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Reviews for: Ace Lightning: Season 3 - Page 1 of 2
Raven Firestorm
2009-10-11 . chapter 9
please update soon?
ArcticChillAquaMarinePyroZero
2009-10-11 . chapter 9
Heya Rotgut!:D
its ArcticChillAqua Marine!
you said I should review so i did.
this story is incredibly awesome.
hope to see ch 10 soon!
jaycee
2007-11-05 . chapter 9
I love this story, please update soon.
The only thing I don't like is all the new characters you're introducing. There are far too many of them and its getting hard to keep track.
king
2007-10-06 . chapter 1
cool story. i really like this story but i wish you would update more often. Although, the wait is usally worth it seeing as your storys are really good and exiting.
guess who?
2007-07-18 . chapter 1
yes you updated!you take forever to update you know that? ah well, the wait is so worth it,you chapters just keep getting better so please please please PLEASE keep going and don't give up because i just love this story and it is by far my favourite!!
Ashley162
2007-01-13 . chapter 8
pls update. this story is really good
digimon-jedi
2006-05-30 . chapter 6
Good Job, can't wait for the next chapter... try to add a Ninja or Sameria, i'd like that. But if not oh well, i'll still love the story
hyperpsychomaniac
2006-05-29 . chapter 6
O! Nice chapter! I really haven't been reading as many Ace fics as I should... but this is good. :D

I liked when you had Ace running through all the swampy stuff, don't know what about it, but I could really follow it and get a good mental image of what he was doing (tripping over crocs and such :P), so good job there.

I can't remember if you had Buzzbeast doing it before, but how you have him tearing around on the ground with the buzzsaw, and moving about 'like a wildcat', yeah, that's how I would picture him. ^^

Poor Chuck at the end, walking in on Ace and LI, that made me laugh. :D

My only complaint is that you have a tendency to leave out words, and a few of your sentences don't quite make sense. Just make sure you read over your fics (and try not to get absorbed in the storyline and miss the mistakes, I know that's hard to do :P) before you post. Other than that, it's great!
Scarabbug
2006-05-28 . chapter 6
Woot! New chapter ^_^ Where have you BEEN, boy?

I love your theory about the Nexus core – it’s an appropriate extrapolation on the theory of the ace characters being real and I love the idea of the nexus core being their equivalent of souls. However, I should note that ALL lightning knights need to recharge – as part of the game and the real world. It’s not just Ace. So you might wanna change that.

I also like how you explained the connection between fear’s core and the minions. That’s a sophisticated idea and really quite clever. This theory has a few holes, but they can be fixed.

Lady illusion would… probably not burst into tears if ace was killed. she wouldn’t be very happy, but I’d expect her to go on an enraged attack aimed at whoever killed him than break down crying. She’s just not that sort of character.

The datastream reality was also pretty cool. As were the pirates (that guy created his own crew? Cool! Though a parrot absorbing a nexus core.. .well, okay, possible.) You’re really making it work here.

“Oh, and you’re father has got a new craving again.” – this phrase gives me disturbing mental images. Simon Hollander is not a hormonal female :P and is he really the type to sing “Rule Britannia” down the phone line?

I liked your characterisation of Sparx, too. You really are improving ^_^ though I don’t think they would doubt her ability to rescue Ace, or at least wouldn’t look so surprised.

“Sparx who flew overhead, was sent a message from Chuck to come.” … please, rephrase. It may just be MY mind at work but.. .rephrase.

Your grammar and spelling were good this time round but for the occasional glitch, (“You’re bomb must have killed him,” should be “YOUR bomb”, for example) and you remembered verbal contractions ^_^ well done you.

This new guy sounds creepy :s but like I said, watch your character numbers. I know you have a lot of ideas you want to use, but really, you can utilise all the plots I’ve seen you theorise before with the characters you have now, you don’t need to add anymore. Go for it, otherwise.

Looking forwards to the next chapter. Which episode are you gonna do next?
Scarabbug
2006-02-26 . chapter 5
Sorry it took me so long to review, Gut. :( I have no excuses.

And thank you for being careful with Snoflake. You haven’t done a bad job and you haven’t Sued her, for which I am grateful *feels flattered.* I really like how you used my episode plan (and thank you also for giving me credit.) You did well, though she’s a bit flatter than I imagined her.

