   roxi39
2006-08-07 . chapter 11fshlvr,
This chapter, chapter 12 and chapter 13 are all really great, including all the other stories you wrote. I use the 3 chapters named above from "Back to the Past" as a base for a love story I want to write.
I have planned ideas for a love story based on the first four chapters of the story "Love and Confusion". I know that you have already progressed further than chapter 4 with this story but I started writing these ideas down before I realised that you had already continued with that story. I do not want to criticize you but this is just what I thought. Forgive me if I am mean.
For the base of my ideas I also use "One True Place 3", as we need Moody and Marie from that story.
The important characters for this story, which i have invented myself, are Jimmy, who is a half blood wizard(This idea is mentioned in the story called "Harry Potter"), Jimbly who is an old friend of Jamba's and Mimbly, the personal assisstant to Jimbly. Two more of my self-invented characters, who are both less important, are two more half blood wizards Jeffrey and Tonson. Jeffrey and Tonson are both helpers for Jimmy, who is another half blood wizard. Yet, Jimmy always leaves Jeffrey and Tonson. Being left alone, without a clue of what is happening, Jeffrey and Tonson spy on the proceedings of the story. Tonson watches with a camera and Jeffrey writes observations.
In chapter 5 of the story "Love and Confusion", 625 finds out that Moody and Angel are together with Stitch and Lilo. Therefore, 625 feels very angry and jealous and he starts fighting against Stitch. Lilo is the only person who knows of these connections between Stitch, Angel, 625 and Moody, up to now.
After this battle is over, Lilo brings the experiments to her house and she asks Jamba what this battle is and what it means but he would not tell anyone, nor the experiments, any information.
Then, secretly, Jamba tells Gantu that there are battles and that Gantu should be present at the next "meeting" of this "war", as Jamba calls it. Gantu then tells Marie all that he knows from Jamba. Jamba also speaks to Lilo again, in private, to tell her what he told Gantu and that she should transfer all she knows to Peg. Jamba's last correspondent is his old friend Jimbly, who gets all the information Jamba knows about these circumstances.
The next battle then gets supervised by Jamba and at the end of this battle, which I thought would be the end of chapter 5, Jamba tells Stitch, 625, Angel, Moody, Lilo, Marie, Gantu and Peg that they should go on a journey to visit Jamba's old friend and the assisstant of that person.
During the journey the battles continue. When the group arrives at their destination, they meet Jimbly and Mimbly. Jimmy finds out that the group has left, follows and arrives soon afterwards.
There are many more battles infront of Jimbly and Mimbly. Even Jimmy starts to fight against 625 and Stitch, as Jimmy is Moody's old friend. Jimmy took care of her when she got rejected by Jamba Angel followed Moody and became friends with her and Jimmy too. Now, Jimmy is angry at Moody because she ignores him, although he is her oldest friend. Therefore, Jimmy fights in the battles to protect Moody. This makes the circumstances even more complicated. 625 and Stitch have to fight against each other and Jimmy now.
When I started thinking about this story I had difficulty inventing names for the new characters. So then, I just chose names at random, although only as I progressed further with this did I notice, that the pronounciation of Jimmy and Jimbly's names is almost completely the same. At first, I thought that this was only a coincidence, although now I realised that this does actually mean something in terms of concerning the story.
Jimbly is the good person in this war. He is the assisstant for Jamba, as Jamba tells him to advise 625 and Stitch on how to woo Angel, Moody, Gantu and Marie. Jimmy, on the other hand, is Jimbly's bad equal. Jimmy wants Moody, his old friend, for himself.
A scene which tells us about Jimbly's role in the story would be immediately after the group has arrived. Jimbly watches 625 and Stitch as they try to impress the "Squad", who are Angel, Moody, Gantu and Marie. Jamba stands beside Jimbly. Jimbly turns to look at Jamba.
"Ah, Jamba. This is what you were talking about, right? Well, I see that this is not a bad attempt, although 625 and 626 should try it more with their personality. Just so that they are different from each other as, you told me Jamba, they will turn evil against each other soon."
