What? That's it?!
I want more dammit!

and then fluffy-sama realizes in that instant that he has a sword that can bring back the DEAD! *twitch* but, this is fluffy, a guy who has a healing sword and doesnt use it the heal is arm!

w00t Gundam wing! ^_^ you get in my favs just for that

good

wowwowowoowowowwowow! so flipn col! do you know how happy you made me and how hyper i am?well im officialy happy beyond all belief and super duper happy!this was the best story ive read all ** day!this has made me one happy teen!oh and that part with the ramen and sesshomaru eating it and how rin practicly MADE him eat it even though he desperetly wanted to and how it torchered him to sit there for hours smelling it!hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
i feel sorry for sesshomaru... hes so nice!and now he has to admit that she is his friend!hahahahahaahha!
*thinking*sesshomaru is so hot!

I LOVED YOU'R STORY ANDTHAT I HOPE THAT YOU WILL WRITE SAME MORE GOOD STORY'S FOR US TO READ. AND FOR THE ONE'S THAT DON'T LIKE THIS STORY THIN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A GOOD STORY IS.

I don't think you've gone overboard with the personification at all; rather, I think that particular part with the tree was quite a wonderful bit of intellect. I'd never seen anything like it! For a second, though, I thought you were talking about Goshinboku, because Goshinboku is a tree that has "transcended time" and lived for over 500 years...I thought that the purpose of the tree would be a greater one, not just to hide Sesshoumaru. Nevertheless, I quite enjoyed it. Keep up the great work!

-Sephirona

I enjoy Inuyasha's triumphant entrance and his quick assessment of the situation. I like the way that I am a little worried about Kenichi really because you've made him a rather interesting character.

Why wouldn't Sesshoumaru kill Kenichi? It would be the clever thing to do since it is one less ally of Naraku's to worry about.

I love the way Sesshoumaru lets Kagome go and uses as his excuse the fact that she is too annoying to keep as a hostage.

This was an excellent story and really one of the first Inuyasha stories I have ever read. Good work and I hope you keep writing.

Nitpicking:
Omit all of this that follows:
"At that moment, an extremely lucky and astounding event happened. Just as Kenichi's claws were coming towards Kagome, this event happened. It was completely bewildering to all involved, and that was really saying a lot. This was an extraordinary example of theoddest luck ever known to anyone. Seriously. In fact, it was so amazing that even the most amazing person ever would've been amazed. That's how amazingly amazing it was.

Unfortunately, this event didn't happen anywhere near Kagome nor any of her friends.

It was actually in a far off place. In fact, it was on a completely different planet in a completely different galaxy in a completely different part of the universe. The event was this:

Someone who'd lost a bag in an airplane terminal on Earth found it again on this odd planet.

Er... This authoress has been reading a bit too much Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy lately... Pay no attention to any of that, folks!

Seriously, though, something else that was just as major, perhaps even more so, happened at that moment. This time, it happened right in that clearing where Kagome was. It was so amazing that - Okay, okay, no more stalling!"

Really, all of that needs to go. I am sorry to be so harsh, but it is confusing and bewildering and it takes a lot of suspense away from the climaz of your story, which you really want to impact the reader without extra stuff that distracts them.

"The sudden appearance of such a large cat and its four riders shocked everyone, especiallyKenichi, causing him to pause what he was doing." Just a typo, a space is needed after "especially."

"Either way, Kenichi was going to die; the only question was, by who?" I think this would sound better: " . . . the only question was, at whose hands?"

"At that moment, something else happened. I won't go into all the amazingly amazing stuff again, but I will say that it was both good and bad in odd sorts of ways. Actually, this particular event was rather bad... Did any good even come out of it? I guess that in an odd sort of way it did... How about I just tell you what happened and you can figure it all out for yourselves?

What happened was this: Naraku attacked Inuyasha."

Omit everything except: "At that moment" and "Naraku attacked Inuyasha."

"Now, by all accounts, Naraku would have died after this. We know that this cannot possibly be true, however, seeing as how Naraku's the main villain, blah blah blah. Somehow, maybe because of his super-villain insurance, he survived. Or, at least, his head survived." Find some way of omitting the part where you describe how Naraku is a villain and cannot die. It is true and a silly fact about villains, but it would be better to discuss this in a humorous little essay rather than in a story that you want your readers to take fairly seriously.

""Naraku escaped," he explained in that hot and sexy -- er... cold, calm voice of his." I think you might be able to guess which parts of this I would tell you to change. :)

Omit this: "(There is a pouch on Ah-Un's saddle, right...? Let's just pretend there is!)"

