You might want to read up on dialogue tags. You misused them throughout this whole fic.

wow this is a awesome story plz update soon

The story is nice, perfectly drawn out from your brain. Keep up the good work!

*Bets he sounds like a English teacher.*

Well, Ayame, I did that on purpose becuase I was making it obviouse I have problems with "Gramer" HA...I DID IT AGAIN...TELL ME OFF NOW!
Anyway...hope everyone likes it...

Um... Yeah... Good job Arith. But... you misspelled "Grammar", keep writing, because you know I would lose the story if you emailed it to me instead of posting it, lol.
Sincerely,
"Ayame"

Whoo-Hoo! I hold the honor of submitting your first review, Arith! Of course I've gotta say it's wonderful!
It has its funny moments and serious moments. It's not all smiling faces. Ayame and I did make all the grammar corrections; if those were still there, she'd totally kick your 'ycc'.