You're moving too fast. Take more time to build the scenes and develop the characters. Also, the last paragraph in this chapter is kind of confusing.

But I like your idea. It's an original telling...I'm curious to see how Summer plays into all of the 10th Kingdom stuff.

Also, it's kind of confusing that Summer was adopted at 16, but didn't know who her parents were. (Might want to explain that.) Also, if she was adopted, explain how she still went to school with Katie, since, normally, adopted children don't end up going to school with their old friends.

Just some food for thought. Keep up the good work!

_ D'oh! In my review I meant seperate long paragraphs not chapters, my bad. Just had to clear that up. :-)

Queen Renarde

Oh, and you're on my favorite authors and author alert lists. Feels good, don't it?

This is good, I like it a lot. Try and seperate long chapters like you have in Chapter One, but the rest is pretty good writing. Can't wait for a next chapter. Good job and thumb's up :-)

Queen Renarde

P.S. I'd planned to name wendell's son Wiliiam, too, by the way. There's a shortage of Good w-names, specially for girls. When my current story gets finished, you might like to read the sequel with Wendell and Virginia's kids. :-)

Oh I really like the ending i can't to read how those two end up together. Its very suspensfull. You really should be carefull with your spaceing you have a lot of words combined together. Otherwise terrific can't to read what happens next

I really liked this chapter. "Prince William" *wink, wink*? I can't wait to read more.

Tootles,

Widow Shark

PS: You may like my stories, Winter's End and When I Go to Bed. Keep writing and keep smiling : ).

A good start, I cant wait to read more :-)

Wow that was good a few grammer problems and I could have lived without knowing the bust size of the two girls, but very good in the description I could totally picture what they looked like. Maybe you should get a beta reader to help out with the grammer problems.

A great start, but you need to be more aware of commas, grammar, and spelling. I saw a lot of mistakes. Other than that I love the characters; they seem very deep, especially Summer. So, keep writing and keep smiling : ).

Tootles,

Widow Shark

PS: Looking forward to the next chapter.