   Valdhery
2009-07-04 . chapter 1Hiya !
Well, I read your story, and then I took a quick look at the reviews. It was rather interesting to see how much controversy there seems to be about the whole 'fic. Some like Ainsley, and some hate him, and some don't like Jean/Harry...
I notice that some people accused Ainsley of cheating because he did not actually brew the antidote. I beg to differ. The rules never stated that Ainsley *had* to brew the antidote. The idea of the tournament - in my opinion - is for the champions to face the tasks with all of their wits and ressources, as though it were a real life situation. Had Ainsley actually been poisoned, it would have been a perfectly acceptable solution for him to use a bezoar. Therefore, I don't see why it should be a problem that he did it in the tournament. After all, the other champions could have done the same - if they had thought about it.
Not that I really like Ainsley - he is a bit of a brat, isn't he ? But he's realistic and well done as a character.
As for the tasks, personally I liked the first one better. I thought it made sense - how to react when you're poisoned, a perfectly possible occurence. I wasn't so convinced by the second one, because it looked like a remake of the canon one, to be honest. Find a way to survive without oxygen, save people you like... yes, it is pretty much the same. Besides that, I believe someone already mentioned the scientific faults in that one. That being said, I very much liked Ainsley's attempt and failure. Very realistic, and rather funny.
Draco's character is interesting, in the sense that you did not make him all good or bad. He still has many of the canon faults - logical, since contrary to Harry he was not raised in a different environment - but at the same time, I like his viewpoint. Except perhaps the way he thinks of his father ; I doubt any seventeen-year old can be so detached. I'd expect Draco to still love his father, even if he does not idealize him any more.
What more... well, I have dual feelings on the Führer. I know you said it is just a name, but as we all know names do have power, and that one was perhaps not really adapted. Nevertheless, I liked some of the quirks of his personality. The way he has to repeat the first part of the sentence, for instance. He's quite the shadowy character, nay ?
I thought Fresco and Minh's presence did not have much of a point, so far. They don't seem to actually do much. Yes, they watch (and they got caught most ineptly, too). I'm assuming they would have had an important role later in the story, but as it is you gave them, imho, too much space for too little actual importance and impact on the story. I don't mind that Dumbledore let them leave, however - it's not like he can keep them and torture them until they answer his questions, and they did not really do much in the way of an offence.
There were perhaps just a little too many OCs. I don't mind OCs, but it does get confusing when there are too many characters milling around. I think - but that's only a personal thought - that it may have been better if you'd spent less time on minor OCs (Minh and Fresco, the other French kids, Ainsley's friends) and a little more time on the canon characters - if only to give us a few familiar faces.
You did Snape rather well, however. I certainly liked his presenting James the bill for his destroyed closet. So in-character.
Well, I think that's all. Despite its flaws, the story certainly has potential. |
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