All of this *is* obvious: "After all, if someone answered that he wanted to go after Naraku, then Kagome could ask again why he saved her instead of going after Naraku at that moment. She could then go on to say that Sesshoumaru would've rathered killed Naraku than obtained Tetsusaiga anyday. It was just natural knowledge." I would omit it.

I think that the last line is actually okay to leave in, but instead of this: "Who am I kidding?" why not write "who was he kidding" as if even Sesshoumaru is finally admitting the friendship to himself.

I like the way Inuyasha is so given to understatements in his thoughts. He just finds it annoyig when so many large misfortunes come his way.

It also amuses me that Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha think more alike than they would probably enjoy admitting. Cause Sesshoumaru feels that Inuyasha is an annoyance too.

I love how Naraku has the same idea as Sesshoumaru.

I think that Kenichi is just a little too kind for a demon. I know he wouldn't disobey his master, but it seems to me that most of the wild and crazy demons are just that - fairly wild and crazy. I could be wrong though, but I would expect him to seem a little more threatening.

I like the clever way in which Kagome tries to get the demon thinking about revolting against his master.

I like the way that Sesshoumaru rejects the thought that he could have friend and calls Kagome a well known acquaintance. I think that's very cute.

I really love the way the heroes interact, as usual. I love how Miroku gets slapped and Shippou is anxious about Kagome, so much so that he is polite to Inuyasha. I love Inuyasha's self-doubt about his ability to keep Kagome safe. All of these things are quite lovely.

I like that Inuyasha is grudgingly clever enough to follow Sesshoumaru's trail.

I love the arrogant exchanges of threats and words that Sehssoumaru and Naraku share.

I like that Kenichi is such a talkative demon. I could wish for you to make him a little less human though. For example, perhaps he could chat with Kagome about how he loves to eat humans or something.

I like Sesshoumaru's bluff. It seems like a clever plan.

I love the way you end this chapter with the fact that Sesshoumaru so rarely feels fear and the way you build up to explaining what emotion it is that he despises above all.

Nitpicking:
"Miroku was riding now also; he'd gotten tired, Inuyasha wanted to hurry, and Kirara suddenly found that she could actually carry 4 peoplebut only if Shippou was one of them. That was just something that this authoress overlooked so Miroku would suffer for a while." There needs to be a space between "people" and "but." Also, I would really leave this sort of statement out. It makes it appear that you made a mistake earlier in the story and were just too lazy to fix it. That isn't the impression you want to give your readers. Especially since you did actually noticethat this contradicts something you said earlier. Why not just fix it instead?

Omit this: ". . . many of which aren't suitable for this story." You haven't included the curses so it's quite apparent that you felt them inappropriate.

"Sesshoumaru asked cooly, calmly, collectively." The word you are looking for is "collectedly." "Collectively" would imply that there was more than one Sesshoumaru speaking at the same time.

"Then she asked one final question in a fearful." You should add "voice" or something like that to the end of this sentence.

Again, I think this sort of thing: "Don't ask me how he figured it out; he's just good like that! Besides, I'm only a simple authoress who is in control of the story! Wait a minute... That means I would know... Okay, I'm just too lazy to think of something." is a big mistake. If you are lazy why should we bother to read and review your story? We can just be lazy too, right? If Sesshoumaru figures this thing out and you don't know why just leave the statement as it is and the reader will either thinkof a reason, or decide that it is due to Shesshoumaru's powers. It is good that you tihnk about objections that your readers might have. It shows that you are a good author, who thinks hard about what she is writing. Just don't let your thought processes show like this.

"Those these were his thoughts, he didn't really feel that way." Omit "these" and add "but" before "he didn't."

"Doesn't it just kind of roll off the toungue?

Okay, okay; this authoress will stop stalling and get on with the story.

Especially since something interesting is happening." Again, omit this. As you have noted, it does interrupt the interesting things that are happening and bores the reader. If you would like to make such comments save them for when you are discussing the story with reviewers or friends.

"Others like to call it the most horrible place in the world. Now, I don't know about you, but I just call it Naraku's castle. It saves having to explain to anyone without half a brain cell what you mean." I would omit this too, or at least cut out most of it. Mentioning that some would call the place pure evil is fine, but then just say something like "It was Naraku's castle."

"A poofy cloud of smoke that was presumably poison miasma marked Naraku entrance." I would change this to "the entrance."

"For once, he wasn't clad in babboon skin, and was instead in his normal lord robes." I would say "lordly robes."

Omit this: "He once more envoked the use of the "d" word which I tire of writing."

"He turned his head nad looked over his shoulder at a brown speck that was slowly getting larger and turning intoa two-headed dragon with two passengers." A typo: "and," also, "intoa" needs a space added.

"A few times, Kenichi asked Kagoem a question, such as did she have any siblings." Typo: "Kagome."

