Reviews for Chrono War book 1: The Tournament Beyond the Stars

Reviews For: Chrono War book 1: The Tournament Beyond the Stars

Mild Guy 2006-02-27 ch 3,	abuseYour dialogue has improved, and this is no easy thing. I know how hard it is to write, believe me. No standout lines, but nothing that struck me as bad either. I got your note, and I apologize about my first review, where I nagged about including other characters. You write what you want, and one writes what inspires, that’s the way it should be. I wouldn’t like my fans ordering me around about the cast, so I won’t do the same to you. Again, sorry, just venting last time more than anything. The fight scenes continue to be quality, and the pacing feels right. The shorter chapter didn’t bother me, chapter lengths will change as the story requires. I also get a feeling that the characters will grow and their relationships will develop over time. Right now the good guys seem to have no problems being friends, and the villains have an Achilles Heel that has been spotted. Where it goes from here, I’m not sure, so things aren’t predictable right now, provided things don’t continue smoothly for the heroes. If you want more (better) feedback, you might also try to find some forums on other websites to post this story. There’s also forums here now, I recommend finding ones listed under General, since Crossover’s forums are stillborn. They have ones dedicated to plugging your story. This deserves a wider audience. It’s sad; I’ve kept my eye on this Crossovers section for a while now, and the number and quality of reviews has declined sharply. Don’t know why. But I hope you find some more readers out there.
Mild Guy 2005-08-22 ch 2,	abuseNormally I don’t review stories where the authors beg for reviews. It’s annoying. But since you’ve put far more effort into this than almost, I said almost, every writer in this section, I figure you might need the encouragement. It is nice to know that people are actually reading one’s story. While it is a bit early in the story, I can tell you’re trying to develop multiple characters, and you make a good effort to develop an atmosphere. The story doesn’t feel rushed, in most parts, and it’s refreshing to read something where the writer isn’t afraid to take his time getting the entire story out for once. The “revisioning” of certain characters like Mario, Bowser, and Aiai is very interesting to me, it will be fun to see how deep it goes. Summarizing certain events, like fights that aren’t important to the plot, is a nice way of getting through them and keeping the story’s pace in check. And what’s really nice is that you don’t summarize the important fights, you detail the fights blow by blow, cause and effect relationships very well. Good fight paragraph: “Quick Hit!” Tidus yelled, as he ran towards Ganondorf with magically enhanced speed. As Ganondorf struggled with the time spell, Tidus decided to try to finish it in one attack. Tidus prepared his Blitz Ace attack and reached Ganondorf just as he freed him self from the slow spell. Ganondorf was free but couldn’t straighten himself out completely in time for the attack. He just barely blocked the first three attacks but hit the fourth one at a bad angle. Ganondorf’s sword was sent flying and Ganondorf got the brunt of the remaining four attacks. I’m not going into depth about your style, but there are some things that throw me off. I notice you sometimes slip from the past tense into the present tense. Try to weed that out in revisions. When describing things, remember the other 4 (5?) senses. The dialogue is often stilted, and a little too expositional at times. I just wasn’t feeling the character interactions at all, save for Ganon’s speech. Cloud’s and Aeris’s quality time scene in chpt 2 seemed hokey to me, like low budget anime. Ganon’s the one character that comes across the best so far. You don’t seem very comfortable with action game characters, all we’ve seen so far are Square mainstream favorites and Nintendo heavyweights (except for Samus, who doesn’t get much hype here). Oh, and Sonic. Pretty bread and butter character selection so far, but then most of these characters aren’t my favorites. No fighting game characters have popped up either. Just my personal bias, is all. Maybe you’re saving the other 50 some characters for later, and I don’t blame you for not developing the 1st round losers. I enjoy cross-game-genre cross-overs, what can I say? I’m also not familiar with the games Siege or Vaan come from, so keep that in mind. And Kefka being anyone’s lackey seems really out of character, but I’ll wait and see how that plays out. In summary: keep writing. And remember, don’t take what I say seriously. It’s not like I’m a professional editor or something.
brokenangelus 2005-05-16 ch 1,	abuseheheh, Your refering to the chapter "Link Verses Ganondorf"? Well, Let's just say the for 2003 I didn't touch the brackets... there are some suprises there. However, For books 2 & 3 they will differ greatly from the 2004 and 2005 tournaments (I am assuming for 2005, and book 4 will not include a tournament)
SlimSim1 2005-05-15 ch 1,	abuseWell, I don't have anything meaningful to say, but since you want a review so badly ;) This is a very interesting take on the GameFAQs tournament. I assume this is 2003, right? If you do continue, it will be interesting to see how you handle the tournament. From the table of contents it looks like you won't be basing the plot entirely along with how the contest actually turned out. I'll check back every now and then. This is a promising fic.

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