How amazingly awesome... I love how you put the character's identities in a confidential area until the very end. It's really awesome.

Oh... Thats so cool!! You're writing style really is improving I think!! You're so metaphorical... I like the idea of the sandcastle...
Keep Writing!

I didn't get your disclaimer and it could get you in trouble. I liked the thought style of this chapter yet too many parts of shattered thoughts may lose the reader's interest. There are thoughts with some parts that I don't think the 'mysterious' person actually mentions as nothing ties them together.
I'm too confused to say something since this is merely the start of something you have hidden well. Good job.

Have a nice, abuse-free day.

Story wa kawaii desu.
Gorubezu wa riko desu!
^_^ I hope I said that right!

Oh wow! That was like REALLY cool! It was um... SUPER COOL! I saw you in a bunch of people's stories and junk so I read this and WOW MAN IS THAT NEAT! I forget on some other things to ramble on but... COOL! Time for my evil laugh... MUHAHAHAHAHA! See ya!

This seems really interesting. I would like to see what happens next. Please continue.

aww cute n cool!

*Chao squiggle emotion pops above Narisha's head* "You did it... but I wasn't thinking who it was at all since you and Sally were yabbering about it behind me! LOL Next time you want somthing to be a surprise don't descuss it behind me!" Narisha nodded to her own words "But anyway, this was good and I liked it. So Good Luck with idea's! Cya~"

Fooled me. Write another.