Before you ask... YES there ARE readers who actually take the time to look through the older stories to find a rare and worth while gem like this one. Of course there are some mistakes in it, but then I've seen the exact same thing in books that I've actually PAID to purchase. Go figure, I think there are little gremlins that deliberately place errors in something AFTER it's been thoroughly checked!
Anyway, nice plot work. Nice job on the originality of both the culture and the language. I'll admit that after reading a ton of cannon based literature, that it was a little different getting used to it, but this is very well written. You spent a LOT of time and effort on this and it shows. It also paid off! NIce job, great story.
this was an awesome story :) only thing that is a little sad, is that the two are not a couple *sigh* and poor sora :/
*hugs*, bye, Blackie ...
zappy 7/22/05 . chapter 15
well its a good story but some of the storylines were confusing cuz one minute they were in a forest next riding bird things but do write more i do like to read strange but intresting story
frm
zappy zap angel
-*-
DragonLady Elendil 6/29/05 . chapter 10
I've watched AVP twice during this fic (apparently there's an AVP2, but it's some sort of video game, which is disapointing because i'd like to see Alien done using Predators isntead of Sigorny Weaver). I did have an interesting thought you might like to look into during your Predator fics.
Scar didnt suicide after he was infected. He continued trying to escape, even if it meant bringing the alien to the surface. Based on the extent they went through to keep that from happening, it means that the Predators mst have had a way to remove it, otherwise he would have stayed behind during the explosion to keep it from getting onto his ship!
*snoogles Scar*
I didn't like that they killed him...though a sequal would be worth it!
DragonLady Elendil 6/29/05 . chapter 9
_ Beautiful and frightening, that is the way to describe the Alien queen! I seen most of the first Alien movie and AVP several times, the coolest part of which was when the queen attacked Scar and the girl!
I been in an Alien/Predator mood for the past few days because of my parasite story. _ You're more than welcome to read it!
DragonLady Elendil 6/28/05 . chapter 5
*snoogles Gui'Yata*
though why does he speak so much? I seen bits and peices of the first few, but AVP's the only one i really had a chance to sit down and watch the whole way through. Never once did the predators speak English, and even if they did, i doubt it would come out coherent through their mouths.
I'd love to see a cameo of Courtney in in one of your gemutations stories, though! _
This by far is the best fiction I've ever read in the Predator Genre. You're a wonderful writer, extremely talented, and I'm jealous. LOL. Sora's Death literally had me in tears, and I envy the bond between Courtney and Gui. I'm going to hunt down your other stories and spend today in bed reading them (sick as a freaking dog). Thank you for sharing your talents with us.
on my deviantart page under my favorites, i have a beautiful rendering of an alien in all their drooly glory (w w w . d r a g o n l a d y x i i i . d e v i a n t a r t . c o m) if you want to look.
Is me, DragonLady! . The Predator pics on your webbie looked cool, so i had to stop by and read the stories they came from.
AVP is the only Predator movie that ive seen the whole way through, but i did catch the end of the others. I did, however, get the impression at the end of the one where he lost the arm (second?), it was a rite of passage.
See? Pretty spiffy, huh? I think this is the last review I'll be leaving in your libraries today, though, because I'm a hungry girl! _
[They were working mid-shift tonight, on the plasma cannon, trying to YIELD information on how it worked.] Um, to stop information on how it worked? Or perhaps do you mean, trying to GET IT TO yield information?
Was this whole first part in the chapter before? I had the oddest sense of deja vu while reading . . .
["We can not take the time to move over there on Yimhi, it would take {too} long.] typo!
["If you think I'm leaving you here, mister you've got another THING coming.] Should that be "thing," or "think?"
[That was going to be hard when the air itself was distorted in this heat.] Yeah, no kidding!
[With a loud thumping sound the body came rolling down the stairs, taking all in the lab by surprise.] ARGH! LOL!
[The creature sniggered something to its companions, and there was an all {too} human laugh that filled the air.] *evil grin* Okay, even I'm enjoying this, heh.
[And he would end it fighting for the {lives} of his friends.] HEY? What are you doing? O_O Don't kill him off either!
[Before the ramp had sealed Gui'Yata had been rushed to the soyara, under the ezpert care of Quartas' infirmary.] Wait, I kind of lost track of Gerard. Is he with them?
WAAH! *runs away* That was unexpected and I hate you for it. *sob* LOL That was a good chapter, chica, though I will miss the crazy Sora. *sigh*
Hiya, chica! I see e-mail is down again. *sigh* Anyway, I hope this makes you smile when you get it. _
[The atomizers have been implanted and are healing well.] Okay, this may just be me showing my ignorance of sci-fi, but this idea really struck me.
[surgically implanted in the creature{'}s neck] typo! [. The Yimhi had been trained to hold their breath{s} while the tanks were changed,] another one! hee
[She was tall, at {e}ight foot three,] I just changed a capital letter to a lower case here!
[Teaching them signals for fighting.] Fragment alert.
[Nobaya just because he enjoyed Raha{'}s unusual company.] just added an apostrophe there.
[The helm showing in close detail the man{'}s face.] Added an apostrophe, and fragment alert.
[He pushed a finger against her mask where her nose would be.] CUTE! _
["Sorry. High five..." she said{.} Raising her palm,] I changed a comma to a period, since the capitalization of the next sentence was done by you.
[Then there was{. H}e stared shocked at the person before him.] Run on alert.
[She was clad in almost nothing{. B}are, well-muscled thighs winked out froom under the weapons holsters.] Another one!
