Whoa... this story is amazing for only one capter so far! You detail the story incredibley! I can't wait fr more of this story to come!

i like it so far. Your spelling is great and so is your grammer. How about later on putting in some romance? I can't wait till hil becomes a pokemon trainer. Moore please!

I really liked this chapter. I don't mind chapters that are long; typically, I write long chapters myself. For me, chapter length is just about getting up to a particular point in the fiction, so I don't try to restrict myself too greatly. If a lot happens, it will be long.

Anyway, I think that you characterized both Hillary and the "green sandsrew" quite well. In particular, I think that you captured their innocence. The idea that her parents are opposed to her becoming a trainer is a bit cliché, but I think that you pulled it off well in general. Nice work.

Hmm...catching the green Sandshrew? Is that like shooting the white elephant? Just wondering...

I like this story a lot. It's definitely one of the better Pokemon fanfics I've read (and trust me-I've reat a *lot*!). The first chapter was really long, but as long as your chapters keep about the same length I'm sure I'll get used to reading long chapters!

~ Lady Black Widow ~