Reviews for Rebirth - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Rebirth - Reviews: Page 1 of 5

Anime-StarWars-fan-zach 2008-06-01 ch 20,	abuseThis is a really good fic, I hope you continue it. Could Heng's mother be Death's Hand? But how would that work out...? Or perhaps...it's Silk Fox, but she was forced to become a creature like Death's Hand would have, and uses his armor? Sure is confusing...and man, the poor citizens, having no free will...again, this is a great fic. Hope you continue it.
Cheshire 2008-03-18 ch 20, anon.	abuseI remember reading this before, and I am very happy to see that there are two new chapters since the last time I looked. It was a very interesting AU idea, and I had been disappointed to see that there seemed no sign of it being continued at that point.
RunningStorm 2007-10-31 ch 5,	abuseThis is a very interesting story!! I love Jade Empire. The story line was so well crafted, the eviroment so cool, the language and the mythology were so awesome!! Now, did you play as Jen Zi with these kinds of abilites? I usually play through a game as the character before writing a story on that specific game. Love your story!! RunningStorm
AnneBonny10 2007-04-15 ch 18,	abuseI love this story. Can't wait for more!
Drider Queen 2007-04-02 ch 18,	abuseSo many mysteries... I wish to read more :D Update soon oki? :D
noneko 2007-04-01 ch 18,	abuseOnce again, a great chapter. Any real review I would have had is completely turned to squee-ing and general praise. I'm so excited to find out where this is going!
EphemeralMist 2006-06-05 ch 16,	abuseWow, I haven't reviewed since I got my account after chapter 12... how embarrassing. Anyway, I still absolutely adore your writing style, and am intrigued as to where this story is heading. I must admit I am still somewhat confused as to your plot, but I am guessing that if we readers have just a little bit of patience, all will be revealed. I have particularly been enjoying your interpretation of Wild Flower. It's nice to see her written with such a deliciously evil streak in her. Take your time getting it out, I must say I get sick of people rushing writers. I would much prefer to have a bit of patience and read a well-developed story than a half-ar$ed effort anytime. ;) Nice job
SinnerShadow 2006-05-24 ch 1, anon.	abuseOkay I have been extremly patiant but it can't take this long to up date your story. i love this story and by not updating you are dnying ne my story which is not a good idea. UPDATE SOON!
omar 2006-02-08 ch 15, anon.	abuseI love your story. You have such a way with words, like I can picture everything your describing in your story. Personally I would like to read more about Wu the Lotus Blossom. I know she's a playable character and wouldn't be in the game if you played as Jen Zi, but she's so cool. PLease put her in!WHen will the rest be out,I need to read it. I can't life through a whole school year with out knwoinig what happens!
SinnerShadow 2006-02-07 ch 1, anon.	abuseAbsolutly loved it! Pleade update soon so we can find out of anything happens between Jen Zi/Beatrix and Sky I am dying to find out and I'm probly not the only one that thinks that as well. I'm very impressed with the whole thing and I hope that you would continue sometime real soon. One thing that I do want ot ask however, will Sky and Jen Zi/Beatrix hook up at all or will their love and romance end than and there? I MUST KNOW! UPDATE SOON I BEG YOU!! loved the story.
Freesourceful 2006-01-19 ch 15,	abuseMini-Review Questionnaire Hello! I’ve been meaning to sit down and do a thorough review of this story for awhile, but I keep getting distracted by other things. Well, that, and I a lot of problems with this story I’ve been trying to think of a good way to present, short of a blow by blow close-read. Operating on the basis that in fanfiction, the loudest whiner gets their way, here is my fanfiction-grip/questionaire-of-doom (maybe): On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being Not at All and 5 being Very Much, please briefly answer the questions below: Q: How would you rate the story so far? 3 Q: Do you think the plot moves naturally, following the logical action of the story? 3 Explanation: I am confused about the background of the setting, thought I do understand that this is AU fiction and the rules of the world are not the same as the ones from the game. However, at Chapter 15 and still counting, I’m only slightly less-in the dark about what’s going on in your story than I was when it started. Q: How well does the author explaining the “background” of the plot? 2 (See above.) Q: Is this an impediment? A: Absolutely. Because the events in the story seem to be catapulting us towards some kind of emotional confrontation between Jen Zi/Beatrix and what remains of her old “crew,” it would have helped to have the existing relationships clearly defined before you moved us off into the realms of new characters (Reginald, Ai Chun, Heng, even the dog… goes cross-eyed). This wouldn’t be a terribly big deal in an AU fanfic if it weren’t for the fact that you seem to be moving the plot towards that kind of a climax. Maybe I’m reading this wrong and the story actually will be about Reginald and Ai Chun and Kia Min (and the kid and the dog), but as of the last installment, I fail to understand why any of these characters were introduced, included, casually developed, and then dropped. I have no sense of the importance of any of the characters (aside from Jen Ji/Beatrix), but just enough interesting dialog to keep me frustratingly interested. Moreover, there has been nothing so far in the story that has been me “grounded” in what’s going on. I’m floating from character to character, not really getting into anyone’s thoughts except Beatrix’s, and definitely without a solid sense of place and time. Part of this may be intentional – after all, Beatrix/Jen Zi doesn’t know when, or arguably where, she is anymore either, but as a reader, I want something, anything - a character, a place, a song, a prophecy – just something to tell me what this story is going to be about. Right now, I’m literally, metaphorically, and metaphysically lost. (This last comment also has a lot to do with how much I dislike the main character of this story – see below rant on landscapes.) Q: How would you rate the quality of the writing (prose)? 