all i can say is awesome

Nice story and ending though the undergarment moment was...odd

ok you used lots of big words that naruto grown up wouldn't understand and they didnt do much thinking

naruto would've been embarrassed or at least done something different before and after the kiss

they just didnt sound like themselves

it was an awkward read

but i couldn't stop so i guess you just have to edit a little and it would make for a great fanfic

That was a good story you have a talent for writing Naruto and Sakura love stories I hope you continue to write more of these awesome stories.

Please write more of this good story.

that was...FREAKING AWSOME...i loved it...

Umm, well, let's get the ugly stuff out of the way first.

I'm unimpressed. Your usage of language, while certainly proving that you don't belong with the crowds of eleven year olds writing sasunaru, does throw a huge wrench into reading.

One, Naruto doesn't seem the type to speak that way. I doubt ninja academy had a huge focus on vocabulary, and Kakashi/Jiraiya don't seem the type to teach that either. So it stands to reason that his parents would most likely have had the responsibility to teach him proper speaking, and since he was an orphan, you can guess he probably missed those particular lessons.

Two, When's the last time you've ever heard twelve-fifteen year olds use language like that? I certainly never have. Fanfiction isn't the SATs, and readers shouldn't have to sift through paragraph upon paragraph of every character sounding like the exact same person trying to imitate a politician. If we honestly loved that, there'd be a lot more fanfiction out there about nothing but the inner dealings of the Hyuuga clan.

Three, Naruto's a nice guy. And to the point. A very direct person wouldn't go out of their way to try and sound witty, as "Sakura, by the sound of your stomach, I’m guessing you haven’t ate much today, have you?" certainly attempts to accomplish. Maybe something more like "Sakura, are you hungry?" Simple, direct, and yet still perfectly usable. Nobody's gonna look down on you just because you stick with basic stuff every now and then.

Four, “Naruto, I went over the choices you gave me and I decided that going to your house may be the best option right now." Sakura doesn't seem like the type to accept a choice from Naruto, she'd tell him what to do, and he'd agree, because that's how their relationship works. so mose likely something like "Let's go to your house." would work just fine. Come to think of it, most normal people probably wouldn't use such long-winded and formal speech to their friends in real life. And Sakura's one of the most normal characters in the series.

Aside from the blatantly OOC language usage, it was an okay story. Try using a slightly more original plotline and 'dumb down' your language a bit, and see what you can come up with. We'll be looking forward to it.

hey! you are trying out one shot fanfics? so many! haha. it's nice. have yet to read the rest, will read aft my exams! oh yes, thanks for the previous help that you gave me. ) if possible, when i continue agn would you like to help?

all the best in your other fan fics!

you said this is ur first narusaku? well, i have an question about it...how old are naruto and sakura in this storie? i think their at least chounins, becuse naruto is way more gentle now, than how he were at the age 12.

please write more

Damn that was fluffy...Ver y cute tho. Good job.

Excellent story.

Good luck & best wishes,

Hououza

Certainly a sweet story but the dialogue was out of character and just too verbose in most parts. It seemed more like a writing for a class where one is forced to use certain vocabulary within the piece. It's very difficult writing a story in first person while still trying to convey the emotions secondary characters so I give you kudos for the attempt and encourage you to keep writing. The idea of the story was intriguing enough to get me here and I read to the end so it's still pretty good.

Now that was such a wonderful fluff-filled fic, I loved it and will defintely fav it.

Naruto, though a bit more mature but still in character, sounded so caring and loving to Sakura, and Sakura herself sounded perfect and I'm glad she found love with Naruto.

Defintely continue to write Naru/Saku fics, you have great talent. _

aw naruto is so sweet to sakura! sheesh, this is a one-shot. and its awesome too! i wish it went on for at least a few chappies. anyway, nice story. you shudda won. and saki shudda won too. x/ anyway update your other stories