Hmm. I just wanted to remark upon something I've seen in your writing style that I personally find rather distracting. You have the habit of starting your sentences with the name of the character, followed by an action.

"John did this."

"John did that."

Maybe, if you agree with me in this, you could try and find another way of pinpointing the character who you are describing the actions of. Perhaps through descriptive narrative where you pinpoint the character by his features, rather than his name, or such?

I hope this helps you polish your writing style. Good luck.

Good luck with your books. I hope they get published so i can read your stories without getting blind by this computer screen. I really think you have a chance, but if they are published, will they be under the name of Dave still?

Keep writing.

-YoginiGal

I think that story is what every writer has in mind when they try to write the wiley Jarlaxle. Good job.

Great as always! I'm disapointed I won't be seeing anymore of these but I don't blame you. I plan to keep my eyes open for your novel, if it's as good as your fanfics then passing up that read would be a mistake

I can't believe this story has gotten only ten reviews...because it's great! The characters are more than realistic, they actually come to life. And the plot could just as well be from one of Mr. Salvatore's short stories (only I think this is far better than his present production). It's always enjoyable to read well-written fanfiction and this certainly fills that definition.

Hon, they'd have to be deaf, dumb, blind, and crazy to boot to reject your stuff. I can only guess at what you're writing, but I'm sure it'll be awesome and I will be waiting in breathless anticipation for them! :)

Must be the best thing I read so far. Both Entreri and Jarlaxle are so much in charcter... I won't say this is better then original Salvatore work because, frankly, I don't think very higky of him. This story however... well, makes me wish these were your characters instead of his... Hells, it might want to make me buy a TSR book! ;)

Great job. Hope your own stuff gets oublished (I'll be sure to read it) and I hope... with all my heart... (OK, I'll cut it with the pathetic bit ;) ) that you'll post more wonderfull fanfics like this one.

Ah, I'll miss your wonderful fics, but I still wish you lots of luck with your original works. You are going to tell us when they get published, won't you? (Guess it's too much to hope for that they'll be available here in Austria, but then I do buy most of my FR book from anyway ...)

I love this! It's very clever and fits the characters extemely well.

*finally recovers from laughing*
Oh dear... Wizards of the Coast will be awfully dumb not to take you, this story is...er, ingenious? I'm not so sure this word exists ;-)
Well, you get the point, you rock!

Are you going to post any of your original novels on your website if they don't get published? I like all of the Fanfiction you've written so maybe you could give a preview or something of your novel for us to read?

Lol. Nice.
Hope you get your books published. Good luck! :)

Absolutely excellent I've been waiting for a long time on another of your work and even longer for someone to write a bank robbery in FR.
I tried that myself once but it could never come out as good as yours.
Good job.
And I do hope you get published your works would enrich the entire literature :D

Welcome back Dave... although i don't remember getting a message notifying me of this story... great work!! as usual you had me guessing till the very end... it was a work of brilliance... and this time you had no D&D rule holes... as far as i could tell... not your number one as you told me, but definitely a loyal fan - kamil