I love the way Kagome feels like the whole world is holding its breath for her escape. It amuses me that she feels that self-important. :)

I enjoy the way you describe Inuyasha's thoughts on being forced to relax and heal somewhat and how it makes him feel helpless and angry.

I like the way that when Kagome flees the river she has warring impulses to both run and wait to see what it is that spies on her.

I think it's interesting that Sesshoumaru considers Kagome his friend now. I think that he should put up more resistance to this thought though and not know why he feels so uneasy about Kagome's capture. Perhaps the best place to reveal his feelings about her would be when he comes upon her in Naraku's clutches and is forced to commit some kind of self-sacrificing act to save her.

Still, the return to Kagome's dream is quite well done.

Nitpicking:
omelettes is spelled incorrectly. I would also get rid of the information in brackets about Kagome's bag.

"(yeah... I forgot to put that in chapter 10... my bad...)." If this is true it would be better to mention it in the earlier chapter than tell the reader here.

Again, I think you should omit the sort of "author's notes" here: "I'm beginning to loath being treated like a helpless child! Inuyasha thought angrily. (Nailed that one!)" and choose to only mention Inuyasha's feelings once as either his thoughts or as narration.

""I'm really thirsy. Do you know where the nearest river is?" "Thirsty" is mispelled.

" It was perfect, absolutely prefect!" "Perfect" is spelled incorrectly the second time.

" Not I! (actually, being the authoress, I kind of had to know, huh?)" I would omit this.

"They, of course, obeyed without question as Sesshoumaru simply walked from the quickly." "The" should be "them" I believe.

"He could also smell an unwanted prescence lingering around, getting closer to the oblivious girl at each passing moment." I would say "with each passing moment" and "presence" is spelled incorrectly.

"Only when she stopped after a few minutes to catch her breath did she feel the eery and familiar prickling of her skin." "Eerie" is the correct spelling.

"He actually started to care for Kagome." "He" should be "he'd."

"RUN! her instinctsyelled ather." You need to add some spaces here.

awesome!

I like the way that Rin seems confused about what is troubling Kagome when it is fairly obvious. As a small child who enjoys Kagome's company though she would likely be confused about why Kagome was sad.

I am really amused by how Sesshoumaru is so tempted bu the ramen, but refuses to actually say so out of pride. I have to admit, I don't really agree about ramen's deliciousness *laughs,* but that is a personal opinion indeed - I guess I am lumped in with Sesshoumaru! Not that I hate them or anything. It's so quick to make so it's convenient.

I am also unsure about how one could really cook a cup of ramen over the fire without burning the cup. I will just take your word for it though.

So while I do find this rather amusing, I also feel that Sesshoumaru slips just a bit too much out of character here. I can see him being proud and all, but it seems that it is just a bit too silly. The joks about the ramen is cute, but I feel that maybe you take it too far. I would really suggest that you cut this chapter down an awful lot and allow the plot of your story to continue. As a short story all by itself this could make a cute little piece, but here it just distracts from your main story - which is Kagome's kidnapping. You start off well with Kagome's listlessness and lack of interest in the world around her.

It's just that you work so hard to have great cliffhangers at the end of chapters. Something like this totally thwarts your readers' expectations of something exciting coming next.

Some nitpicking:
"She looked back and an image of Inuyasha slurping the noddles down came to her mind." "Noodles" is misspelled. Just a typo.

"As said in an earlier chapter, Kagome felt that he wasn't a bad person, and she couldn't help but care about what happened to him. She just wished he'd drop the act already!" I don't feel you need to repeat this. I would omit this because the reader should know from reading previous chapters about Kagome's soft spot for Sesshoumaru.

"That's where we are now, with him holding the cup of ramen in his hands." Again, you can omit this. I think the reader understands it already from what you've just written.

"(This is making me hungry! 'cries')" Author interjection. Heh. I won't say anything more.

I like the way Sesshourmau is so scornful of humans all the time and how he never did actually consent to any deal.

I am not entirely certain what happens when Kagome yells "sit." Does it work on Sesshoumaru too? Maybe not, I am just not totally clear on what did happen. Perhapos you could explain it in more detail? Or maybe it is just me. I really don't know the show as well as I should.

I enjoy the way in which Kagome feels so relieved to get to see Shippou. I think in your story at least she feels like akind of mother figure to him. It is quite cute.

I also enjoy Sesshoumaru's inability to say no to Rin. It humanizes him a little, even though he is really a demon, but I think that is good - for him to have some attachments to humans.

I like that as soon as Sesshoumaru mocks Inuyasha about having some desire to try to get Kagome back some more, Inuyasha immediately takes the bait. It seems very like him to be able to be dared into doing anything at all.

