I really liked this - the concept of tension between lamia in the Night World is an interesting, and underused, one. The voice in this story is really strong, and (unlike a lot of first-person narratives) conveys a lot about the narrator, which I know is really difficult to do. The diary-entry technique actually works really well, which surprised me - in fanfic, it can come across as confused or contrived, but you pulled it off almost perfectly. I thought the choice to set it in the past tense really contributed to that, and gave you the ability to use foreshadowing much to your advantage.

I noticed that sometimes your sentences can get a little long, which can be confusing for readers. I suffer a longstanding addiction to brackets and semi-colons, so I know how tempting it is, but I would really suggest trying to cut it down a little.

I know you haven't updated this in a long time, but I would be very interested to see what happens next, and I really enjoyed reading what you have up already! :)

~Lauren

Beautifully written. I enjoyed it, and you used the euphemisms well, without overusing them. Short and sweet, I guess. **grin** I, among I'm sure many others, would love to see more.

Wow! This is breath takingly beautiful! I love your descriptions and metaphors/simile. This is very well written- although you should have seperated the paragraphs a bit more. Some of your sentences need to be rephrased to have a greater impact.
Other than that, this is a really beautiful chapter and even though I am dying to know everything about this person- it stands brilliantly on its own. If you have a stroke of genius I'd encourage you to carry on. But if you think you should leave it like this, then so be it.
Great, great, great writing! Well done!