moonlit mage 2006-10-08 . chapter 1The idea rocks, your work rocks, but Deidara and Itachi are...really OOC. I won't make this too harsh, but there are a few things that make me iffy: Orochimaru has a capable med-nin in Kabuto, while Sakura does have tremendous prospect at surpassing the Godaime, it's unlikely Orochimaru would place a Cursed seal on her, unless planning on using her as a future host. Secondly, if you could, Deidara as a certain way of speaking, as I'm sure you know, so try to incorperate that as well. Thirdly, Itachi...he wouldn't lose his temper so quickly, and Deidara wouldn't be foolish enough to provoke him so. Akatsuki members, though they may not particularly like their partners or other members, would treat higher ups with a little more respect.
Though the story is really good, and I look forward to the next chapter, I'd like to see Deidara a little more in character ^^;, as he's the one most OOC. |