   MrsHellman
2009-11-10 . chapter 30Hello the-writer1988 (it says MissPotterBlack in the chapters though, and I remember that username, I think I’ve read one of your stories or something, when you went under that name -_-“ anyway!),
Okay, I’m not that good with leaving reviews, but I’m giving it a try, hehe . . . I’m been writing reviews for over three years now, and I still can't get the hang of constructive criticism, WHATEVER! To the point! xD I’m leaving a review because I thought – and still think – that this story is purely amazing! (I use these sentences in every single review I leave, sorry about that -_-") I’ve got to say that this story was really, really great :]
There was a lot of things I likes in this story, and I ADORE the fact that it’s about James as well as Harry, I love those characters, and my new obsession is Harry Potter fanfics with Harry’s parents alive. It’s so freaking sad that he doesn’t have his parents in the cannon story, it makes me tear eyed . . . TT_TT Well, well . . . ignore my whining, I’ve got some things to tell you. Sad thing you didn’t have Lily in this fiction though, well. . . not as much as I’d like, you actually added her two times – I think, in memories and the the ‘ghost act’ xD – and she’s just that beautiful. I sure as hell feel for James considering the fact that he can’t see her again . . . TT_TT –cries-
First off: I loved reading this story! x3 It contained friendship, angst, family and the long, hard, sweaty, painful, opposite-to-enjoyable way for a great relationship story – I’m thinking about Harry meeting his father and the way he felt about the love James gave him xD I’m a weird person, but I simply loved this story! I’ve got to say that I actually have some critique (I love critique, really, because that means that the readers are taking their time reading my story, and then think about it before reviewing :3) to give you, good, bad and constructive, hmm?? So prepare yourself :3 At least I’m giving you a warning, huh?? xD I’ve got a lot of things to say though and I want you to know that nothing is meant to be felonious ;P Sometimes, I ramble and then all of a sudden, there’s this little sentence that’s not supposed to be there you know . . .-_-“
The introduction is great, with Harry being at the Dursleys wishing for a father-figure (I really don’t like that word, and I know that other people didn’t as well – I’ve read your AN’s) and that it actually happened. It was a bit unrealistic though, but . . . I like it as well, because it was something new. It wasn’t time travel BOOM! and it’s all running, you had an introduction, and it was extremely well-written, which remind me; you’re simply awesome with grammar, spelling, capitalization, details, descriptions, emotions, keeping the characters quite IC (Harry’s personality was a bit off, but concerning the circumstances, I think you had his personality written out quite precise, or how you should say it xD), realistic writing and to keep a good length of the chapters as well as for the story itself :D I tend to write too much when writing a story, but when I read this, I realised that I write too little :S
But I’ve got to tell you about the things I didn’t like as much either . . . the whole incident with the Veil and all that was a tiny winy bit unrealistic, but the incident was interesting – don’t get me wrong, I love the story – but this one incident made me tilt my head and arch a brow. I like to see fights between Harry and his enemies because it brings a certain tension to the matter, but it also depends on how well written these scenes are, and in this case, you had a fight and then this whole Veil thing happened. The scene and all that were great, but at the wrong time, the wrong place and just . . . well . . . it was wrong. James and Sirius should have died by passing through the Veil, but they didn’t, and then Peter sacrifices himself to save Sirius. And then you tell us that it’s not possible for James to die etc. It was very wrong somehow . . . I think it would have been better if he died there actually, even though it would have been extremely sad . . . I can see you wanted him alive, but you’ve got to think about the circumstances and if you can actually add a certain scene, keep certain people OC etc. Okay? Think about that :]
Now . . . what else to tell you, well, the constructive criticism is left! xP It was a great story in general, but you noticed, from time to time, that things were stressed. This happened during nearly a year in ~ 30 chapters, that weren’t that long, and everything happened so fast. It’s an art to be able and write a story at a good pace, I tend to write too fast, so yeah . . . I can’t give you personal advice on how to make things better, sorry -_-“ Another thing is that you shouldn’t use scenes from the real books, that’s considered plagiarism even though you have written the scenes differently, and to top it all off; we’ve already read some of the scenes in the real book, and if you write too much from the actual book, the story won’t have a life of its own. Think about that as well :D
I DID LIKE ANOTHER THING THOUGH! xD Harry liking his father so much! That James was there and cared for him. The way James was overprotective made me squeal, I love scenes like that! Great that Umbridge was there as well, hate the hag, but it sure made an awesome story! :D
All in all, I loved the story, and I’d like to see more from you, thank you for a wonderful story! :D -runs off to read more story where James and Lily are alive and about- But . . . I won’t read your sequels to this story, because I like the way this one ended, so no. . . I’d like to imagine their future together myself, just to let you know :]
Huggles,
Mi |
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
