 Sam 2006-03-17 . chapter 1 That was stuipd. The story line anyway. Your a really good writer though. |
 RWT 2005-07-23 . chapter 1Magically, a rock, which came out of nowhere, hit him directly on the forehead.
“Ow! That….hurt.”
He looked down at his hands, flesh and bones. He looked up, surprised, “I’m alive again?”
The stars twinkled.
“For the night?” he asked, sounding somewhat disappointed, “What am I going to do during the night?”
The rock hit him again.
He smiled not needing to be told twice
-I love that part! |
 LatyfeSurLeSora 2005-06-15 . chapter 1ok that was just too cute. |
 Arctic Husky 2005-03-20 . chapter 1Here is the promised review! ^^ *finally getting around to writing it*
I could tell by the way that you portrayed Sheena that you were being careful to try and keep her in character, which you did do, but it seemed like kind of a safe zone. There almost seem to be some parts where she didn't really have any emotions. Her feelings were always the strongest when she was alone... which is realistic, but she's gotta have some feelings when she's talking with Zelos, right? ^^;; Zelos was well in character, though. That typical romantic that he is. ^^
Heh. I enjoyed the part where Zelos was communicating with the goddess, but I do think that it'd be good if you made it more apparent who he was talking to.. since the sentence before he was commenting on his wound to Lloyd, then he's talking to the sky. (I got it, but some people may think he's going a little crazy)
When I just looked over the story again, it seems like your description faded as the story went along. It becames more focussed on dialogue; not that that's a bad thing at all! But it'd still be nice to get into the characters' thoughts at times, and maybe get a better feel for their surroundings.
At the moment, that's all the advice that I have to give you... aside from the grammar, of course. ^^ Hopefully I'll find some free time to fix the grammar up for you.
Now, for a little bit of just plain praise to even things up. XD This story had a completely original concept that I haven't seen in any other stories in this section. Many people have written about the deaths of one of the characters, but no one has gone in depth with what happened afterwards. The supernatural touch was really unique. I enjoyed the ending a lot, too. ^^ It finally made sense why Orochi was frequently appearing throughout the story.
Overall, good job, BISM! ^^ I hope that you continue writing Sheelos fics to add to this section, man. Your originality would do the pairing some good.
*hugs* ~RTA... or The Zelda Master |
 KyraValo 2005-03-19 . chapter 1aw so kewl! i totally enjoyed every part of this fic. it was wondermous! parts to laff at, parts to cry at, parts to go 'no' at...twas gude! keep it up!
*~Kyra~* |
 Game-kid17 2005-03-17 . chapter 1OMG! That was so cute! It was like- the best story I've ever read in my life! XD omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgOMG! *heavy sigh* wow, you rule! That was so adorable! =^.^=...yes...ahem...well- awesome fic! I like your work, keep writting! Later!
sign
Game Kid |
 J.A.Phillips 2005-03-17 . chapter 1Sweet. Not only was it a good fic, but you used Captain Charisma's theme music. |
 E.S. Simeon 2005-03-16 . chapter 1Hmm,ok that was very good(I don't support paring) your writing is excellent! |
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