i loved this one :]

I like your take on this scene. One thing though (maybe you did it on purpose, I don't know) - in the play,Romeo poisons himself, he doesn't slit his wrists.

Yes, okay, you put across Juliet's feelings very eloquently. But it should be about more than mere wordiness, and to my mind Shakespeare already had this one pretty much nailed with all that she says. So, it's a good expansion of that, but a touch pointless, perhaps. Your obvious talent could be put to better use exploring a new area.