Reviews for Struggles of a Vampire

Reviews For: Struggles of a Vampire

Aria Naerwyn 2007-04-16 ch 1,	abuseWow... Just... Wow!! That. Is. HOT!! I don't know any other way to describe it! Is there going to be more?? Wink wink Nudge Nudge Love'n'Hugs
MysteryVampWolfPhantomlover 2005-12-25 ch 1, anon.	abuseoh, my god i just love you. I love thee phantom and you put him as a vampire which i also love. Hope you write more can't wait to read more of what you write, Merry Christmas and happy new year.
kkk781 2005-10-14 ch 1,	abuseThat was fantastic. The emotion you put into Erik has he struggles against himself and against Christine's love is fantastic and it suits the story completely. Well done!
whispering-voices 2005-08-27 ch 1,	abusewow, really good storyline and well written!
I am the Angel of Music 2005-08-16 ch 1,	abuseThat...was...AWESOME! i think it should be called "wings of an angel", but that may just be me...
Carkeys 2005-06-07 ch 1, anon.	abuseI like the story so far plz update soon! :)
bobmcbobbob1 2005-06-06 ch 1,	abuseWell, I'm going to do this as I go, I mean if you really, /really/ want me to critique it, per say. No, she was an angel of the light as I a devil of the dark; she was not mine unless I chose to take her and make her mine. ◄ kind of awkward. I know what you mean and I make awkward statements all the time when I write but maybe you could clean it up a bit. Yay! Someone else who knows how to use semicolons properly! It's my favorite piece of punctuation. ...lacy fabrics /that hardly covered a thing/ ◄ kind of awkward thought but with her so near my very breath came in harsh gulps.◄ maybe a couple commas to clerify. by rule, I think you need one before the "but"; it's a complete thought after the conjunction. She would swarm high above the clouds ◄ "swarm?" swarm as in a how a bunch of insects flutter about in random directions in a giant huddled mass? maybe a different word choice. soar, maybe? She would walk on the very clouds that were most likely above the ceiling of my lair while I am forced to live beneath the Earth’s surface, feeding off of little mice and the likes. ◄ couple of things. first off, yeah, I'd say that the clouds would definitely be above his lair...unless it's a foggy day then maybe. Perhaps a bit of tweaking there? "she would walk on the very clouds that gracefully fluttered hopelessly out of reach" or something like that. Now second thing: I think you need to change the tense of "I am" to correspond with "she would" No; I could never condemn her to a life with me. ◄ don't think a semicolon is as great here. maybe a comma or if you really want to add emphasis, make it a period. She would shin like no other woman...◄ shine, perhaps? I really like that paragraph, that description (the one the last two were in); excellently done. But I could never touch that innocent heart of hers; I won’t!◄ again, I think a good ol' fashioned period would add more emphasis here. She called again, her voice that sweet tone as if honey were being poured over a warm biscuit. ◄ o, nice simile. should it be her voice /in/ that tone? I closed my eyes, feeling the icy touch of pain grip my heart; I felt its fingers wrap so tightly and squeeze. ◄ o creepy. nice description I felt taken aback at that point and stared at her◄ I don't know how to explain this one "Taken aback, I stared at her curiously" or something. it just struck me strange for some reason... I breathed heavily...Ah God, how I could already taste her blood on my lips! ◄ just to say that paragraph was cool! I no longer cared if that count of a lover she had◄ again, I know what you mean but it's still sort of awkward. also, again, may want to use a period before this statement for emphasis; again, totally pleased that someone knows how to use semicolons just don't go overboard, especially when you could add more power. You're using a rhetorical device known as Anaphora; go you! (sorry, AP Eng kinda sunk in last semester and it's stuck)[Anaphora is when you start several clauses with the same or simlar words for emphasis. it makes it more memorable and effective] O... I like that analogy, ripping away the wings of an angel. OVERALL: whew! sorry about all that, but once I get going, I'm usually relatively thorough. Those were the things that stuck out to me. Don't get the wrong idea or anything. I really liked your piece otherwise I wouldn't have taken the time to go through it with a more critical eye than normal and all that. ;) Really though, nice work! Love the conflict and enjoyed your description. Good luck with it. :) -bobmcbobbob1 (I'll look over others if you'd like me to, or did I scare you off? smirk I'm one of the few nerds of the world that actually kind of like to edit, especially if it's worth reading and cleaning up. Just fire me off an email)
Phanatic 2005-06-02 ch 1,	abuseAh man, you made me thirsty! and i just finished a ...drink. Please continue! (licks lips and teeth, which are naturally pointy) please, do continue...
Broadwaybrunett 2005-06-01 ch 1,	abuseWhoa...This is incredible!
DarkSarcasm 2005-05-29 ch 1,	abuseo. it was all very sexy and passionate. the repition of "ah God" by Erik i really liked. And was this kinda like a redemption cross-over thingy? if it was then i really cant wait to read redemption if i can ever find that book.
psychobunny410 2005-05-29 ch 1,	abuseIt's different from how the PotO is like seeing as you did make him into a vampire. I liked it even though it was new to me.

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