Reading this fic should be legally classified as self-inflicted torture, with the author held responsible for war crimes. It's like a dull, twisted amalgamation of half a dozen painfully boring and over-used cliches of fanfiction that were old 10 years ago. The fact that its sole virtue is being generally accurate in its grammar and spelling actually almost works against it--if it had been written terribly, then one could at least pass it off as being created by someone not intelligent enough to know better.

Not to say that its technical proficiency makes it at all less monotonous and boring a style of writing, of course.

As a whole, you seem strangely arrogant on this site for an author with so very little to offer, screeching at authors who actually have talent about tiny, unimportant details of cannon, particularly when your incessant whining is both irrelevant and actually wrong. You seem to have slipped so far into self-appreciation that you expect others to conform to small details of cannon that you made up in your own graceless stories.

I implore you to do the fandom a favor and give a big, sloppy french kiss to a power outlet.

That was an awesome end to a brilliant fic, well done!. Sorry I haven't reviewed in a while, theres just been so much schoolwork. O.O. Nice to see Kildea who is your other fic aswell. Where will you go after completing The Sentinel? will you be continuing any works including Frato? htat'd be really great. ~Dazz~

Great chapter, another game event, it's always nice to see those nestled into a story. Nothing to complain about, keep up the good work. ~Dazz~

Good chapter Robshi, I liked it!. It's great to see a moment from the game, a.k.a the Antlion's capture of Puck and the guard running up to warn others. Keep up the good work, ~Dazz~

Not laziness, nor an aversion to Burmecian fanfiction. Rather, school dragged me away. I'm starting to wonder if I'm the only one who goes to school and has to do, well, work. O.o

Interesting chapter; get to see what Fratley's been up to, though if he had his battle instinct, wouldn't he be doing something other than farming? Oh well, minor detail. Puck's speech seems very... Not Puck, as does Fratley. You say he talked in a former tone, but "You're right" and "Let's go!" aren't overly former. And it's just plain amusing that Puck uses the same lines a few paragraphs later. Not too bad, though; just would've preferred a little more information on Fratley and Puck, as in what they'd been up to. Oh well.

Now the second part... Why did Frato wait so long to bury his father? Wouldn't he have done so right away? Waiting for monsters to come in doesn't seem overly intelligent; for all we know they could've eaten the body. Once again, Frato surprised me by being upset. The "real man" comment was odd, considering Frato didn't seem so concerned about that when his father died.

Not much else to say, though. I said most of what's important in my previous review. I find it interesting that Frato wants to stay in Burmecia... And Fratley's behavior near the end of the chapter was a little odd, but I have no right to talk as I make Fratley act even stranger. -laugh- Other than a few spelling and grammar errors that don't detract too much from the story, nothing much to report.

Until the next chapter! Or rather, until I get around to reading it. -laugh-

I'm back! And just as insane as ever, but hey.

Okay, review time. I'm first going to repeat myself and most likely make you feel like slamming your head on your keyboard: paragraph length ((almost typed "keyboard length"; somehow I doubt that's a problem)) and commas. I doubt I need to explain. The chapter reads really quickly, except for the rare comma confusion. Yes, it was rare this time -- I only found a comma misuse once and thus feel no need to particularly mention it. So really, commas aren't the problem, it's just paragraph length.

However, ignoring that since it probably is just your writing style, which I probably shouldn't be reviewing, this chapter lacked in something very important: creativity. Frato's lines were very... Predictable. His reaction at seeing Lion-heart dead was not what I expected from Frato; I know Lion-heart is his father and such, but I never thought of Frato caring so much. His typical lines didn't help.

Skipping ahead, but before that: why would Frato consider a destroyed city to ever offer good shelter? Oh well, not a particularly big deal.

The conversation with Redwind? It was so... Cliche and odd. Frato's words, particularly the "It was just that" are very... Weird. He doesn't seem particularly affected by the happenings. Also, I didn't think Redwind would simply casually accept to let Frato share his cave, and not question what he had said; he's a dragon, after all. It was just... Strange. Perhaps a rewrite, with better, not-so-overused phrases and such?

Other than all of that, nothing particular to scream at you for. Description was pretty decent, considering there wasn't a lot to describe; Frato's thoughts were interesting to see as well, though I would've preferred to see them more fleshed out.

