Reviews for The End - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: The End

Clog 2005-04-08 ch 4,	abuseThat's really good! I trust you're working on the next chapter? I hope so antyway, I'm glued to it now...
Glehnmarc-Hibburt 2005-04-08 ch 3,	abuseHey, this is pretty interesting I like, 'll be keeping an eye on futher development. I like the title too. The End. You might find my story interesting as well. Mine's on 'the beginning'! Keep up the good work.
Essie Aster 2005-04-06 ch 4,	abuseI definitely like where you're going with this story, though parts of it seem a bit shaky. I really don't want to sound overly critical, but I hope you don't mind if I add my $.02. First off I really wouldn't consider this fan-fiction since the bible is public domain. It could really be classified as either if you want to be technical, but that's only a side note. I really like the way you've divided the characters by appearance and accent. It adds quite a bit. I do think, however, that some of your time spans make the story a little too fantastical. I can almost see the dirt and fallen buildings, but then you say a man near dying and a boy fight for 3 hours. It just jarrs the image, I guess. I'm not meaning to say that it's bad, if you're meaning to be fantastical about it. I guess I personally have a tendancy to like stories that feel real, like they're actually happening around me. From what I've read, you've got the potential to do that. Granted, your story's still really short, but I think with as far along as you've moved you've missed what could be some good character development, and that pulls away from the "real" feeling of your characters. I think, also, that you should mention more of, how do these people eat underground? If the sun is gone, how do plants survive to feed the animals and therefore the people? Are they using any modern technology in either tribe? Things like that. I really can see a very distinct contrast between the girls, and I really like that. I dont' mean to sound overly critical, I'm just trying to be helpful and give some pointers. I'll definitely keep an eye on this.
Mistress of Magic3 2005-04-06 ch 4,	abuseWrite more, please, write more! This is beginning to be very good. You can't be finished now, can you...? It's wonderful, really.
Banana Bread 2005-04-06 ch 2,	abuseOh, sorry. ^_^ I didn't even proofread these. The infant boys are dead, and there's two living teenage boys. I failed to introduce those two. O.o; Um... I'll edit that now!
strawbeby 2005-04-06 ch 2,	abuseO.o ... Woah. That's... tragic. keep writing. I really want to hear what you got! (btw if the boys in Muirne's story were infants how could they talk?) adds story to my Fav list

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