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| Wolflver 2005-07-28 ch 1,  | abuseI am going to give you some constructive criticism on this. This is a very intriguing story adn I would like to read more, but there are things that need fixed. One, when you have dialogue, you should use quotation marks. That is so the reader knows when someone is talking and where the narrative begins. Also, when you have dialogue, the best thing to do is to have one person speaking per line. It gets kind of confusing when you have all of the characters speaking in the same paragraph. Two, you seem to have switched perspectives on us. First, you were in the third person, then you jumped to the first person point of view. I'm giving you this advice, because I think this can go somewhere and i would really like to read more of it. Please don't consider this as flaming, because that's not what I'm trying to do. I hope you update soon so I can see what happens. I can't wait to read more. |