Personally, the first chapter was good. Some reviewers just don't see past the haze of noob-ness. Yes, this story gives the impression of a noobie author _ I agree that this is a good plot

The 2nd ch is...well, not so great. Again, this is me personally. ;p

good luck, more detail, proof-reading and a little touch of in-the-lines writing.

Okay, frankly, this story just sucks okay?

Your plot is okay but the writing is just bad. Leo was working when the guards grabbed him...What the fuck is that?

Try to get some details and descriptions will ya?