 Not-So-Innocent Flamer 2/5/08 . chapter 1Ello.
I'd like to pretend that this was your first story ever, so then I could be really excited at how bloody fantastic it would be for a firsty writer, but I'm guessing you've already had practice so...
This is actually a nice flame. Does that exsist? Well, it does now. I'd just like to touch on a few minor things, and one major one. Normally I have to ramble on and on because the story is so bad, but this one is actually highly above decent. As in, I was actually interested in the plot. Wowza!
Firstly, and most importantly, it's kind of cliche. The plot itself has been used over and over (Draco sends an annon. valentine, Gin finds out, blah blah) but it's nice that you tried to make it your own with the roses thing, even though that was a bit to much fluff for me to handle, her getting the only red one. Ginny, in my opinion, is spot on in character in the beginning, being to mature for other guys, but when she meets Draco again, she becomes this simpering little eleven year old. Huh? Where'd your mature and strong Ginny go? Please bring her back, I quite love her!
Random note: Did you know that yellow roses are actually meant to convey jealousy? Honestly, they are. I forget what white are, maybe purity, but red and pink are pretty much correct.
You, my friend, have one of the best writing styles I've seen. And I've been on this site for a quite some time. Really, I'm quite pleased that you know how to use good grammar and spelling. It almost brings a tear to my eye. You do very well on character descriptions, but I'd think I'd like to see some more physical ones. Maybe that's just my taste.
'Her eyes crackling...' I friggin' love you. I love love love the word variation and dynamics. Wow, just wow. I've never heard ANYONE use that phrase before, and I find that I'm quite in love with it. This rather goes back to the writing style again, but you have some of the best choice in words. Really, you really really do. I just repeated about fifty words in that paragraph, which is against my moral code. That's how awesome I think it is.
So, in conclusion, maybe a little cliche, but that's hard not to do with a V-day story, so good work! This may possibly be the best review I've ever given! Kudos!
P.S. I absolutly ADORE the title. |