I really enjoyed this story! The style, where you swithced back and forth was very entertaining. Keep it up!
~RM

I can see that you're a talented writer, with lots of potential. I think what happened with this fic was that it turned out not too realistic. At times, that can be a good thing, but it just distracted from your writing here. For example:

"Laughing his head off, Ron managed to make a sage comment; “Duh!” Still laughing hysterically, he headed off to the kitchen to get us all some food. Harry looked on, bemused."

I doubt that the characters involved in this exchange would be acting this way, given the circumstances. And I also find it hard to believe that Ron, or any other character, would utter the phrase "Duh."

The switching between POV's also distracted from the point of the story. It became hard to follow at some points, and took me a few minutes into reading the section to decipher who was speaking.

Please understand that I do not intend this to come across as a "flame" in any way, shape, or form. I strongly urge you to continue writing. As I said before, you're talented and have a lot of potential.

I hope you write some more stories soon, as I would be delighted to read them! Hope to hear from you soon.

-Amanda

aw

wow this story is very very good. I love how you tell the story in your own way. I love how your writing flows and fits together.

That was great! Your characterization was spot on, in my humble opinion of course and I only found one mistake. You didn't note that you switched POV's from Ron to Ginny right before she leaves Harry's bed for food.

Anyway, great job and I look forward to reading more of your work.