I don't think you screwed up... I think this is great told from more than one point of view. _

Very dark, and very good.

O I like this. Dark and disturbing. _ Very well written as well-can't forget that fact. ;;

I like it! Poor Hisoka. He was so suffocated from all the feeling of people around him. So the boy that was he's only friend must be his imaginary friend. Or should I say his cautiousness? Good story really.

Whoooo. Very, very original. Introspective and scary; well done.

::grins:: Mind if I worship you? Hisoka was long ago declared my favorite anime character, and you've captured him perfectly (I can see him having an imaginary friend. I would, if I were in his situation). Your stories are exactly what I look for when I come to this site. Keep writing

That was so sad...and yet so beautiful...

o_o That was twitchy-creepy. I really liked it, despite the fact that I know next to nothing about Yami no Matsuei... _; And it didn't seem THAT screwed uo... but you're right about Hisoka seeming schizophrenic (or however it is spelt -_-;)

i don't think you screwed up. This was a sad stary...but very good. I hope you write more

Wow! I love this

I like this fic a lot and I don't think you screwed up at all! But then, I like experimental ways of presenting stories, and I like angst, and this has both in spades! Poor little Hisoka... made me want to cry. The opening scene is GREAT - wonderful imagery. Keep writing!

I can swear that Hisoka is a schizo. . .but that's okay.

This story is almost disturbing. . .but I like it. I think you exaggerate his hate and all a little too much, it DOES get repetitive after a while. Like you said, mixing the story through Hisoka and his friend would be a good idea. It would present two views of Hisoka, perhaps one of which is superficial.

To decrease the illusion of schizophrenia, perhaps you could cut down on the number of spaces between lines. That seems to hint at voices in one's head. "Voices. . .screamin' in my head tell me I'm gonna end up dead" - Powerman 5000: "Voices"

Anyways, I really like where you're going with this story. A bit grim, but that's the whole point, now isn't it? Just don't overdo it, because it gets boring.

Nyuura

27.03.2001