A hat, gloves, several layers of clothes, scarf, boots, and snow goggles. – that total description could be rephrased, don’tcha think? And snow goggles might be a bit on the excessive side. Though I do love the idea of Simon fighting with his car. ^_^

Meanwhile, in Conestoga Park, a strange feeling was hovering overhead – feelings don’t tend to hover unless you’re mixing your metaphors.

“Oh, come on! These storms from the game are really bad,” – does Chuck have any reason, at this point to believe the storm isn’t just freak weather rather than something to do with the game? Seems like a bit of a jumping connection.

““I don’t believe it. Your heat was froze!” cried Sparx.” – Frozen. Even sparx has that much command of grammar.

“You energy source must be something to do with fire,” said Ace.” - if she’s been a knight all this time, how do they NOT know what her power source is?

“I don’t believe it. Your heat was froze!” – heat was frozen . Sparx’s grammatical speech is better than that.

“No one can say ‘No’ to you, can they Sparx?” laughed Ace.“You got that right, Ace. Now let’s train!” said Sparx, pulling out her sword. – Nice bit of characterisation there. You got them spot on.

“Hello Mrs. Hollander… Achoo! I walked here from my mum’s car and I have now d-d-developed a cold!” – she already told him that, he didn’t have to repeat himself. Plus, there’s no need to vocalise a sneeze.

You could have come down with a far badder illness!” …My spellchecker isn’t even letting me HAVE “badder”. I don’t think it’s a real word, and if even the spellchecker did pick it up, I doubt Fiona would. She has better grammar than that.

“I did (comma) Kat!” replied Chuck. And I don’t think he needs to yell.

“At the Hollander home, the entire family and Kat, who had mistakenly visited at the wrong time” – you might as well have directly quoted from my episode plan there, please try and make it sound more like your story.

“The snow may be friendly here, but I know for a fact that Ace Lightning is having trouble with it,” – the snow may be friendly HERE? Hm… that suggests it’s NOT friendly somewhere else. Curious allusion to the 6D ;) Nice.

“asked Lord Fear stepping into the cold and immediately started shivering.” – bad grammar, rephrase.

Megalomaniac … possible an apt choice of word, I guess but… I dunno.

“the eight-limbed megalomaniac petted him in a rather disturbing manner, as he was using one of his tentacles”…ew, you don’t even want to KNOW the illusions my awful mind got from that, please rephrase.

“I am Snoflake, ruler of Glacier Mountains,” – this is your fanfic, so I can’t complain here, but I always had her as a rather powerful grunt, rather than a leader.

“I was once the leading the war against Ace Lightning,” – Grammar?

“Oh, you’re snow fun! Get it!” – phrase it like a question and we will, Googler ;)

Snoflake suddenly morphed into an icy smoke which floats (floated)

“Sparx, Lord Fear would come through the roof, and besides, I don’t think any of the villains use doors,” – they’ve used the door multiple times in the past, I believe.

“Hold it Little Miss Chill,” – I love that! ^_^

“Are you mad? Kilobyte is a freak!” cried Lord Fear. – fear might well say this. But not in Kilobyte’s presence. He’s not suicidal.

“Look at it! This blizzard could not be natural” said Mark.” …Who seems to have forgotten how to use verbal contractions ;)

“Quiet, Sparx!” cried Ace. – I don’t think Ace would say that to Sparx, especially not if the comment she was making was relevant.

“Suddenly, a tentacle flew out and whipped Sparx off her vehicle like a fox plucking a chicken from its chicken run.” – Nice metaphor, but the word chicken is repetitive.

“No Ace or Sparx. And where is Molto” Question marks.

“her freezing lips can inches away from his” Grammar.

“Speaking of locations, where are Chuckdude and Kitty Girl?” asked Ace. _ kitty girl… *snigger*

““Let me have a go!” bellowed Mr. Burness. “The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can watch the Teletubbies Movie! It’s on in 15 minutes. It is about the four crazy characters and their vacuum cleaner saving the land from an insane butterfly!”
“ -… right, your description of the neighbours was apt, up until that point, but this comes across as a little TOO weird.

Now… About Molto. You’ll remember this little girl with a combination of humiliation and fondness in the future, believe me. That’s what happened with my Akira.

Molto is turning into a lost cause, Sue wise. I mean come on… they’ve been fighting these guys all this time… and yet Molto finishes them with a single blast? I know fire is a good counter to heat but a little exaggerated, don’t you think? Particularly as early on in the ep, she couldn’t even warm up a room. Teamwork would’ve been more believable. And Molto is starting to push the Sue states. Have you run her through the sue test of the board? I wrote that thing specially for the ace fans, use it. I do like her and you can still make a good character out of her but you have to learn the finer points of avoiding sue-ism. Basically if you want a simplified explanation – look at Kat, then don’t do anything the same way as the guy who made her.

