Reviews for Feudal Karoke - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Feudal Karoke - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

The Amazing Casui-killer! 2006-03-26 ch 1, anon.	abuseDeanita, Well, you should know by now that I don't listen to (or in this case, read) rap. Hence, I will be unable to tell you how the song relates to the story, or throw tomatoes at you for applying the song to the wrong character. What? At least I am honest. Now, I must speak to you about your insistence of using the word 'monko' as a way to distinguish the section. That's what horizontal lines are for. They even have a little button for it. Use asterisks even, not a nonsense word that, although it is amusing the first time, grows wearisome through repeated use. Secondly, why the formatting? I found it a little off putting, and you're talking to a girl who would read those tiny books with size 0.5 font willingly. Besides, plain text is a lot easier to work with. Now for reviewing the actual story... "Kagome jumped through the well onto the flat, hard ground." Just so you know, ground is usually flat and hard. It is only described if it is anything other than flat and hard. "She looked into the old well, it was covered in mostly moss and the wood was wet." The comma should not be there. Either a semi-colon or a full stop will suffice. Not one of the worst errors I've seen, but it annoys the inner grammar freak in me. "The nails supporting it seemed that they’d fall off any day, they had rusted over about five times." It's implied here that the nails rusted over, was fixed, rusted over, was fixed, rusted over, was fixed...and so on and so forth. It might just be me. My grammar has been utterly ruined by fanfiction. At any rate, it doesn't need to be there. A simple, "The nails supporting it seemed that they would fall off any day now." would suffice. "'Inuyasha?' Kagome called into the well." Always put a comma before the person saying the quote. Shame on you, Casui, for forgetting that. And that's the last I'll say on that. You'll have to correct the rest of them yourself. "Miroku looked down 'Since our pervert couldn’t keep his hands off her she through us out.'" Threw us out, Casui, threw us out. "'Ugh! Can we please go inside now' Inuyasha said barely lifting the boom box and the food bag." I think one of the things that Inuyasha would never do, as befitting his membership to the Clueless Masochistic Jerks Society (TM), is admit that he feels tired, or in any way less than chipper, especially if he said that the bag was light before. It would require, in his mind, acknowledging defeat, and that is one thing he Would Never Do. "Inuyasha, coming behind her just dumped the food bag in the corner." This makes no sense. Rather, "Inuyasha, as he was coming behind her, just dumped the food bag in the corner. Much nicer. "'Me and Inuyasha thought that you guys would like to do a Karaoke!'" Et tu, Brute? It's "Inuyasha and I". The easiest way to check is just to drop the "and Inuyasha". "Me thought you guys would like to do a Karaoke" isn't correct. Maybe in Shakespeare's day. Not now. "'Since we can’t use the radio (since the satellite is 500 years in the future!) we’ll use these CD’S!'." AC and DC have not been invented in the Sengoku Jidai. Even if it was, it probably wouldn't have been in such a backwards village as they live in. So, the boom box wouldn't work anyway. But if it's necessary to your plot, go ahead and ignore these inconsistencies. Better author's than you have done it. J. K. Rowling, for instance. And find another word for ‘since’. Using one twice in a section is bad. "Sango shrugged and slapped Miroku again feeling a hand on her." The punctuation, or lack thereof, kills me. Yes, I'm just as comma-obsessed as I was in 3rd grade. I have no life. Anyway, there should be a comma after 'again'. "'So who wants to go first?' Kagome asked, no reply. " Though it pains me to say it, that comma should not be there. Try a full stop instead. "'Mickey Mouse had a house built out of glass. Donald Duck fed it up, Should Mickey kick his a (Kagome doesn’t curse, which is why there are stars)?'" Author notes should be inserted at the end of the piece. This one doesn't even need the note. Just put stars. Everyone who reads this knows all about Kagome, or at least has a rudimentary knowledge of her, and waay up in the list of her defining characteristics is a propensity towards proper-ness. Hence, no cursing. And what on earth is that rhyme about? How can you 'fed up' a glass house? "'Umm… Now, that that’s over who’d like to go next?'" No comma after 'now', and you should change 'who'd' to 'who would'. ~The Amazing Casui-killer aka RandomInsanity42
Anime's Girl 2006-02-23 ch 6,	abuseHey whats up? I looked at your profile wow! I'm finished with my Military Magic sorry it couldn't give you more magic then it should of but yeah. Here is my email adress. or but I recommed you email me at AnimeFaerie0629 alright. Well awsome story! You really have a talent for writing keep me posted!
