flow to it! I know you and you're skills as a writer have always been impectable, but everyone has room for improvement and you show that you use that room wisely everytime you write a story and I'm so proud of you for that. You just keep getting better and better and this shows that you always had talent.
My favorite part would have to be Az flying through the Aquacity on the air board and the repeation of "She loved it." Very detailed scene and I can picture if perfectly in my head and it's beautiful.
Excellent work as always my friend ^^ keep it up! and HA! ;P told you I would review

wow, you've definetly got me hooked. It's really nice to be reading something aside from crummy StH stories that are everywhere on here too. Some are good of course, but most of them are getting pretty lame :P

Aquacity sounds like a really cool place too, I hope you'll write a little more about it, I haven't played many old Sonic games, and fan-views of the places are always cooler =D

lol, and I have to comment about the humor, it's great because you don't overuse it, which makes it alot more effective when you do, like the Sonic impersonation and breakfast comment, it's not really expected, but fits perfectly and helps the story keep going. Keep it up Sipp, can't wait for the next one : )