This. Was. So. Cute.

Your writing style is incredible. Seriously, at the first chapter, I sat and stared in awe of some of it, wishing I could write as you do. It's amazing. And your idea is fantastic, I've never seen a plot like this. The way you write Rabadash and Susan's relationship almost makes me like the two of them as a couple--a near impossible feat--but that was how it was supposed to be at the beginning. Your descriptions are incredible, and I loved all your '40's slang and references. You obviously did your research, and I respect that.

It's obviously been four years since you updated, and I doubt you ever will again, but I hope you get this review and you've moved on to bigger and better things than fanfiction. You can, I know. You have amazing talent.

HAHAHA "hooch". That made me laugh. I like this story. I like her comparing them to celebrities...that's funny.

please update soon!i love your fic!:)

This isn't a review just of chapter 1. It's a review of the story as a whole (assuming the three existing chapters comprise the whole.)
I loved it.
It was great.
You have a talent for making misunderstood/unloved characters blossom. Who knew that Rabadash was breathtakingly sexy? I didn't. [Of course, I didn't realize Captain VonTrapp (Christopher Plummer) was sexy until I was about 25 years old.] I'm smitten with the idea of Rabadash as a virile, competent, sultry Arab. I always throught he was an oily, cruel, narcissistic enemy of Narnia. You have created a believable, even understandable, character out of a stereotype.
Susan, of course, was magnificent. Her greatest weakness, her attachment to England, turns out to be her greatest strength.
I'm thinking now of Lucy's judgment (where: either Magician's house in Dawn Treader or in Last Battle) that Susan acts older than she is through her youth, then tries to maintain that youth when she's older. Well, of course a girl who was ripped from the prime of her youth into a fantasy la-la land would forever be attached to that era of her life that she feels she missed. Common regressive behaviour of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome! She was hurled through her youth into adulthood, then forced to relive that youth with a woman's knowledge: ouch!
I really identified with your description of Susan's grasping for memory. I know that sensation; when you're grasping in your memory for a dream that was so important, yet won't return to conscious memory. Augh, I could feel it for her, that need to concentrate fully, but not look directly because then it will disappear. You wrote that sensation beautifully.
Your use of language was CS Lewis-perfect. The prose that drips with renaissance elegance mingled with upright victorian propriety. Then, bam!, modern slang slaps your mind right when you're lulled into the lace and velvet past. And, yes, hooch is an historically accurate term (I refer to singers Ella Fitzgerald and Cab Calloway) for booze.
I loved being bumped around between times, places, and emotions. Like I said, Rabadash is hot! I'd get a little blush of lust reading about him. Then, back to a wholesome childhood fairy tale atmosphere with the CS Lewis-y Narnian sons of Adam and daughters of Eve. I'd feel happy and eight-years-old all over again. Then, you'd jet us to pre-war London filled with that sweet childhood crush of Susan and the Hindi shopboy. My feelings would shift again to adulthood nostalgia for simple crushes on bygone boys.
Thank you for writing the unwritten stories from between the pages of published books. Thank you for making your private thoughts about characters tangible to me (and others who read these stories.) You're a gem.
Auxarcian

update son!

I really like this idea, and the story is very well written - I particularly like the way you've thought about the kind of things and pop-culture names that Susan would be familiar with living in the 1940s.

As I say, I like the idea of exploring the interaction between the four siblings' two different lives, and the loss of memory they've apparently suffered by the time they get yanked back to England. It's interesting to speculate on what it might be like to be a child again but remember having been an adult. Also, since Susan seems to be the only one having this relapse, does this story foreshadow her eventual 'rejection' of Narnia?

Update soon, this is great! If you're reading narina you have to take it seriously, but you've hit the nail on the head with this. I loved the pebble in her shoe image and her remembering everything. It's also a great set up for her forgetting about it asap when they get home - I always wondered what it was like to completely forget your childhood.

I assume you got that 'sitting in a darkened room while pictures moved across the screen' image from Plato?

One thing - it wouldn't have been Hooch. That didn't exist in the '40s. Still, the sentiment is all true!

Jellyman

Excellent story, with a lovely twist =) It's nice to see that someone else thought that the grown-up Pevensies at the end of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe acted nothing like the kids we had learned to know.

And I like your characterization of Rabadash - it's easy to see why Susan is fascinated by him, and yet he's within the boundaries of canon.

Please continue?

This was so beautifully done! I was both pleased and surprised to see the last two chapters. Are you planning to continue? Either way your discrpitions of Rabadash were breathtaking. Good job

amazing, as usual. I love this chapter, it's like susan is stuck in a renfaire gone horribly wrong. Nice memories of her parents too. Keep going!
Btw, ty for the sarcastic reference to the clothing, I HATE fake medieval gear, which is what Narnia reeks of :P

Unfair to poor Susan, but I had to laugh reading this. The pseudo-midle-age language is done wonderfully. And I really admire you, you must have put loads of research into literature and the rest of the cultural background of the time -I really have to look up some of the names you mention. Hooch indeed! Poor CSL, how he'd be embarrassed at you mentioning Mr.T's "private parts"! There's one thing I wonder at, though - there aren't any flames yet...

Bloody hell, what a revelation. That would mess anyone up, to have such a gap between their twelve-year-old "real" selves and this fairytale person.

Your description of Rabadash is teh hot. Also, I love the way you begin, it's very rich and sparks the imagination. And you also capture Susan's dreamy state perfectly.

I like this a lot. I like your film star references, it makes sense for Susan to be into movies and glamourous things like that.

I hadn't thought about this aspect of the Narnia story until you put it to me, and it's always nice to read original ideas. :)

OMG dont you hate that feeling of knowing you need to remember something major but can't? Excellent build up on this chapter, I can't wait for the next one. And if I were Susan, I would have ran off to Earth too. Better to live in a world with crime, and adulthood and real CHOICE than to live forever in a perfect dreamland lie full of false security and permanent unchanging childhood.