“No! Curse you fools!” screamed Snoflake as her legs melted into water and then her whole body exploded into water, which then vanished in a flash of light. –Nice. I was just gonna vaporise her, but that works too. ^_^

“He made the leafblower into a flamethrower!” – Now is it me or you who got the wrong idea here? I doubt very much a leaf blower could be made into a flamethrower like that. Though the trick WOULD work with a match and a can of aerosol, though it’d be dangerous. Maybe somebody should just go get an actual blowtorch?
“Icksne on the Ace ‘Ightning stey!” If you’re going to use pig latin, please use it properly. Here: http : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Pig _ Latin
As always, you do a good job of the evils. Nicely IC. And I like how Fear is envious of KB and his undead dog ^_^ That’s so Fear! I’m actually starting to feel sorry for the guy…

My, was I picky today =S well anyway I think the series is going well despite my nitpicking. Do please continue. I look forwards to seeing what happens next.
Blue-Inked Frost
2006-01-05 . chapter 5
I rather liked that. :) There were several spelling and syntax errors, but I'm not going to go through and find each one out. I thought you did pretty well with the OCs, and they didn't seem Sueish. There was a lot of action happening, which you dealt with quite well. You might want to watch just how many OCs you have, though--there are only so many CGIs that'd fit into Conestoga Hills, after all, and if you have too large a cast it's clunky and you can't spend enough time focusing on each individual one (not that all large casts are bad, but in this story I think you'd be better off showcasing just one or two OCs being added to the cast).
Scarabbug
2005-09-30 . chapter 4
Rotgut, you’re not the only one who’s been on the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland Paris, you know, I can see what you’re doing :P getting inspired from something is fair enough, but try and tone it down a bit, all the same I liked the “Keep your arms and legs inside the ride” joke.

I also get the feeling that this has been thrown together in somewhat of a hurry. It seems to be lacking in energy and… speed quite a bit. I know your writing ability is stronger than this.

“Because I know it was not you that took my love away, but that Kilobyte person is too blame,” said Emily. “Be careful…” … what did I say about Emily? Now she’s helping Ace? Hm… Fear is not gonna like that and she’s supposed to be devoted to him.

I like the ep idea, but it moved a little bit too fast for my liking. Some small talk would have been interesting to go on. And btw, where’s Chuck?

and felt blood in her nose. – nice touch, but Lightning Knight’s don’t bleed, remember? Especially not from the nose… they lose binary code from certain symbol markings on their bodies, but they don’t bleed.

Ace examined the orb his love was trapped in – I dunno if Ace would phrase it like that.

spider-like hair and neon coloured clothes – she has a spider headdress, not spider-like hair... and NEON clothing? O_o you sure you wanna make her look like a glowing takeaway sign?

“Grim Grinning Ghosts come out to socialise,”… right… I’m gonna have to watch that movie again but I think this might be plagiarism, Rotgut… when we say “don’t just quote from the series” I think we can extend the rule to include “don’t quote other people’s work.” There is far TOO MUCH of a Haunted mansion influence going here. The guys at Disneyland are gonna get cross. :P

“Muhahahahahaha! – voicing the laugh is not a mature writing style. This is another of those “show don’t tell” scenarios.

but he held them off with the Shield of Justice he’d been given by Ace for defence. – you never mentioned Mark had the shield beforehand – this would have been nice to know.

“Bones and blood we (sp? Were?) visible”

“Sit. Stay. Play dead, wait you already are. Roll over?” cried Sparx as she collided with a wall. – I expect Sparx would attack the Hellhound rather than backing away from it… plus, haunted mansion?

“and flied at Googler” – grammar – it’s “flew” not “flied”

“This place is crawling with stiffs,” – tell me you haven’t seen the YuGiOh Movie? Come on, Wile, I notice these things. Plus that doesn’t sound very LI-like. (Considering the line was originally said by Joey Wheeler I’m not surprised.)

“Who is going to stop me? You? You’re pathetic sidekicks?” asked Kilobyte and punched Ace again.
* * * Remember to separate phrases in different locations like this.
Up in the sky, a news helicopter flew towards the carnival. In it was Connie Woodward. –
You used Connie :D yay!

