Oh, no...*sobs* who did such a horrible thing? And why?

Sweet. The end could have been a bit more clear. Do you explain that in the journal fasnfics

That was good.

What! You killed off Ash too? Okay this gets very intreasting.

Beautiful job on this...though now I am debating about posting my new fic about the McKenzie brothers ((if you were to read it, you'd understand :p))

I'm adding this story (and you) to my favorites list...I felt myself choke up once or twice :3

I guess its the end... it was a very interesting story and hum congratulation on finishing it. I'm glad you got your internet cable back! LOL pretty pointless to mention in this review though :P

Hum i like the dry humor you put in this story despite the drama and i dont think i brought up enough your good stuff
Does that mean that Ash survived? Or did he just came back to life again? I'm afraid i misunderstood this part...

LOL Brock and Tracey spying on them...LOL! They're being discovered and finally when Ash and Misty think that theyre alone WE (the audiencE) discover than Delia was there all along and worse she taped it!
Guess its some kind of happy ending!

They stayed that way for several minutes before the need for oxygen overcame them.
LOL! CUTe too!

Well ... I think the best chapter was the first and you should follow its model to improve a bit at least if thats what you want! I reviewed every chapter and try to point out what i thought could be improved. Hope i wasnt too mean or anything just trying to help... thanks for reading mine also!
C ya!
~michelicious

LOL... at the end youre more like toying with your audience... leaving cliffies and joking... well i guess i cant say too much about that either lol!
Well ill just read the last chap! Finally got there!
C ya!
~michelicious

Well Ash is shot again... is their memories erased?
LOL! i dont have a lot to say about this chapter... maybe more description but i believe your grammar improved :P

LOL! Ash was kinda cute

C ya!
~michelicious

Why have they been given another chance? any particular reason? Just wondering... this chapter was again full of emotions and i think its good that he first meet her mother before Misty...
Ash is a bit selfish in my opinion even if he wanted to protect her (in everyones thiking) but he was protecting himself first... lifelong sorrow is worse than a bullet!
neways just my opinion
Good chap
C ya!
~michelicious

first question... who is Harrison?
second question... why did he came back this much late
third question... what the heck was the police doing!

It was previsible that you would kill ash but i didnt think it to be this quick! Anyway i think it happens a bit too fast! lol it makes 7/7/7! Almost 6/6/6 :P lol!

At the beginning the description was very good!
But his victories lacked the enthusiasm which he was known for. This line was great too!
Well i guess hes gonna be with Misty...
C ya!
~michelicious

Wow... why was team rocket this nice to ASh... will you explain it in the next chapter?... the songfic was touching again... lol i really need new adjectives...
Hum Ash was sobbing i think its the first time we see him crying or read ... LOL!

Hum i know its pathetic to try to lighten the drama with humor hehe but thats just me! It seems like they're always some wise person in each chapters to support Ash but i mean besides her sisters we didn't see anyone else THAT sad maybe you should have shown other people grief to i dont know deepen Misty's departure

What a surprise at the end... Mistys in contact with Miss Joy! Thats definitely a twist lol!
Well c ya!
~michelicious

Okay... One thing i forgot in last chapter was the use of script dialogue... maybe you should just stick with the normal one... especially since Fanfiction isnt really okay with this format...

Hum this line caught my eye:
He planed to propose to her right there at sunset. But sadly it would serve for another purpose.
... It was full of emotions in my thinking great! but hum i believe its the worng verb time... isnt it supposed to be He had planned neways i may be wrong

hum... what else? Oh yeah! It was very touching! I mean seeing Misty being tearing apart for other reason than her death and see through her eyes the reflection of Ash's despair...
GREAT.

Ash is acting quite immature though... sprinting off always like that escaping reality... poor guy
Brock was wise...like always when hes not chasing after women! LOL!

Great chapter overall and i think its cute that she sees her mother and how she learns shes dead is ... kinda special

C ya!
~michelicious

Hum... well I think the emotions and feelings were flowing in this chap! I mean Ash is so depressed and even a little insane ... Its touching and get to the heart

One thing to improve would be to combine emotions and realism... I mean Mistys sisters couldnt have guessed this easily that she was dead... people would just imagine the worst but wishing for it to not be true probably would ask something like did she have an accident (I think it would have been sadder this way as we all know its far worse than that)

I love how you kept their sisters in character ! I mean with the good advices and caring side they not always show by seeming airheads girl and act snobby towards Misty lol! and the 'like' you had at about all of their sentences that was putting realism to the characters!

The description was good! You can always improve thats my motto and im looking for the MAXIMUM of my capacities (not always though hehe) thats why Heart Break was important to me and i presume that you want the maximum of YOURS to be shown in your first fic... cool... if ever you follow some of my advices tell me! Id love to check it out again!

LAst thing... I think you put the suicide solution too soon... It would have had a better effect if Ash was slightly thinking about it and surprise the readers then! just my thought though...

C ya in next chap!
~michelicious

okay this chapter is slightly less good than the other one. there was some mistakes you could correct like no to be hear instead of not and its almost just dialogue so theres a lot less of description that could better image the sadness and emotions or just the setting...

Mistys part was god and surprising! I mean... heaven and everything... but maybe you should have seperate the 2 parts... I think the idea is great! Just not put at his best potential ... like EVERY first fic are and will be.

LOL! Im very critique when it comes to improving lol! Learn from the best (in my opinion) Maia's Pen

C ya in next chap!
~michelicious

Wow, I actually had never read the fic before... (LOL obviously)
And i'm pretty surprise at his lenght and description i mean it awesome! I knew you were a great author but i was expecting something else for your first fic (mine sucked but i was glad so much persons supported me) You have more than a hundred reviews for a 10 chapters fic so i dont think there's anything wrong with this fic. Except for one thing that bothered me, it seemed to me that everything happened so fast I mean one moment Ash is gawking at misty and the next he is getting shot...
Besides that i believe this one of the greatest first written pokemon fic I've read.
(I'd have read it sooner if it wasn't for the summary :P I like precise ones lol! just messing with ya!)
It's really late about 1 AM so hum ill continue reading the story later but like just the first chapter could make a story i mean it could be a oneshot and a good one. I don't really have any further questions except for the how-ash-is-going-to-live-this thingy. Well Good work!
C ya!
~michelicious