Jamba replied " I not knowing what being wrong with 625. Usually, he always hiding his feelings through sarcastic comments. I having tried to find out the origin of 625's sarcasm so many times. Normally, 625 always being scared of 626, although now 625 be fighting back. This being beginning of 625's sarcasm in past. 625 always being hurt by me and 626. 626 always being, back then, my and now, the Squad's favourite. 625 being jealous of publicity 626 be getting. 626 always being better than 625 and 625 hating that. Now, however, it being too much for 625. He being very angry at 626. I having seen 625's rage when 626 be hugging 623 and 624, being friends with Marie and even Gantu. 625 having nobody to trust. His worst enemy having taken his friends away from him. Although now even I, 625's other worst enemy, be seeing how 625 feeling about this. Yet, he keeping it all to himself, as he not knowing how Squad be reacting if 625 ever be fighting against 626 to be getting them as friends. 625 also knowing that he being hurt by 626 again, whenever he be trying to gain Squad for himself. 625 also being punished by me if he ever doing this obviously, just to be insulting me and impressing Squad. One comment which particularly having grabbed my attention being when 625 having said: "You colossal, immense titanic, which sank. Jambo, you jambo Jambo, fat face called Jambo!" (The first "Jambo" meant "Hello", which comes from Nairoby. The second "Jambo" meant "very large". The third and fourth "Jambo", including "fat face" were the names 625 calls Jamba) 625's speech continues. "The brick falling onto Jambo's head weighs a ton, weighs a ton, weighs a ton, and makes his already lunatic mind even more demented."
Jamba speaks again: " At first, I being really insulted, as usual, by 625's remark. Although then I having noticed something else. After comment, I having noticed that 625 being, very unusual for that pathetic, little, stupid..." Jamba broke off, as Jimbly glared at him. Jamba cleared his throat quietly, so that nobody else would hear, as they were all deeply engaged in what they were doing. 625 and Stitch were both staring, very impressively, at the Squad. The Squad themselves were staring at 625 and Stitch, speechless and in awe, as though they were unable to take their eyes off them. Jamba groaned, sighed, stared back at Jimbly and continued talking " Yes, sorry about my last sentence. Anyway, after comment 625 being coneited. He seemed very pleased with himself, even puffed up and he also showed very much courage and self-regard. I having thought that 625 having lost his self-confidence for ever, after what I having done to him in past. Yet, it having come back. Now, 625 had something to be proud of. He had finally out-performed his worst enemy, 626, in something. I having seen that 625 being taller than normal, as he having been swelling with overbearing pride."
Then, all the proceedings suddenly came to an end, as there was a small flash of light and somebody appeared, holding a camera. It was Tonson and behind him came Jeffrey, who had a stack of papers, held together on a clipboard and a pen in his left hand. Everyone turned to face Jeffrey and Tonson, as Tonson took another photograph and Jeffrey hurried forwards, smiling broadly at everyones looks of surprise, shock, and slight annoyance. 625 and Stitch both deflated instantly and stared at Jeffrey and Tonson, as they did not dare look at the Squad, for they did not want to see anger and disappointment on their faces. Jamba was smiling, Jimbly seemed to force himself to smile because he looked rather shaken and shocked as he stared at 625 and Stitch, both of whom did not look at anyone but Jeffrey and Tonson. Lilo and Peg were smiling at Marie and Gantu. However, Marie and Gantu looked at Jeffrey and Tonson, as did Angel and Moody. Angel and Mody both looked as though they had just been forced away from a pleasant daydream, as they were smiling slightly, staring at Jeffrey and Tonson.
Perhaps I should make this the end, as I do not have any ideas anymore right now. The reason this ended up to be so long was that I had planned four A4 sheets of this before I wrote it into this review, although I added on a bit more, as I wanted this to be a bit close to seeming like an end. To tell the truth, I do not think that I managed this, for I just ran out of ideas.
Finally, I just want to ask if you could reply to this in some way, as I want to know if you think these are bad or good ideas and connections to what you wrote. You probably do not have my Email adress, so I think the idea of you answering might be impossible.
As I mentioned in the second paragraph, I do not want to criticize your ideas. Also, if what I wrote messes up your ideas, that is also alright. If it is impossible for you to reply, that is fine too. |
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
