The story does jump around quite a bit from scene to scene without giving the reader a chance to get used to, and get the feel of one scene.

I can see already that these two teens will probably hook up at some point. A younger version of the orignal Hunter and McCall.

Good luck with any future writing.

I understand that you call yourself McCall-Hunter -1fan - but in all honesty, it doesn't mean you should write fanfic for this show. To be perfectly honest, I didn't understand your submission or how the song fit with what you wrote. I'm sorry I don't have anything positive to say.

you're a very random writer. Your stories don't flow or have a plot.

I wish I had something positive to say. : C