Kagome's feelings as she is taken away from her friends again are very believable. Poor Kagome, she must be despairing quite a bit by now.

Some nitpicking:
"She poked him in the chest and starting giving him a lecture, as though he were Inuyasha and had just beaten up Shippou or something like that." Replace "starting" with "started."

"She finally became calmer, realizing now exactly who she was dealing with, and knew she had to choose her words carefully, or else become food for the birds." Replace "knew" with "knowing" to keep your sentence parallel.

"It had everything I need, so why can't I have it?" Replace "had" with "has."

"The entire process took a whole of... 1 minute." I would change this to "The whole process took only one minute."

"She pulled out a thing of ramen and gave it to Shippou." I would change "thing" to "container."

"He knew that Inuyasha could never beat him in a fair fight, even if the half breed were at full power. " I would change "were" to "was."

"As Inuyasha attempted to slice at Sesshoumaru, the elusive (I've been learning more words!) demon simply jumped above the horizontal cut and leapt over Inuyasha with calm grace. " I think again you know what I would say about the part in parentheses. It is especially intrusive here.

"Kagome realized what was going to happen now and, rather than being carried by Sesshoumaru once again (something I'd ADORE!), she got on Ah-Un with Rin and Jaken." Again, I would omit the things within parentheses.

"Numbness creeped in as they took off, flying over Inuyasha, Shippou, and Sango and Miroku, were only just now returning." I would say where "numbness" was creeping, obviously Kagome's heart or something, but it's best to make it clear. You need to begin a new sentence with "Sango and Miroku," because it reads a bit confusingly right now.

I like Kagome's longing for noodles. It is especially good because I think she eats a lot of them on the show. Heh.

I like that another confrontation occurs here so suddenly. I didn't see this one coming. I like Miroku's clever plan to get Kagome back and the way that it doesn't work. They are a bit foolish to offer to give Rin back right away though. They should take her away and have Sesshoumaru come to them, but hey, Miroku is improvising so I can see why he wouldn't think of this.

I like how you point out that Kagome hasn't eaten nor taken a bath in way too long. It's good to stay realistic about these details.

I like the way Kagome has become really attached to Rin. I like that Rin is terrified of her assailants. She would be even though we know them as the 'good guys.'

You are very good at thinking through how the characters would behave in a given situation. You really have an instinct for that.

Some nitpicking:
"Yes, water does have a scent. What it would smell like, I haven't the faintest idea, though... But that's not the point! The point is that Sesshoumaru was looking for water, which he found." You already know what I am going to say about this part, right? Heh.

"She'd never met a kid just as hyper as Rin besides Shippou!" I would omit "just."

"He was quite annoying, and it was great ot finally not have him grumbling about "stupid humans"!" Just a typo here. "ot" instead of "to."

"She slightly shook her head, not wanting to tell him, terror on her face becase of the man who can suck things up." I would end this sentence after "face." I think it is easy to see why Rin would be scared and the wording here is slightly awkward.

I am mystified about Kagome's plan and I am interest to see what she will try to do to escape. I am almost certain she will fail given that Sesshoumaru is likely much more pwoerful and clever than her.

I like the way Sesshoumaru so easily adopts his own plans to opportunities that arise. If Kagome tries to escape he will just creep after her and catch Inuyasha in that way.

I am wondering why Kagome is so sure that her other friends will come after her, but she is uncertain about Inuyasha. Why would she think that he would leave her when previously she believed he would always save her?

I like Inuyasha's antics with silly Shippou who could apparently sleep through anything. I also really enjoy that just the thought of Kagome reprimanding him is enough to make him stop from being mean to Shippou.

Some nitpicking:
"The only thing that stopped him was remembering Kagome and how she always sat him when he did something to poor little Shippou." I would say "how she always made him sit" as "sat him" doesn't really make sense, although I know what you mean. Or you could say, "how she always yelled "sit boy!"

"She was, of course, referring to the mysterious plan of hers that you have no idea about yet. Note the keyword, “yet”. That means that you will probably find out. And, considering that this chapter is titled “The Plan”, I think it’s safe to assume that you will find out. But, since I am the authoress of this story, I could say no, and keep you all in suspense. Or I could just shut up now and let you get on with the story. "
You really need to get rid of all of this and stop doing it in general. It is hard to read a story where the suthor always intrudes. Sometimes people do it for a specific reason - because their story is actually about the art of writing as well as whatever story they are telling, but your story is more importantly about action. You want us to be worried about what will happen to Kagome - when you intrude like this into the story I want to skip over all of it and it also makes me lose touch withthe characters. Suddenly, instead of thinking about Kagome as a real person, I am thinking about her as a character you are writing and I don't think that is what you want.