“Just call me, Molto,” said the girl. – I had a feeling she was going to show up… The Sue bells are ringing, Rotgut, and the’re ringing loudly. Molto could prove an interesting character but PLEASE be careful, and less of the weird hair and close relationship with the canons. Consult the following link: h t t p : / / w w w. S p r i n g h o l e. net/ library / marysue. Htm (removing the spaces I put in, obviously.)

“glowing with a pulsated orange glow – repetition of the word “glow” – find another word.

Sparx and Ace heaved Random onto the Lightning Flash which was parked outside the carnival – I... don’t think that’s going to work. He looks distinctly too heavy for that.

“Oh, I forgot to mention. I got a power boost. Now I can read people’s minds…sort of,” explained Molto. … You know what I’m about to say. Sue. Sue. Sue!

“Oh, Ace! We are together again!” sobbed Lady Illusion. – O_o Lady Illusion, sobbing? No, just no. Not gonna happen Rotgut.

You could really have done with being much more careful with this chapter, it did seem very rushed and I get ther feeling you were in a hurry to produce your next story. This is not a good thing and it's left you with many, many more faults than usual. It's not a bad chapter. It just needs work. There's a strong Sue-risk from two of the characters, multiple plagarisms of the Haunted mansion (I know, I know, I loved that ride too but that's no reason to nick it's copyrights) plus others, and a slight lack of care.

I hope you enjoy your next fic and spend more time over it (especially give it's content - I'm flattered, btw :).) Be careful with Snoflake, Kay? She is what she is and that's all that she is.
hyperpsychomaniac
2005-09-22 . chapter 3
Just got around to reading this. Nice job. I liked Lord Fear going all ga ga over the hellhound. I can so see him doing that. :) I'm also very interested to see where you're taking the whole Random being niether evil or good. Looks like it could be very interesting. Red light thing was funny too. Good job. And I can see that you're writing is getting better. :D More!
Scarabbug
2005-08-25 . chapter 3
Your first paragraph was in present tense, which didn’t fit with the rest of the story. And I don’t think the version of the carnival in the Sixth Dimension would be considered “family friendly” like in the real world.

I loved your description of the carnival and the doors in the endless hallway – it was very haunting and well written ^_^

“Your octopussness” – LOL!

“the Bone Brothers following” Bonehead and Numbskull never actually told Kilobyte that they were called the Bone brothers – so how did he know?

“Rolled his colourless eyes” – the last time I checked, Kilobyte definitely had colour in his eyes.

And I see you utilised the idea of the Sixth Dimension becoming one with the human one – good one. It’s an interesting theory and I’m glad to see it being utilised. This sounds like it’s going to be really exciting. I like the way you’re doing it so quickly too. You would have thought this would be a climax point of the series, but it seems to work well. Kudos to you ^_^
“She was fine. Within an hour or so she was back up and doing backflips by the time Ace flew in,” said Kat. – Yup, that sounds like Sparx ^_^

“that cooks” – I assume you meant THE cooks.

Ah is this that attempt to give Kat a plausible fault in that she’s still writing the article even though she promised not to? I like it. That girl needs some faults.

“You left me! You left me in that house to rot, until you felt like returning!” wept Emily as she slapped Lord Fear across the face. The two, along with Staff Head were alone in the organ room. – I rather like Emily, she’s spunky, be careful with the Sue level but as of yet she’s not, and I like her (poor Fear – he never did have much luck with women) ^_^

“abandon me” – abandoned, I assume?

You seem to have taken the design of the Haunted house from Disney to Ace Lightning – I’m not sure it works, but you were clearly inspired by your recent Disneyland trip ^_^ be careful not to go nicking ideas. I know one haunted house is pretty much the same as the rest but… yeah, Conestoga hills is gonna notice this. The locals are unobservant in an IITS kinda way but not THAT unobservant.

drunken slobs. –this term is informal and I don’t think it works. Nice description though.

“I’m going to destroy Kilobyte. That will stop one thing from ruining our relationship!” said - I thought he cared more about controlling the world and being master of his own carnival, even if he IS in love with Emily? This is probably just me being picky – this does not of course, mean she’s a sue – but you’re racking up points with her, so be very careful. I don’t think she’ll turn into a Sue, though, the way it’s going.

“escape Lady Illusion who was still isolated in her orb” – I don’t think “escape” is the right word – I think you must have used a thesaurus to get the word escape from save but it doesn’t quite work. That word doesn’t belong in this sentence. Besides, I don’t think she’d be too willing to run to help him anyway.

