|Reviews for Stars apart|
| Twilight The Umbreon 3/16/06 . chapter 2
Wow, nice start
| ThornBrain 2/26/06 . chapter 2
Engaging, but you need to work on your grammar. Try using periods instead of commas. Take this sentence from Chapter 1 for example:
-With a flash a rippling green gate has appeared, “gate Complete detecting no anomalies,” ROB spoke, Fox nods, “take the Great Fox to Warp Krystal,” the Blue Vixen nods, “roger,” slowly the Great Fox Engines fires, the ship slowly some movement then began to pick up speed.-
There's only one period and it's at the end. There's also a few missing punctuation marks and extra words. Try making it something closer to this:
-With a flash, a rippling green gate appeared. “Gate complete. Detecting no anomalies,” ROB spoke. Fox nods, “take the Great Fox to Warp, Krystal.” The Blue Vixen nods, “roger.” Slowly the Great Fox engines fire, the ship slowly moving, than beginning to pick up speed.-
I'm not trying to be picky, (even though that's how I'm coming across). You have a knack for compelling writing, there's no doubt about that. Fix it up a little and who knows.
Keep up the good work!
| Dude 8/13/05 . chapter 1
Other then the grammer, this is really, really cool!
POST POST POST!
| Guest 7/8/05 . chapter 1
One of the better Starfox fic openings I've read in a long while. Looks promising. Keep posting!
| Xeno 5/22/05 . chapter 1
Please please PLEASE UPDATE!
| dead on the inside 5/11/05 . chapter 1
not to be a piss but man you need to check your spelling cause it really annoys me like when you said "rob tap away" tap is spelled type just so you sould know.
| Chiise 5/11/05 . chapter 1
Its pretty good, the only problem is some grammar mistakes.