I can hardly read it because it's all in one paragraph. Seperate it everytime someone talks!

wow! nice story! i could so see this being an episode. your really good at making it seem episode-ish. good job!

-kellywelly

can u please try to like separate the sentence4s into paragraphs? otherwise i like it!

good story so far..update

this srtory is funy so far keep up that good work luv it!cant wait till the next one!

I like this story, great plot. Update soon!

if you indent it could help.

when using dialog you should press return after eachthing a character says just to make it less confusing

good start though

keep it up