   Chaltab
2006-12-01 . chapter 50Okay, first, my review of this final chapter, and then the story itself as a whole.
As a condluding chapter, this had some good ideas, but also had a lot to be desired. For two months of work, there was still a lot of your characteristic redundant wording throughout, and while it's not an issue with the story, it is annoying to be constantly told the same information over and over again. Something it would be good to work on for your next time around with the Titans.
The plot was fine, but some of the scenes, such as Blackfire's return, and Brain/Rouge's death didn't really seem to have enough weight to them. I'm not sure what to say other than that.. I really can't pinpoint what the problem is, just telling you how I feel. As such, this point might be purely subjective.
Nightwing. Ah, I'd been waiting for that one the whole story, Dick finally making Tim Drake's costume less redundant by switching. Good job there.
Thantaodin... okay, I defintely don't like the name. To me it sounds like a cellular condition or organelle, maybe something related to frogs... A friend of mine said it sounded like a prescription drug. I see where you're going with Thanos and Odin, but I think you could have either combined the terms more effectively or come up with a better way of getting the same idea across. Personally, I like the idea of math-themed names for Trigon's relatives (my name for Trigon's father is Arithma, for example, as in, Arithmetic and Trigonometry)...
Nightwing fell for Thanatodin's plot rather easily, I think, though it was nice to get to have the Big Bad actually be Big. I might complain about the use of yet another relative of Trigon and/or Slade combination as the final villain, but you did it in a way that wasn't egregious (though still somewhat forced.) The Brother Blood corpse thing was just freaky.
I will say this; the ending was a bit cheesy, with all the talk of how good things were for the Titans. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, but I think that was a case where you should have use the 'show, don't tell' principle. Over all, this wasn't what I was expecting as the finale, but it could have been a lot worse.
(Now the story as a whole.)
I will say this, as it was said about one of my own stories: It has good spelling, passable grammar, and actual fightwing instead of endless boinking. This automatically qualifies it as better than 98% of Titans fanfics there. Of the two percent remaining, I'd say this falls somewhere in the middle. You're plots were consistently entertaining, and your cliffhangers always made me want to continue instead of thrwoing my hands up in disgust. You fell into cliche a few times, but always did something that made up for that.
Your dialogue is okay... BUT, and this is one of my bigest complaints about your writing style in general... you're dialogue TAGS are conssistently and pointlessly redundant. You constantly brought up Raven's sarcasm when it was obvious she was being sarcastic. Some things need to be stated plainly, but you should have let us infer a lot of what you stold us straight out, otherwise it feels like you're talking down to your readers.
And ditto for the constantly telling us how evil the villains are. There are few things more annoying than that. A character can say or think it, but when the narrarator says it, it comes across as forced and cheap. Remember, show, don't tell. Which brings me to characterization in general.
While I loved your Terra and thought you did a good job with the Titans as a whole, your villain characterization was lacking. Everyone seemed to fall into the generic stereotype of "Look how *EVIL* I am. Ain't I so EVIL! I love EVIL!" While this can work for demons, it doesn't for Slade Wilson. Slade is a man who does not see himself as evil. He sees himself as superior. He wants to rule the world, probably because he really thinks he's the best qualified for the job. No doubt he has a viscious streak. He is an assassin and a murderer, after all. But he is not a 'madman' as you described him, nor is he psychotic. The best moment in the story as far as Slade's characterization goes, was going to Rose for help and then deciding she could be useful.
Lex Luthor can be psychotic, but again, he also doesn't see himself as evil. He is, though. Luthor is truly the most evil thing on the planet, in my mind. His flaw is quintessential delusion of entitlment. His genius, he thinks, is what should save the world, not Superman's might. He hates an authority or power who 'holds his people back', and this would include God Himself. Luthor would challenge God Himself if he could. His desire to use Terra for his plans was good, but certain aspects made him feel more like the Gene Hackman version than the Clancy Brown version. (Though maybe that was what you were going for.)
One final thing; I know I've mentioned how I don't like Beast Boy/Raven pairings, and that still stands. But yours wasn't bad for what it was, and your Cyborg/Bumblebee actually grew on me. Not much, since you didn't realy develop it, just 'made it happen', but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I guess the problem is you just sort of had them falling ofr each other (all your pairings really, except RObin and STarfire) without really explaining the thought behind it. In an ensemble fic like this, it's to be expected, but still, worth mentioning for future refference.
Over all, your story is definitely a part of the solution and not the problem, and I think you have potential if you just work on the things I've mentioned. Happy future ficcing. |
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