woah, that was deep. It is exactly how I imajine they feel!

awwww... it's so cute! (_)

That was nice but c'mon, try 2 make it sound more, umm... like them. Like, y'know? Like, the language could B more colloquial & use a bit of slang or something, it needs abbreiviations in words & it's like, "No, I do not want any porridge today mother. Now let us join our hands in a circle..." Well, U know...

I won't comment.

You know those ditzy blondes on t.v. (no offense to blondes, of course)? Well thats what your style reminds me of. I'm sorry, but everything you wrote was like really fast. As in; seejanerun seejanecatchball, ect. This could of done very well if it was..lets see..expanded and more detailed.

sigh Nope, twasn't changed since the e-mail... I think it's very rushed, and the POV is very annoying too. THe style just didn't seem to agree with the fic itself. I think it could use some work but, who am I to talk? I can't write to save my lifeg. MAybe I'm just not liking it cause I'm not a T/R person...who knows. :)

Nice idea, but unfortunately not too well written. Slow it down a bit - not necessarily meaning adding more (though that would be cool :) but just paragraphing, not as many run-ons, a little more emphasis on the important lines. And one more thing? They HAVE told each other how they feel. Although this could be before that... *smacks self* I knew that. Anyway. Work on the slowing-down part and it'll be great!

Awwwww! So sweet. It expresses their emotions perfectly. There's like hardly any flaws in this story maybe because it's sop short but o'well it's still really good!