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| Northern 2008-05-30 ch 5, | abusenice story, but could ya make em longer. its really short and quick to read. also, when will the others make their debut? |
| Hawki 2006-08-25 ch 4, | abuseIt's ok. I'll see how it turns out. You may want to make the chapters a bit longer. |
| GoldenTalesGeek 2006-08-22 ch 4, | abuseVery good chapter, Sakura! It was almost melodramatic, but thankfully you managed not to cross that line. I wonder when you're gonna update your other fics...? No pressure or anything! ;) Well, good luck! ~ GoldenTalesGeek P.S. Don't forget to keep in touch! |
| dorkfishy 2005-04-28 ch 2, | abuseBTW, I'm not flaming!! |
| dorkfishy 2005-04-27 ch 1, | abuseok. Crapy story (no efense!) that last dude was right, just your average crush, not true love. And the chapter are way too short! |
| GoldenTalesGeek 2005-04-25 ch 3, | abuseThat bastard Loki! How could he do that to Piers? Forgive my language... Great chapter. I hope Sakura forgives him. Keep up the good work! P.S. I added this story to my C2 community archive. Hope you don't mind... |
| Zaurak 2005-04-23 ch 2, | abuseSalutations from the God of doom, destruction, and bunnies! I have come a long way to review this fine story of yours! So far so good, I like it. What really pleases me is the beautiful and vivid descriptive language (wisteria eyes, wine hair, etc...) However, the darned editor side of me has a few things to say: 1.Tenses...the very first two paragraphs of your story are past tense, then you switch into the commonly used present tense. It's disconcerting. 2. You should probably take out the whole first chapter since it's all rewritten in your second chapter. It was a bit annoying having to scroll down to find the part where the story continued. 3."It has been nearly 10 Lemurian Years since Adrianna’s and Piers’ parents have taken off to see if King Hydros’s scholars were correct." I just wanted to point out that you used Adrianna instead of Sakura. You might want to fix that. 4. The whole story is a bit rushed, things happen a bit too quickly. ^_^ Draw things out a bit, add some suspense. Also, I thought Sakura's temper tantrum when she found Piers was going away to be a bit melodramatic and cliched. Other than a few grammatical and spelling errors, I have nothing left to point out. This is really good for a first fic. As for flames, don't worry about them. People will always be upset when you mess with the canon. You just have to show them otherwise. Now that I'm done with my essay long review, I'll be leaving. Looking forward to an update! |
| GoldenTalesGeek 2005-04-19 ch 2, | abuseHey, another Piers fic! Cool! Whoops! Now my keyboard is frozen... *thaws out keyboard* That's better... This was actually a pretty neat fic. I'm wondering, what was your inspiration for this fic? It kinda reminds me of my Piers fic, "The Son of Lemuria", which I just recently updated. Take a look at it if you want. |
| Frozen Perfection 2005-04-14 ch 1, | abuseHey Naomi, great story, I think this will turn out pretty good. I'm so proud of you! ::glomps:: I'll keep reveiwing you, but I can't reveiw you more than once because of the thingy. So hurry up man! Now, on the other hand, WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DAIDAIRO! Man, you have a lot of stories, but from what I can see and read, you don't have any talent whatsoever.It took you 13 chapters to get at least 72 reveiws. That, my smart ** lil friend, is what I would call bad. It took my only 4 to get that much. See what I'm saying? Now, I wouldn't normally be this mean, but in this case, I will be. This is Naomi's first ever post on the internet for a story, so go easy on her! I have no problem with the two earlier guys up there who have reveiwed, but you I do. You should never flame unless the author is totally making fun of the show, game, or whatever it is. She's not, so back the $#*% off. Anyway, great story Naomi! Talk to ya later! Oh, and I'm sorry for everyone but Naomi and Daidairo who read that. |
| savedbyJC'sgrace 2005-04-03 ch 1, anon. | abuseFirst of all I would like to say that you have a great way of using adjetives. It really puts you in the scene. Now for the constructive critisism: I do think that it's kind of strange for ten-year-olds to act like that, even if it is a crush. When I was ten-years-old I thought that boys where the most discusting thing on Earth. I am NOT flaming you, I repeat, I am NOT flaming you. I do however have a word of advice for you as one writer to another. Maybe you can try to spread the relationship out for a number of years. For example, they could maybe start out at the age of ten and be best friends and at age fourteen start to feel stronger feelings between each other. If it doesn't take too much time maybe you can go back and revise the first chapter in order for you to have more character development in the future. (You don't have to of course) Another thing you have to remember is that when you create your own character it's bound to not be an over night success. HOWEVER, if you allow enough time for clean character development people will start to respond. Remeber it's the originality of the auther that makes a great fanfiction story. Remember that a summery is the first impression of a story that a reader gets. Don't tell the reader that you suck at summeries because what's going to stop them in thinking that you're a bad writer? Try to redo the summery if you have the chance. In your free time at school try as hard as you can to think about how to summerize your story into one or two sentences. If you honestly can't think of a good summery tell a friend about your story that's good at summeries and have them write it. Don't get discouraged in your writing either. Believe me, I've seen much worse storys than this. Usually reviewers only give an author a good review just because they like the pairing. I read this one story and the plot was unoriginal and boring. Nothing ever really happened in the story and there were grammer and spelling mistakes galore. (Phew!) Again please don't consider this as a flame! If writing really is your passion, don't give up and try, try, try and try again until you hit that story that everyones talking (or typing about). P.S. If you knew me you would now that when I got going I can rant and rave for hours so please don't get offended! |
| siverstorm 2005-03-26 ch 1, | abuseI'm lazy...so I AGREE WIT THE LAST DUDE |
| Daidairo 2005-03-25 ch 1, anon. | abuseDefinite horrible Mary Sue, lame storyline, crappy physical crush not true love, unnatural ten year old fall in love thing, and the chapter is too short. If you want more readers and more joy in writing, I suggest you rewrite it after more planning. |