“Don’t even think of it!” snarled Kilobyte. – think of what? I think his usual reaction would be to punch and not bother saying anything, but I like that you’ve thrown some originality on that action – it’s happened a few too many times and it’s losing it’s comedic value.

“This will make a great story for the covers. Mark was so over worried about me getting hurt. But those mutants don’t even know that I’m here,” whispered Kat to herself.” – Hm.. .that seems a bit of an obvious thing to say, really.

“bald freak” – again, perhaps not well put.

“In the junkyard…
“ – that’s the kind of phrasing you see in a comic book and doesn’t work in formal text, it would be good to describe a bit of what Random is actually seeing so we know how he’s aware of what’s happening between the worlds.

Your Random discussion with himself was… interesting. I don’t personally consider them to be two different people, but the idea of them both being the same person is rather tricky to utilise so… okay. Not bad.

“We will be evil!”
“We will be good!”
“Evil!”
“Good!”
“EVIL!”
“GOOD!”

- and that bit was a bit daft. It’s always best to take Random’s good and evil programs seriously. They’re not traditionally a comedy source.

“He was like a crazy light on a Christmas Tree, until it finally rested on… orange” Oh… OH! Now THAT is rather interesting. I see you’ve utilised the idea of finding a medium between his good and evil and given it a physical representation – nice idea, Rotgut. You know this is an idea that I’m not sure we’ve quite utilised in that way – it would be a good idea to create a topic on he message board and offer this suggestion up to the girls for discussion. Could be interesting.

(I don’t like the Christmas tree description though – too juvenile.)

“Relax, kid. We’re going to find this programmer of yours” said Sparx and they lowered down so they were actually on a road. – I like how you used the traffic Lights, but I don’t think Sparx would be daft enough to zoom down so low in such a crowded place – too much risk of being seen.

“I just can’t get any worse!” – yes, we know you can’t, Rick :P. Unless you meant “IT” just can’t get any worse?

And try not to forget who the villains are too ;)

“This is you’re Master Programmer?” – “you” words are commonly confused. If you say that something belongs to you or was made by you, you say “your”, as in “your sword” or “your master programmer”. “You’re” on the other hand, is an abbreviation of “you are” as in “you’re” going to school. Or “you’re not going to blow up anymore traffic lights, Sparx. :P”

“Please don’t tell me Ace Lightning is standing right behind!” said Rick. - *giggle* ^_^ like that bit.
“You’re the Master Programmer. You’re a mortal!” cried Sparx. – I think she intended “you’re the master programmer?” to be a question.

His face disappeared for a few seconds, to show the group a view of Kat with her arms bound and duct tape over her mouth.
“Kat!” cried Mark.- Okay Mark’s scared –understandable, yes. But I notice you never mentioned Ace’s fear for Lady Illusion? They’re in love too, you know ;) *is being picky*

Otherwise, I am liking very much so far – really looking forwards to the next chapter. I expect in the next chapter we’ll see more of the two worlds combining into one (and, in a hint for you, I wouldn’t say no to a comedy sketch with poor old Dick, but that could just be my taste. I hope he’s going to show up again. ^_^)

We have a LOT of villains to deal with – can’t be a bad thing, but try to go for ability over quantity – what you have is okay, but more villains would be confusing. And Scrambler and Kilobyte are… puzzling me. I just think they’re too similar as characters to work in the same shot, (they WERE the same design) but I figure it’s working alright for you. Oh, and remember Fear is a bad guy too. Just a point. ;)

Kudos to you, I’m really looking forwards to the next chapter.
Scarabbug
2005-08-14 . chapter 2
A new chapter. Goodie. :) Nice to see you’re still with us Wile.

I like the use of the Rat Trap Hotel and I like the brawl scene – a very nice touch that and very entertaining. ^_^

I’m rally not sure Rick would care about the zombie cheating unless he was actually playing against him, though I liked the device of them immediately shooting the guy who was cheating, I doubt very much Rick has the moral fibre to care.

“Lady Illusion slithered past Rick” Slithered? – unless she’s morphed into a snake or something I doubt very much that Lady Illusion would “slither” anywhere. She has quite a graceful gait, I believe.

