 Lollipop Mimilove 4/3/05 . chapter 1No wonder it was finished a lot sooner than you thought it would be because that is VERY short. The story's title is a good one, but to be honest, that wasn't very exiting. Maybe if you made it longer there would be more time for interesting things. I think this could be really good, but you need to work on it a lot more before it gets there.
And also, we don't know that Pegasus was sent to the shadow realm. It's just assumed.
Sorry to sound so negative here. Again, I think that if you put work into this, it could be a great fic. The idea is top notch. As for the writing, I'm sure you can do better-and I'll be cheering for you. |