[He turned back to look at her and ran into another invisible wall. He was getting tired of this.] _ Sarah and I were just chatting this morning about you and your sense of humor. This was one of those times that I had to stop reading so I could just LAUGH!
["But it{'}s more than that now{. T}he Soua are my people, better to me than the human race ever was.] added an apostrophe and run-on alert.
[Gerard{'}s eyes cleared slowly, and he tried again to figure out where he was.] added . . . you get the idea. _
[He wiped his forehead again{. N}ot being used to the temperature, he was sweating profusely.]
Now I understand that your lack of transitions and breaks are probably because of the way received them in the upload, I'll leave you alone about them. There are six that I noticed, though!
[Despite the vast differences in personality of the team members, they had become a close knit group, complimenting and strengthening each other{'}s abilities.]
[How long had he LAY there, he thought, shaking off the dizziness] Perhaps that should be "lain?"
OH NO! LOL! A car accident with a Yimhi?
[He had been on his way to the rendezvous, but Orange County was al long way away from Downtown Los Angeles{. W}ithout the Yimhi, his progress was going to be slow.]
[the Yimhi had spooked at Quona knows what, and had stepped right into the truck{'}s path.]
[Good thing Connors had enough sense to call them early{. I}t had been extremely easy to track it]
["Load him in the truck, and for heaven{'}s sake keep him sedated!]
[Little did Santos know that he had captured the very same creature that had been on that hunt. {I would suggest putting a paragraph break here} Gui'Yata had only been here a couple of hours]
[His guards had looked puzzle{d} when he had not tried to throw himself] Added a letter!
[He was growling with satisfaction watching the guard smolder THE burn, as his partner tried frantically] Maybe you mean "and" instead of "the?"
[Gui'Yata felt lethargic{. H}e had been deprived of his mixture, forced to breathe the atmosphere, too long.]
[Gui'Yata winced as he moved his wrist without thinking{. I}t throbbed dully and the pulling pain in his ribs was no better.]
[He huddled in the corner{. H}is temperature was off, it seemed colder in here.]
[She supposed they got along{. S}he still wanted to see them now and again]
[She felt somehow empty without Gui'Yata there by her{. T}hey had been together on all of the hunts, so much had happened to the both of them, it felt like losing a hand. The last thing she wanted was it to be permanent.] That last sentence, AW! _
[She heard the beep in her ear{. G}ood, Yaha was still with her{. The} subway had blocked the signal.]
[His brows furrowed{. T}hat was not what he was expecting her to say{. T}entatively he turned around]
[Courtney stepped around beside Yaha{.} "You see my friend here?" {I would suggest a paragraph break.} He nodded dumbly{.} {and another one here.} "Your organization has a creature like her in captivity,"]
["I...I don't know what you{'re} talking about," he said, but his eyes betrayed him.]
[Yaha was only to prevent his escape, hers would be the pleasure of the kill this time.] LOL, chica, that is just messed up.
[The bird and its rider were perfectly comfortable clinging to the side of the building. He groaned, feeling his consciousness ebb.] SWEET . . . hee!
[It had been easy to memorize{;} they had not changed it in the several days since his capture.]
[Gui'Yata hated him{. T}he man was lower than any Clusu he had ever hunted]
[He wrenched it out of Taylor{'}s hands, and took a swing of his own]
[Gui'Yata knew that was a way to kill a human, but he wanted to draw out this bastard{'}s pain.]
[The ring was better anchored than Gui'Yata had anticipated{. H}e was growling openly.]
[He had failed{. H}e would die, he knew, for there were no more tries.]
[Everyone was excited about the new discoveries being made daily about the alien technology "{p}rocured" from their captive.] it didn't look right capitalized . . .
[Ben moved away from the table rubbing his aching eyes{. H}e had been looking over the schematics]
[ITS head jerked, lifted a few inches off the floor and regarded him, then slowly lowered back, ITS eyes losing focus again.] The two "its" in this had apostrophes after, so I would suggest removing them. _
["Don't let it fool you, I heard Jim Taylor was attacked yesterday{.} Damn fool went in there on his own.]
["We all know how he likes to torture animals, Tarry." {A}t that a low growl could be heard from the cage{.} Ben looked wide-eyed] This was odd. The capitalization was there, but with commas instead of periods.
[Ben looked one more time at the large creature in the cage{. I}t was staring his direction]
WHEW, these chapters are LONG! LMAO!
NO! Don't let Gui' die! _;; I will cry. But what a freakingly awesome chapter this was! Woo Hoo, let's have more like this!
Morning, chica! _ I'm just waiting for the Comcast guy to come and hook up our cable modem. No more fighting with finicky DSL for me!
So yeah, it's review time!
[Gui'Yata looked back seeming pleased with himself as he said, "We are where we need to be."
Courtney looked around the dining area of Taysa's common hall, or the Gather, as she preferred to call it.] Ack, what? I'm sorry, chica, but this abrupt transition is REALLY confusing. Is this Taysa in the growths we were just discussing the beauty of?
[The Quona was instructed that he was to find this city of Taysa as its {residents} called it,]
[An emergency council meeting had been called, and rumor was spreading that HUADA had been seen in the city.] LOL, is this a word we've seen before? I get the gist of what's going on, but I'm very, very lost as to who's who and who's where.
Woo! I just reached the end, and this last part is fantastic! This really shows how Courtney has changed and grown, considering that no matter what, she will always be human. :P
Heehee! I'm picking on you, aren't I? I admit that this chapter wasn't my favorite, but that's only because I felt like we were rushing ahead at light speed again - I think it would be worth it, should you ever work more on this story again, to slow this part down and explain more of what Courtney already knows so that the rest of us can really know it too. _
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