 -Nightly Halo- 2008-05-08 . chapter 1Amber is so ** annoying. I like...skimmed the chapter, cuz i wanted to see what your reviewers say compared to mine, haha. Yeah, that girl that gave you a spikey review was right, and the whole Amber saying her friend's obsessed with dark link? I know who you're talking about
anyways...Read my drabble damnit! >< There's only one chapter...do you even check your reviews? O__o?
-steals cookies that review before gave you- mine! ha! -inhales cookie-
...-munches- ya know...it's odd to imagine Link talking...lawl |
 Ray Rune 2008-01-27 . chapter 1I'll start with the bad stuff. It's a bit harsh, so that's why I want to get it over with. If you feel offended, you have the complete freedom of skipping to the good stuff near the bottom, and I wouldn't blame you at all for it. Okay! Brace yourself.
--BAD--
Oh god. She's so irritating. I'm sorry. She's pretty cute in a relaxed, modern environment, but though you attempted a bit of seriousness with the tektites, she seemed so 2d in personality that she got even more annoying than Navi. My suggestion is to tone it down, perhaps add a more broad range of emotions and thoughts than simply "Ooh cool! I knew you were real! I know all about you! I love you! I know a lot! Ooh cool, I get to go on an adventure! Cool! Oh my god!" and surprise. Link's immediate acceptance could've been funny, but the lack of suspense and general dismissal of any proper explanation of reasoning on Link's part made the amusement go flat. Yeah... I know this seems like cruel honesty, but I sincerely felt like I was watching Link invite his creepy fangirl stalker to go on an adventure with him. ... Actually, in retrospect, that sounds pretty funny. I believe you could've successfully passed it off like that, but you didn't go into detail on what Link's opinions were about Amber. Think about what Link would be thinking exactly if a girl suddenly appeared out of no where, while apparently knowing everything about his personal life and Hyrule's cruel fate laden by Ganon.
--GOOD--
I'm running out of time, so I'll squish them all into a neat list.
-All negativity aside, Link's reaction to Amber's allegations on his opinion about Zelda was a funny moment,
-Amber's interaction with her friends was another amusing moment,
-your spelling was good (not great, but not bad either),
-you started us off with a decent length,
-and had an ending to the chapter that I actually genuinely can call you ingenious for:
[As they climbed onto Epona’s back, with the girl wrapping her arms around his waist, Link realized that he didn’t know her name.]
:D That as a good ending. Thank you.
And thank you for the chapter, as well as reading my review... however spiky it turned out to be. |