Hm... First of all, the run-on sentences are totally out of control here. Together with the countless uncapitalized sentences and lack of paragraph breaks, that makes this a very unprofessional work.

Second, I think the time frame for this story is very inappropriate. Besides the fact that Mag and Linear were rather young to be engaging in sex at the time of Evolution 2(yes, they were sexually mature, but they strike me as being too content and responsible to resort to sex at that age), the game really makes no indication of their having been together. This story would be a lot more believable if you'd simply set it sometime after Evolution 2.

Also, the tone of the story is a tad... rambling. There's no sense of direction until the end.

The good stuff: The characters are all really well done. Linear is a bit more talkative than usual, but other than that nothing felt too forced. This story feels like a new dose of the same characters I loved from the game, and that made it a pleasure to read.

Finally, the actual action of the story was good, and I don't just mean the fighting action. The scene in the Tower of Despair is especially creative.

Oh, and congratulations on being the first to complete an Evolution fanfic!

It was an alright story.

oh!

how sweet! that was a really good

story! linear isn't as inocent as we

thought!Ihope you write anothermag/linear story soon!

Nice fic but it would be nice if you made the part where Mag and Linear have sex more extensive that'd be nice.

The new work better be better, GIVE US 'LOVE' DETAILS!

Lol, good thing it wasn't Chain that found them the next morning!

Cool *blushes and sticks head in ground* my stomach is churning to read more, oh my *sniffs* they grow up so fast!

At last, I was begining to think no one would do a fic like this one! great job,

A please do more, or better yet, continue this one. I'd love to see more!

Well, you said you were going to make one of these fics. Pretty good and its kinda funny too. dont ask. Well, I congratulate you. my fic isnt going so well though I did update tonight. Keep up the good work. Linear and Mag 4 eva.

AWW! Kawaii! I'm so glad more Evolution fics are being written...Mag and Linear fans, unite! Yes, we shall rule the world! BWAHAHAH...eh...stop looking at me like that. 'Nyway...verry cute story, 'n' I can't wait to see where it goes from there...heeheehee. Continue. Now. Or I shall sic my evil Museling on you!

NOOOOO! You must hurry with the next chapter QUICK. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I love it. Please I beg you ::tears in eyes:: You must hurry!::gets on the ground holding her heart:: God bless!