Tsumera 2006-02-03 ch 9,	abuseOH wow this story is better than ANY song ficts I've seen! keep on going I have to see what happens!!
Pearl Drink 2006-01-31 ch 9,	abuseFinally you updated! But I also had some family stuff during Christmas and I couldn't update some of my stories so I don't blame you. So yeah I have to go back to my homework (I have to much) so: great chapter, update soon!
Krekoen ofthe demonic Nobod... 2005-09-09 ch 8,	abusePlease update soon this is a really good story!
xNiight of hate 2005-09-06 ch 8,	abuseNo offense, but you have everyone OOC...Kanna doesnt sneer, grin...she basically doesnt even INSULT. O_o; weird huh? Kikyo, uh...she wants to die along with Inuyasha, but hey. this is your story so yeah, whatever. ^_^ update soonie. ja ne
cRiMsOnEyEdFrEaK 2005-09-04 ch 8,	abuseHow could u! U bitch how could u kill kagome?! I hate u right now! Oh and the name of SaNGO'S weapon is Hiraikotsu! I cant wait for your update!
Pearl Drink 2005-09-02 ch 8,	abuseOh my gosh! Kikyou killed Kagome! She worked with Naraku! I knew Kikyou was evil! Which is why I hate her a lot... Still it's your next chapter you could do what ever you want. And I don't know how to spell Sango's weapon either, so I call it giant boomergang! Still, great chapter! You already know what I'm going to say last so I'm not going to write it becuase I'm to lazy!
Pearl Drink 2005-08-06 ch 7,	abuseGood Chapter! I did check out the fic, until I notice that I didn't know the people, then I saw in the summary that it was a crossover fic (I didn't read the summary) and yeah. But I liked the first part. Still, is Sesshomaru, Rin, and Jaken going to join them!? Please update!
cRiMsOnEyEdFrEaK 2005-08-05 ch 7,	abuse~scratches head and laughs nervously~ To tell you the truth I'm not a die-hard Yash and Kag fan, I'm just a sucker for those romance scenes ~sighs dreamily~ Oh! Heavenly?! She's my cousin! She was on my laptop and we wrote a review together! O yeah I'm back! Email me when you get a chance! Kick ass chapter!
AnimeChik22570 2005-07-23 ch 6,	abuseLOVE IT! Update sooner tho, check out my story!
Pearl Drink 2005-07-23 ch 6,	abuseGood chapter! I'll check out your story, when I haave time though. Update!
cRiMsOnEyEdFrEaK 2005-07-22 ch 6,	abuseHeavenly: WAI! Slayer: Jumps up from bed and looks at Heavenly What is it?! And why the hell are you on my laptop?! Heavenly: Did you just read the chapter it was so action filled and she even put a kissing scene between Yash and Kag. Slayer: pushes Heavenly out the chair and reads About 7 minutes later... Slayer: WoW! Heavenly? Heavenly: looks up from book What is it? Slayer:This was chapter was so... FUCKING AWESOME! Heavenly:
casui 2005-07-22 ch 6,	abuseI'm reviewing my own story...again? owellz -i had some spellin mistakes but o well. The chapter's ok, but i made them kiss 2 fast. -owell -Ja casui
ttinuhpfanforever 2005-07-06 ch 5,	abuseHm, what could Naraku want with Sango? xP Oh, cool! xD Harry Potter, Inuyasha, and Teen Titans rock! ;) H.I.D... Hello, I'm Death? xP I doubt that's it. But it's the first thing that came to mind. xD My vote goes to Inuyasha, anyways. Lol

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