Reviews for Caged No More - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Caged No More

DarkLady-Iria 2007-04-25 ch 1,	abuseMy god! i love it!
Yersi Fanel 2006-10-27 ch 1,	abuseThat was very sad and yet I like it, he hitai-ate detail was very nice.
Guardian Fox 2005-12-28 ch 1,	abuseaw! i almost started to cry!:( so good!
noname 2005-06-01 ch 1, anon.	abuseA nice little fic. I wish I could give you an oscar but I guess this rev is all that I can give you. Strange... I'm leaking.
lexkixass 2005-04-24 ch 1,	abuseLil' Monk: Thanks for the comments and the suggestions. I won't be applying them to Caged No More (read: tweaking the story), but I will be definitely keeping them in mind for my next fic. ^-^
Lil' Monk 2005-04-17 ch 1,	abusePoignant simplicity that fits Hinata... so here's some concrit. 'Hinata looked down at her cousin, her niisan.'Instead of a comma, try ... for a better effect. It's rigor mortis, not rigor alone. 'she tried to will her warmth to go to him'. How about 'tried to will her warmth into him' instead? Why!? should be ?!. 'She understood him perhaps better than anyone, and she loved him because she understood him.'... Try rephrasing it as 'Perhaps she was the one who knew him best, and it was because of this understanding that she loved him.' 'One of her hands let go of his'. Substitute 'let go of' for 'release'. You mentioned death twice in the same paragraph. Capitalize the first death as 'Death' (the entity) vs death (the condition) the second time round. Hyuuga Hiashi's eldest daughter? Elder daughter, since Hiashi only has 2 so far. 'Her eyes traveled from her face'... should be his face. 'Funny how though he had only worn his hitae-ate'.. Use 'Although' and remove the 'Funny how though'. Possible overuse of commas in more than one example. 'He looked naked...bare'. In this sentence, remove the first 'on his forehead'; it's too repetitive to have it twice in the same relatively short sentence. You might want to try rephrasing some sentences so that it doesn't start off with 'She' so many times. It feels a mite tedious. If this story has been beta-ed before, you might want to try looking for another beta? Just a suggestion. Otherwise, a short and touching piece that gets straight to the point with fitting subtlety.
Black Hikari 2005-04-03 ch 1,	abuseAww... That was.. beautiful. (sorry, can't think of another way to put it! >
Xoni Newcomer 2005-01-13 ch 1, anon.	abuseI think you expressed all feelings very well.
Alina-Cantha 2005-01-12 ch 1,	abuseOoh, very nice. I luvs Hyuugas. And that hair...was that maybe inspired by that topic I saw you mention the other day? Starring...Neji's hair! (Sorry, this is supposed to be serious.) straightens face Okay. It was a very nice story, true to character on Hinata. Their relationship after the exam hasn't really been covered much in the manga. (and I'm anime-deprived, so...) It's kind of a shot in the dark, but your version of it is very believable. I like it a lot. After their fight (as well as Neji's with Naruto), he probably would have begun to grasp his role as a member of the Branch Family and as a protector of the main more. But I'm rambling now. It was very nice, short and sweet.

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