Off to Chapter Seven! I'll try to be less evil of a reviewer there -grin-

Oh, and I posted the third chapter of Killer's Game! It's a little weird -- okay, it's VERY weird -- but the revisions I made helped it, I suppose. Hope you like it (and if not, tell me)!

very good rob!love it!!nothing that I see needs to change!

Poor Frato :(. What happened to April?, did she flee to Cleyra aswell?, I may have missed that part. Why are the monsters on Daines Horse-Basin too much for Frato?, he defeated an Ironite when he was thirteen for chrissakes. So is Frato going to meet with the other characters from the game?, namely Zidane, Kuja and Vivi since they're all connected in a way. Anyway, I can't really find anything much to complain about, besides minor errors. Keep up the good work Robshi. -Dazz-

Why wouldn't Frato consider going to Cleyra? realise that it collides with the fact that Zidane is going to go there but stil... You know what would've been REALLY cool?, if Frato had spotted Kuja departing from the city on his Silver Dragon because it gives us an idea of how the game events and the fic events combine. Anyway, I hope the chapters continue to hurry. -Dazz-

The final part of the battle with Beatrix seemed so short! Granted, it was written pretty well, but it was so short. One note, though: If Frato's lance is powerful enough to chop off someone's leg, wouldn't hitting someone in the spine with it break their spine? That part seemed a little bizarre to me. Anyway, still more comma issues, but I already complained about that so I'll spare you. As for poor Lion-heart... Somehow I had a funny feeling that was going to happen O.o Oh well. Look forward to the next chapter.

As a note... Be afraid. I'm revising Saving Freya. And it changed so much I had to change the title... O.o

Fun battle, wee! Anyway, that insane comment aside, there are a few errors here. They all deal with commas. A lot of times, you use commas when you should really be using a semicolon, or adding extra words so it makes ense. Here's an example, one of the many:

"Beatrix charged once again, she knew Frato couldn’t dodge her blows forever, he would fall victim to her attacks eventually."

The sentence is a little confusing to follow and runs on a bit. Here are two ways to revise it:

"Beatrix charged once again, as she knew Frato couldn’t dodge her blows forever, and that he would fall victim to her attacks eventually."

or

"Beatrix charged once again, as she knew Frato couldn’t dodge her blows forever; he would fall victim to her attacks eventually."

You mentioned a beta reader last chapter, I believe, and I think one would do you some good, to be brutally honest. I don't really know of anyone to suggest, I'm afraid; best way to get one may be to just ask people you trust would be honest, or something. For now, I just suggest this: read your chapters over a few days after you write them. You'll notice errors more easily this way. It helps me, anyway; now if only I'd use it. *laugh*

Now for Chapter Five... Looking forward to the end of the battle, with Frato and his Trance.

This chapter is considerably better, yes. The fight scenes are much more exciting, though I do question how he was able to cut off both her legs with one sweep. I guess I severely underestimate the power of lances, eh? Anyway, paragraph length is very nice, and the chapter flowed quite smoothly. My own qualm now is that it was such a short chapter (no, I'm never happy)! But that's not much considering what else I could say.

Oh, look forward to the exciting battle scene. For all that this chapter was well-written, it was a little dull. He's fighting Beatrix, isn't he?

Time for the next chapter.

Great conclusion to the battle. I liked it!!. In terms of The Big Brother fic, yeah I plan to update but I haven't even started yet, I've just been real busy with school and such. - Dazz -

Hey Robshi!, Yeah, I did enjoy the battle mainly because of the fact that Frato had been blinded which would've made the already diffucult battle even harder. I know you like stories featuring Fratley and such so I'd just like to inform you that he appears in Chapter Six of my fic(FFIX: The Forgotten Continent). So perhaps you could read it and report back to me whether I've stayed true to the character?. Also in Chapter Seven of that same title there is a battle going on which I think you should also be sure to have a look at. Thanks -Dazz-

Great chapter Robshi, pretty graphic but what can you expect in a war i suppose. Stabbing the spear into her face helped us to remember that Final Fantasy IX wasn't just about cute characters, there was a lot of violence we didn't get to see. The Frato-Beatrix fight is gonna be great well keep updating and I'll keep reviewing. ( P.S I've posted a second chapter for the BB fic and I've done a little bit more on Freya, Check it out!) Thanks again.