That was good Akira. You told me alot on the phone, but it's really good! Continue the Holy Beauty NOW or I will kill you and hang you from a tree. Nah, just kiddin hehehehehheehhehehhehehheh TA TA!

Hiya again! Long time no post! Hey, some advice: Listen to the Danvers, the Danvers is good... ;) This part was excellent, and YES YOU SHOULD RIGHT MORE OR I MIGHT TURN THE REST OF MY SUMMER VACATION INTO A 'BUG YOU TO DEATH' FEST. And I'd rather not... :)

For someone who was uninspired this was quite a feat. Right. loadsa stuff. 1) Never tell people about your insecurities about writing. It will not help your writing. 2) Never ask people where the plot should be going. This is your fic; you are the ultimate creator here and what you say goes. If you start changing your ideas in accordance to what people ask you for, this will only create major problems for you. Using other people's suggestions might make your fic inconsistent. 3)Don't be too bothered about the reviews. If people genuinely like your fic and have something worthwhile to say, they'll say it whether you ask or not. 5) If you have real worries about writing, you should get a beta and they will iron out the small stuff like inconsistencies, spelling mistakes and grammer. 6) Don't say you expect flames; if you say that, people might flame you because they think they have licence to. 7) This is the longest review I've ever written and I've totally tried not to be mean, so I hope I wasn't. This is a good fic, your Daniel pov worked (though it could have been brushed up on it a bit more). And don't ask whether you should write the next part. You should keep writing until the fic tells you it's ready for the end. This is not a crap story. I've read some real turds that people have given glowing reviews to so I wouldn't worry if I were you. I hope this was of some help. Good work and keep writing.

hey! whats happening your way? N2MH! Just chillin!

I got to get back into story writing soon.. Hopefully in the next few days. you having a great summer. I am! hey i got to go bye! e mail me or review!

Actually, this entire thing was good! I never knew Stargate could be like this. Interesting.

Two things; You might want to put a space between your author's notes at the end, and the ending of the story. And second. Try to split it up in more paragraphs. It's much easier to read. But don't think I'm trying to flame you! This is really good! :)

This is really good! (again :) Hurry! Ugggg! lol :)

Can't wait untill the next chapter! :)

Lauren

First, I would suggest that you don't include anything like the following in your description of your next fic: "I've never been able to write a decent fic about the series." It causes the reader to expect that the story will be bad, and to look for problems. The same will be true if you announce that your story will be great. Just make a description and let the reader decide if it is good or not. However, it is ok to ask for advice. And since you did, I'll try to help you out.

My initial reaction upon seeing it is that the paragraphs are too clumped together. Include more spacing, and break it into smaller paragraphs. As for my more subjective opinion, I feel the story moved the story a bit too slowly. This isn't intended as a flame, or to discourage you from writing. You show some real potential, and I really look forward to your future work. Good luck.

Not bad. Good work so far. The plot has a lot of promise.

Maybe it's the cadence that's bothering you? Although it's perfect for a dream sequence, during the waking parts you might want to try using more complex sentences. Also, try to avoid starting sentences with personal pronouns. It's impossible to avoid it all the time, I know(and it's one of my own worst faults), but it will help break up the rhythm a bit.

I hope this helped, and that you keep writing. I'll be looking forward to the next installment.

You have a gift for description. I could easily see the woman and the planet. You made them come alive. Just one small quibble: put spaces in between your paragraphs to make it a little easier to read. All in all, very good!

This is sooooo good! Great job! I really didn't see anything wrong...and I'm looking forward to find out what happening to Daniel! (love that man. :) Please continue quickly! :)

That is really good! I would love to read more!