great story

great story so far. i'll have to finish reading it tomorrow

Well...I had a few problems with this fic as well as a few things I like.

The thing I liked most was the plot. Very nice work with that. I also liked how you created dragon's suit and how you explained everything relating to her suit.

The thing that drove me nuts, however, was Carm herself. She has MSS, or Mary sue syndrome, and she has it bad. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the term Mary sue, but if you're not it means a character who is unbelievably perfect. To the point of not being human. Carm has everything we wish we had. She's got a great guy, a great singing voice, knows how to play an instrument, has an unusual name, can cook, everyone loves her, she's fearless, has a great friend, is rich, is strong, knows at least some chemistry, has some skill with creating things like suits and the resources to do it, and the list goes on. Sure, she's got a horrible past, but that's actually another thing that Mary sues usually have. It makes her seem even more unreal. All of that stuff doesn't happen to one person and then they just all of a sudden decide to dawn a dragon suit. Which brings me to another flaw: Too many gaps. What about the Korean book? What is it? How did she get the materials to make the dragon suit? Wouldn't it be suspicious for her to just buy them? How did she get involved with the head crime lord? Sure she's an asset but how did she catch his attention? Little details that were left out made it seem so surreal.

Which brings me to my next point: Details. I agree whole heartedly with Savitri on this. I want to be able to feel the fight around me. Go deep into what a character feels, smells, tastes, hears. The entire fic you only even mentioned the sense of smell twice if I remember correctly. There were a million opportunities to mention texture. The keys on the piano felt cold, the makeup felt pasty and she hated putting it on, things like that. Details are very important in a story.

I really enjoyed K.C., even if she was a **. She seemed a little unreal too, but more real than Carm and she was kind of funny. I honestly did not expect her to die. If you had made it so that she hadn't said she was going to die, I would have suspected it, but because you did I thought it would all turn out okay. Until the last few chapters I hadn't suspected Carm would die either. great job with that.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm flaming you. I'm really not. Just trying to help with your writing. The biggest flaw in the fic was Carm, but your work with the plot was beautiful. I rather enjoyed this fic, despite my above critique, and I look forward to your Dick/OC fic.

That was way too depressing! i can't believe you killed her off! i had tears in my eyes, I swear i did. :( I loved it though. It was a perfect ending to a perfect story.
As for the Dick Grayson story . . . I think you should write it; and by now I hope that you have already started it! I hope you post it soon!
Pirate Gyrl

Oh What a sad ending. Muffin!

Maid of the Mer

Good descriptions! Lots of drama and action!
ok...please go over, lot of grammatical errors. It also ended WAY too fast. It was like Boom Boom Boom!! try to play it out more and add more suspense and detail!

-Tear- And so it ends...truly one of the greatest stories ever...the ending is so great! You have no idea how much I love it. And as for that Robin story. I'm thinking hell yes. Just to give you another of my unwanted suggestions: Perhaps the girl can be a girl who like Dick was in school with, and they were starting to get close, and then the Mad Hatter began striking Gotham, and she was kidnapped to be one of his Alice's; and Batman is like searching for Hatter, but Dick goes like on a solo mission when the Bat tells him not to, and yeah. Of course my suggestions aren't to great, but ah well.

another wonderful chapter. and so touching. you portrayed the Joker's insanity perfectly. it was almost like reading the comics and watching the movie. i enjoyed every minute of the chapter and i hope you update soon!
Pirate Gyrl

Rats, I thought the bats would attack her...too bad. Hehe. I like bats. They are my friends.

NANA NANA BATMAN!

~Midnight Roamer~
Ps. Very nice story

Hey!

Just wanted to say that this story is brilliant! The characters are fleshed out really well, the story is written beautifully - if this were put into movie format, it would be as good as Batman Begins.

I love the complexity of Dragon. She has issues... MAN does she have issues! LOL but they help to make up who she is and it helps to understand what she does and why she does it. Bruce and Alfred are written just like they should be... you are being true to their characters, so well done!

I can't wait to read what happens next! When i had finished that last chapter i was like 'what? that's it? OH COME ON!' I can't wait for more! :D

Well done again!

:p Madison (which, just like Batman and Dragon, isn't my real name. :D)

Muffin! Question: is robin or batgirl going to be in this fic? Because that would be cool. You know what would also be cool? It would be cool if Carm's husband, whom they all saw "die", really didn't die and came to see Carm. That would be interesting, very interesting. Update soon.

Maid of the Mer

I LOVE IT! HAHAHA! THIS IS AN EXTREMLEY DEEP CHAPTER WITH LOTS OF FEELING!! WOW! ANYWAY, IT'S AWSOME SO KEEP WRITING, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT SCHOOL, YOU'LL GET USED TO IT!

~SAVITRI

A: Oh, Nightshade is MIA! grr, review soon, or else! I only have a four person readerdom, I need those reviews!
What's that mean?
B:Awesome. This is getting so cool. If only we knew how Batman escaped from them! Well, it's the untold story, I suppose. Can't wait for the upload, such an awesome story!

Love this story! Please update very soon! I like the inherent conflict between Carm and Batman/Bruce.
Very smart and thrilling.

AH! I HATE YOU! WHY...HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!! I DON'T THINK I WILL FINISH READING YOUR STORY CUZ OF THAT LITTLE EPISODE!! HUMPH... I HOPE THEY ALL DIE TOO! AND I'M SERIOUS...I WILL NOT FINISH YOUR FIC UNLESS YOU RE-EN CARNATE ME! AAH!!