Reviews for Bonding Ties Between Reality and Nonreality

Reviews For: Bonding Ties Between Reality and Nonreality - Reviews: Page 1 of 11

David 2008-06-19 ch 19, anon.	abuseDude, you really need to finish this story, i just spent almost 3 hours of my night reading this and am in suspense as to what happens to Mia, and the mystery surrounding the Djinn. Please email me with a reply but PLEASE finish this off. David P.S. KICK ** STORY MATE!
Willow in the rain 2008-01-02 ch 19,	abuseEwo ! Finally found time to read this chapter even tho the reminder had been sitting in my inbox for the past few days ;) Better late than never right ? Since you and I both know that your chapters are usually with excellent vocab and grammar , I'll just comment on the plot and minor mistakes in the chapter ^^ . Please excuse the choppiness ~'Yeah, what with ... ' Is there supposed to be a what there ? It seems like improper eng. For that sentence there were too many 'then's. 'Finally showing their fangs' ? That sounds a lot like vampires but the description is quite true ;) Bloodsuckers . ~' odd, what with all those phosphorescent ' Another 'what with '... Maybe it's correct I'm not that sure but to me it seems wrong somehow. ~'Why did not the earring disappear?' Why did the earring not disappear ? And owchies ... Thank goodness it's a clip-on or else her flesh would've been torn. ~'a small ball of deep, scorching fire forming ' How can you see a deep , scorching fire ? For this context a yellowish red fire ball can do right ? ~her stepfamily and their kind joked rarely. rarely joked . Or is it supposed to be inverted . ~chances would not have been so bleak. would not had ... ~Don’t bother faking your innocent face. Don't bother faking an innocent face. If it is a 'don't bother faking your innocent face' it would've meant that Mia's face is already innocent . ~hundreds and thousands of vibrant circles Circles ? not spheres ? cause circles is two dimensional . ~ Garet began to smell a rat . Isn't it Garer smelt a rat ? It's supposed to be past tense . What's up with all the smelling ? First it was fear and now a rat . ~Zephyr, Whorl, Corona, Cannon, Spark, Reflux, Shine and Flower That's a lot of Djinns . If we had one voice in our head we would be labelled crazy but she has eight . Must be hard when all of them have different point of views. ~ Oh guinea pigs ;) I feel for them. ~ Slap! It made a shrill sound in the enclosed room. Slap! A shrill sound echoed in the enclosed room . ~being my first . . . patient Scary ... Wait a sec .. How come he has a row of pearly whites ? ;( it means he is a good boy and brushes his teeth ( accordin to his mommy {hah mommy's boy}) or he's vain . I prefer the former ;P ~ Now it's fine to use the '...' but Saturos has over used the '...' . ~was well known for her infamous temper. Infamous also means well known too but just with a negative to it . ~so I figured to leave a note so I figured I'd leave ... ~ Okay- so Jenna has nine and Garret has four voices in their heads . ~She would most likely choke him to death if she figured his thoughts now. repitition of figured in the 'ligkuan ' (what's the english word for that ? My brain doesn't have enough oxygen now I feel sleepy too ) of 200 words . ~There’s always tomorrow. A tomorrow to find answers. To make things right. To find Mia too . . . He contented himself with those thoughts before letting sleep overcome his consciousness finally. It think it would've been more dramatic if the 'to find mia too ' 'diselit' into the final sentence . All in all it's maybe not your best . Or maybe it's cause I love interaction between Issac and Mia but this chapter is totally devoid of the pairing. Then again you did bring Jenna and Garret together for a minute or two. :) I'm sleepy so I'll sign off right now . I hope I didn't said anything offensive and but if you did find anything offensive, you can steal my cookie ;P . or chocolate or you can pat my head like you love to do ;your choice
crimsonfire3 2007-12-29 ch 19,	abusesniff When will Isaac regained his consciousness? sniff Woah~ the earring didn't disappear! I think that's the thing that will be looking for instead the shoes!! ;p I hope Mia will be alright!! 'Isaac, dear, wake up!'
FireyFlames 2007-12-15 ch 19,	abuseLike always, I'm pulled into each and every chapter of yours. Thanks for updating and I love how you're extending the basic "cinderella" storyline..^^
Jeikobu Kyoudai-teiru 2007-12-13 ch 2,	abuseDjinn (Jin) is singular, Djinni (Jini) is Plural
adrian 2007-12-13 ch 19, anon.	abuseYay! New chappie!
SandyCaesar 2007-12-13 ch 19,	abuseNice work on the story, Raitei. Perfect mix of light humor, endearing plot, and well-portrayed characters. Once again, you've written a brilliant chapter--and you do have a way of keeping readers hanging. Great job, and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chappie.
Rukia156 2007-12-13 ch 19,	abuseEk! Can't wait to read the next chapter! Yaay you made me happy with this one :3 I hope you update really really really son!! Great job :3 See you soon
Daidairo 2007-12-12 ch 19, anon.	abuseI make that 9 chapters or so only detailing one night. Slight errors including spelling and tenses, but I'll put them on MSN when you return. Oh wait, when you return, I'll be away, so... when we're both back! I can see you're trying to put a whole lot of mystery into the whole thing, which does make for a 'what?? WHAAT? What's gonna happen??' thing, but sometimes you try too hard to leave out the 'important bits'. For example, the 'bringing her there' bit, Saturos and Menardi no doubt know exactly what they're talking about (and so do I ohohoho) but at that moment, no one is there but Mia. Even if they wanted a 'surprise' for Mia, their words wouldn't be so guarded to the point where it seems unnatural and overly emphasized. Other than that, all I can say is that you spent one chapter, 50+ words talking about every single one involved, and FINALLY ended the night, when it should have been ended in the previous chapter. XD Merry Christmas when you read this, and I'll see if I can't have a Mediator chapter up for you too! Daidairo
GoldenTalesGeek 2007-12-12 ch 19,	abuseVery suspenseful. That's all I can think of to say, because this chapter left me a little speechless. Trust me, I mean that positively. It's seriously going to get better from here, I can tell. Well, good luck with the next chapter, and keep up the good work! ~ GoldenTalesGeek
what ever 2007-11-30 ch 2, anon.	abuseWhats up with the cinderella thing
crimsonfire3 2007-11-21 ch 18,	abuseYay! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! Isaac remembred Mia! ^_^ Go for it Jenna and Garet! Go kick their butt!! I love this chapter! Very amazing, superb, elegant, grand, great! I'll wait patiently to your update! ^^ ~crimsonfire3
SandyCaesar 2007-11-17 ch 18,	abuseVery nice, Raitei. Your prose is excellent, and you manage to keep the tension razor-sharp throughout the chapter. I'll look forward to your next chapter.
adrian 2007-11-16 ch 18, anon.	abusePLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! CONTINUE! ITS GETTING TO BEST PART! I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH!
Kd7sov 2007-11-16 ch 18,	abuseMirfl! I notice a lot of the dialog seems stilted, although Alex appears to be largely immune. The conversation between the Jupiter Adepts, especially. All through the middle part of the chapter I was trying to remember whether Salt or Tonic had shown up yet - they being the "remove status effects" Djinn. It seemed to me that unleashing either of them would have been a better solution than shouting "No!", and probably more effective. All-in-all, well paced, but the stilted dialog didn't help.

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