You should problably come up with some kind of sequeal to the story so it will sound like it is really finished.(Because it sounds like you havent finished it yet).

that was pretty good i really hope u continue soon hurry up and up date it

i like it it shows how much raiden sucks... he does suck ALOT :)

Hm...quick, but nice. Minor suggestion: do a follow up of the same events through Raiden's eyes? Should be interesting to see what his thoughts are, since he 'remembers' bits and pieces of his childhood even then. Nice job though.