Pretty nice, although I had to reread the first chapter to remember the storyline! Very nice, very nice indeed...

charmaine u sexy beast :D man loved the fic keep it up :D

Hm... this story is interesting so far, but you need to mop up more then a few errors...

1) There is a difference between the symbols " " and ' ' "These" are for someone talking. 'These' are for someone quoting a quote.

2) ‘He still a little shaken up about Rose, but he’ll be fine..."
REVISION:
"He's (or he is) still a little shaken up about Rose, but he’ll be fine..."

3) ‘Has it been potted yet?’ Huh? Metal gears can be potted? What does it grow into?

4) Also, there are a few places where you say 'know' instead of 'no' and the other way around.

Other then that, it's pretty good...so far. Good luck, I will keep up with this.