Holy shit! I sent you this e-mail cuz I haven't talked to you in yonks and I was like "OMG! I haven't reviewed your story for ages!" I'm pretty forgetful like that... sorry. And I've been busy lately, but that's no excuse. I could have reviewed when I wasn't busy. Either way, I really enjoyed this chapter, I think it was a little bit different to the others. I'm wondering if you're a research type. You know, someone who likes to do thorough research before writing a story. I find my story writing morals have changed and I enjoy researching anything, even school assignments. It's kind of seems that way. i was also wondering about the Mihawk thing but after reading the review reply at the end of the chapter... yeah, you are screwed.
Well, I would go back and critique your mistakes but my computer time is almost up and I think your story is shaping out really nicely. I anticipate your next chapter and the finale.
D
Inugirl88 2/23/07 . chapter 10
Hi )
Why don't you write more? I like your writing style. Please write more, please please please
i really like the story so far, as i have since the beginning. i simply cannot WAIT until Draconian and Luffy fight.
and i really like how you put Ace in this. of course, Ace could have finished the Mr. 4 pair easily by himself, but that would not make the story interesting, and it gave Ace a chance to really admire Draconian's fighting.
... you're happy. Two hours. Yes, TWO hours, tonight, I spent reading. I'm RUNNING on two hours of sleep, and it's midnight. Ask me how happy I am, knowing that I've been reading for TWO CONSTANT HOURS! I'm VERY happy! This is so fucking awesome that I can't even describe its awesomeness. I have no FUCKING clue what's going on, this is true, but this is very creative, constructive writing that follows along with with the creator of such a manga ALSO envisioned. You've got it mastered, DoR, and if you don't update NOW, I'll figure out your true identity and location and personally find you and kick your ass. I know, three run-on sentences and four spelling errors, but FUCK YOU! :D. I'm tired.
Good idea, look forward to it. I tend to mention things that I didn't review in past chapters in other reviews, bad habit. Its taken me a while to read this as I've been busy but worth it. Hope to see more soon.
It took me a while to read through this chapter, good length! I thought it was funny how he hates being called drakey. Will Draconian and Zolo fight? That will be worth seeing (or reading as the case may be).
Well in answear I don't personally know Iwin Ulose and I didn't know we were on the same staff list. Another good chapter and I found the fights a little less dragged out, you don't need to be so discriptive all the time, ok? Draconian seems to be a little bit of a flirt, well he is 17. Will you do a chapter on Mihawk meeting Diana real or (shared)dream? Only seems right but thats just my opinion. Glade to see the fic is still strong in its content 8 chapters on, very good work.
Sorry I haven't review in a while. This is coming along well and isn't driving itself into a dead end. The character is easily understood as its from his view, which makes reading easier. As the episodes in the UK haven't come as far into the baroque works I only just got who these characters were.
Glad so see a guy who realises chivalry is dead, hate to see males charaters who object to fight women. Good work and I'll make sure to read the next chapter when I have a free moment as I hate being interupted while reading a lengthy chapter.
Hutchy
too lazy to login 12/26/05 . chapter 8
I think... other than the mistakes in grammar and the awkward sentences (and the small bit of Mary-Suishness), I think this is the best-written fanfic I've ever read. The descriptions are a bit heavily-loaded, but it is at a satisfactory level. Most fanfics I read leave pretty much everything to the reader's imagination, but with this story, it leaves plenty for the reader's imagination while at the same time giving them the scenery, unlike Peter Jackson's movies, where he leaves nothing to the viewer's imagination (but his stories still rock). I still recommend lightening them a bit.
Great story! However, problems (IMO):
1. Mary-Sue. So far, Draconian has lost once, against his dad. Now, Luffy has pretty much never lost, but he has an entire crew at his back. I understand that Dragon is following Luffy around, so his enemies are slightly weakened, but he's a tad too strong.
2. Awkward Sentences. A few sentences are a bit wierd, and some are just plain oxymorons.
3. Wrong Words Used. There was one part I remember, when Seven put his arms around (!)Seven's neck, and (!)she put (!)her arms around his. I'm thinking the second one is supposed to be Saturday.
4. Heavy Bombardment of Description. On the latest chapter (8), I found myself reading the same line over and over again. There was this one line where I read it over and over seven or eight times. It's like Draconian's Dragon Stampede, but instead of burning feet, it's one burning line.
Ack, here I am, criticizing people's work, when I make all these mistakes all the time (not #1 and #4, where I do the opposite by making the person a weakling and putting just barely enough description. I remember another writer by the pen name of Spectreon. She was deaf, so everything had amazing visuals. You should read some of her work. s six dot invision free dot com slash Insanity underscore Version underscore two slash index dot p h p questionmark
no spaces, replace numbers with numbers and signs with signs.
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