“Kilobyte watched from a dark corner of the bar, his tentacles hid on the ceiling, just in case Rick or Lady Illusion tried to do anything to escape.” - Oh…. I thought they’d gotten away and were hiding from KB as they waited to find away out. Must’ve misread…

“Just then Giant George Wayne entered through the front door, well he actually had to smash his way in, causing parts of the walls to collapse” this was a nice point to distract people from the escapers, but I rather think that you should have put more emphasis on it, had tables scattering and people yelling and bar tenders yelling at George to £get out of their hotel”

It exploded in his face and knocked him unconscious. – since when was Kilobyte THAT easy to knock out? It would distract him if it caught him off guard, certainly, but I doubt it would knock him out.

“lethal lady”… I like it ^_^ Though alliteration os more Lord Fear’s style than Lady Illusions.

“Little did they know that the real bus driver was unconscious and lying in a nearby dumpster, and this driver was actually someone else.” – I like the idea of using the bus driver as a decoy, but I don’t think you needed to tell us who he really was there – it would’ve been nice if you kept it quiet and we found out later in the chapter, so it could be a surprise and a plot twist. It’s not really a plot twist if we KNOW what’s going to happen. Who IS that exactly, anyway? Lady Illusion is the only one who can morph?

“You know my mum, she sent me to my room!” groaned Chuck and hung his head in shame. – Ha ha! Nice joke! Very IC for Chuck too. ^_^

“Okay,” said Mark, looking shifty. – why would mark look “shifty”? That suggests he’s up to something suspicious. Maybe you mean “uneasy” or “suspiciously”?

“Pigface can drive a bus?” thought Chuck. – again, nice joke, but this chapter is Mark POV and then suddenly in this line it switches to Chuck – you should have chuck say it out loud so Mark can hear it rather than changing POV for just one line.

“going into a break down of sadness”. – clumsy sentence, neaten it up a bit.

“Kilobyte turned around and saw a mysteriously cloaked man, two fangs poking out of his mouth. He had an aging face that looked ancient with glowing red eyes.” – count Vile sounds interesting – could be a good character, and I do love to see vampires on the prowl ^_^

“I’ve also come to owe you an apology,” – clumsy again – I think you mean “offer you an apology”, or “I owe you an apology”

“Please don’t do that. I’m scared of heights!” said Candy, slowly managing to stand up on the Lightning Flash, but wobbled about dramatically.
- I hope that’s not a random fault to reduce the risk of Candy becoming a Sue (which she’s not, yet, so don’t worry) but it’s an interesting fault – I doubt she’d say “please” to Sparx though.

“Rotgut managed to retrieve his hand, but then Candy fell directly in his arms and he was as surprised as she was” – and Rotgut’s arms didn’t fall off? I expect they would…

I like the idea of the Rat crushing on Candy Floss thought. ^_^

““I will destroy eventually, Lightning!”” – who is Eventually and why does Fear want to destroy him/her? I think you meant “I will destroy YOU eventually, Lightning”

“Sir, you nearly doomed mankind,” said Mark and left the room, leaving Mr. Chesborough shocked and he slowly slumped down in a nearby chair. – Hm… a guilt trip for Chesborough… this could be very interesting and he does need some character development. Looking forwards to seeing what you do with this.

Staff Head had gone as white as a sheet. He and his master watched as not three, but five more black – if this is a reference to Kilobyte he has FOUR tentacles, not three.

Scrambler is… interesting but he seems to have come slightly out of nowhere – I know we needed more competent villains, but try not to overdo it, kay?

““Yeah, and I’m the Frog Prince!” said Staff Head sarcastically and giggled.” – so did Scarab ^_^ You have some good jokes.

He is supposedly is Kilobyte’s brother – some guy called Supposedly is Kilobyte’s brother huh? Or is that a typo?

Emily Toomes – I take it that this is a modified version of your Emily Waterflower – I’m glad you changed the name, and this character could be very interesting, and you’ve rather changed her role. Not sure what to think yet, but it could be very interesting.

““Look! Ace Lightning!” cried Rick, pointing towards the stairway that was visible between Kilobyte’s legs.” – is Kilobyte really dumb enough to fall for the “Look out behind you” trick?

“Just go!” cried Lady Illusion and Scrambler walked away, taking her with him.
Ace nodded and flew away,
- I’m not totaslly sure Ace is going to do that, I really don’t – I doubt very much he’d leave her to be destroyed a second time but.. .well, perhaps if circumstances called for it.

I really liked how you structured this chapter – I loved all the locations in the six D and you were pretty original with your creations. Nice chapter Wile, very nice indeed. I’m really looking forwards to a new chapter.
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