That's it?

This story really didn't have much to do with "House on Haunted Hill." Sure, it's a haunted house on a hill, but that's it. Also, you left a lot of questions unanswered. Who was that old man? What happened to the boy's sister? Does he ever see his family again?

Also, your organization needs work. The paragraphs were way too long, and there were several spots where you should have started a new one. And put quotation marks on both sides of your quotes.

The story itself is good. Just add some more plot, work on breaking up the paragraphs, proofread it, and submit it to I wouldn't really call this a fanfic.

Rachael

nice dude

Someone needs to teach you what a paragraph is.

Story would be more readable if it were broken up a bit.

Hey Toni

Thanx for the advertisment. lol

love your story. hurry and write another one.

see ya soon

toodlepip

susan

Isnt that your english coursework u little cheater!

ah, well, nevermind, good anyway lol.

And which turtle person told me i was insane for liking Fanfiction? ? ? ? ?

See u later

Gem x x (Lady Vladislaus)

(Bit lazy to log in)

Great story turtle, i didn't no u were goin 2 put one up. i hope u update this soon or r u goin 2 write a nuther story?

anyway great story

love

badgerqueen

x x x