3 Explanation: I’ve really enjoyed your KotOR fanfic piece (too intimidating to review!) and your distinctive voice there – I’d characterize it as raw and edgy with a dark streak of humor – but that sense of immediacy and attitude you brought to your other piece doesn’t seem to have carried over well into third person, or just in this story (maybe even the setting), for that matter. Your short, dead-on descriptions still work well to quickly convey characterization, but do nothing to convey setting or place and time. I’m very much lost in where I am – aside from the names, why is this a Jade Empire fanfic? What’s unique about the setting? Maybe I’m trying to impose too much about what I enjoyed about the game – the pretty, shiny landscape – into your story, but the sense of rootlessness I feel towards the characters is very much tied to the complete lack of any concrete sense of place in “Rebirth.” We’re never in a location for long, and there are few passages that describe the majesty of the world. Again, my experience with the JE game (and my feelings of visiting China) might be projecting a lot into this complaint, but as a reader I do feel a great big gapping hole where I think the landscape should be. Q: How would you rate the quality of the dialog (does if sound natural, fit the setting, etc.)? 5 A: Dialog is definitely your strong suit (suite?). I was struggling very much with trying to decide whether 1) I liked this story or not and 2) whether it was a good story or not up until I hit the conversation between Jen Zi and the mysteriously-altered Wildflower. At that point, I finally saw the potential. The way the characters talk to each other and interact with each other definitely have your characteristic flair, and enough has changed about the world (and your focus) that it doesn’t matter whether these characters are speaking “in JE character” or not just as long as their speech patterns match the tone of your story. In other words, the characters don’t sound like they’re from the game-world of the Jade Empire, but they definitely sound like they are from your version of the JE world. (A world that is darker, a little more fey, and inexplicably disquieting.) Q: Where there parts of the story where you thought one thing would happen, but the author took the story in a completely different direction? A: Not that much has happened yet, but I thought I’d throw this one in just to mention that I find the premise (which in and of itself is a plot twist) interesting. Q: Is there anything which you want explained in which hasn’t been explained yet? A: Yes. Big long list beginning with: who’s in power? What happened to Dawn Star? What happened to Silk Fox? What happened to Sky? Will Jen Zi ever get her name back? Will Jen Zi finally get Sky? Why are Ai Chun, Roderick, and Kia Min along on this ride? What’s the big deal about Heng (I’m guessing he’s heir to the throne)? What’s the big deal about his dog (even more puzzling)? Why did the Water Dragon make a mistake? And how could the Water Dragon have brought Jen Zi back 10 years after the fact if Sun Li coulda drained her years ago? (Unless, of course, that has something to do with the scaled water-lady that Heng meets….) Q: What do you think is going to happen next (based on the story so far)? A: I think it’s going to be revealed that either Dawn Star’s been possessed by the Water Dragon and had a son with Sky, or Lian had a kid with Sky and Dawn Star’s become some sort of crazy warrior-lady. Q: What would you like to happen next? A: More answers, thanks! Q: Who is your favorite character (if any)? A: I’m liking your rendition of Wildflower/Ya Zhen. Wicked. Q: Who is your least favorite character (if any)? A: Beatrix. She doesn’t do much of anything. At all. That, and I hate the name. In theory JE takes place around roughly the same period as the English Elizabethan era, and for some reason, I keep seeing Emma Thompson’s face pop in my head when I think “Beatrix” (“Much Ado About Nothing”). Q: Do you have any favorite “moments” in this story? A: I love the scene between Wildflower and Jen Zi (I think on the balcony of the pirate’s tower). It’s subtle, and cool. Q: How about least favorite moments? A: The opening of this story really didn’t do much for me. The whole interaction with the Outlanders, the bathing in Dirge… in terms of metaphor and building systems of symbolism, the setup all seems good, but in terms of entertainment, I skipped the bits with Reginald and Roderick. It holds back the story and aside from establishing that her friends had come and gone (that part was good), it doesn’t contribute much to the story. Q: Do you have any suggestions for improvement? A: I hope that I covered most of them when I tackled each subject, but I am always happy to clarify/point to more specific passages if requested. Q: Parting words: A: I sure hope I’m not crucified by the fans…
Seriyu-the-ice-dragon 2006-01-03 ch 15,	abuseThis is good. It's sad to see how upsetting everyone has become over the last 10 years. Though it does seem odd how Ya Zheng is back when you banish him during your first encounter in the Palace.
Infernal Oread 2005-12-20 ch 15,	abuseHmm... More intrigue and story development. The dialogue between the Black Whirlwind and Beatrix made me laugh; gotta love the lumbering oaf. :p A terrfic job done with dialogue, as always. Shame about Sky; I like the tension and unresolved anger you introduced. But that's... awful - everyone in the Imperial City has been bound? Can't wait to see what happens next.
Infernal Oread 2005-12-10 ch 14,	abuseHm. Interesting. I'm assuming the Big Giant Blue Thing (sorry, I was inspired by "Third Rock from the Sun") is the Water Dragon's corpse. Unless its a colossal magical water carp. ;) Love this line: “It’s me! Where are you hiding? I’ll beat you up if you don’t come out and play with me.” So cute, I can imagine Heng saying it. I have this crazy speculation as to the identity of his mother, but I'll refrain from stating outright.
Infernal Oread 2005-12-07 ch 13,	abuseI love the dialogue and the general development of this chapter. Great job of characterization captured in body language and speech, as usual. Hope to see chapters 14 & 15 up shortly, though take whatever time you need to polish things up. :-)

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